Twelve Reasons.

Chapter Ten.

I was sat with Perri watching Sam's TV. I was lay with my feet on the sofa and my head resting on Perri's lap and in this moment in time everything felt right, I felt like I belonged here, belonged with him like this. "What are you thinking about?" He asks, playing with my hair. "Nothing" I whisper back, looking up at him as he was looking down at me smiling. "You know Sam is going to kill me if he finds out about this" He whispers, smirking. I laugh and nod my head, sitting up to look at him. "He would kill us both" I murmur, as I place my lips on his. "Then are we riding and dying together?" He smirks, looking at me. "What happened to not pushing me into anything?" I ask, a smile playing on my lips. "I'm not pushing you, but just friends don't kiss" He whispers, his lips pressing against mine again, a feeling I could definitely get used to.

My phone starts ringing and I look and see Sam's name flash across my screen. "Hey" I beam. "You seem in a good mood, do you wanna head down here? were all going to go for some food" He says and I can hear the smile in his voice. "Yeah, can do is it dressy or casual?" I ask, thinking about what clothes I had brought with me to Sam's. "You look good in anything Emmie, casual will do" He chuckles. "Okay, i'll get ready and meet you at the studio" I smile as I hang up the phone. Perri looks at me gone out. "Sam said everyone's going for food I've been invited, so maybe you should go and get ready" I whisper, looking up at him. "Maybe I don't want to go for food with everyone, maybe I want to sit here with you and just enjoy time" He smiles back, lacing our hands together. "We definitely need to talk about this, but right now Sam can not know, none of the boys can know, this is between us" I whisper, letting go of his hand and standing up from the sofa, stretching. "So you're my little secret?" He chuckles, a smirk playing on his lips. "For now, yes" I reply, realizing that this was wrong. "Now go get ready, i'll see you at the studio" I whisper. He stands up from the sofa, looking at me, before placing his lips on mine. "One for the road" He smirks, as he walks out of Sam's apartment, making me knees weak.

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I decided to dress casual but do my hair and make up, making an effort for once. I was wearing high waisted skinny jeans, with a long flowy red top that was ripped up the sides to show my sides. I had gone for a bright red lip to match the top, with some red ballet flats, my hair was curlier than usual, but I could pull it off with the look. I do a scan of myself in the mirror, taking a picture an uploading it to Instagram captioning it with 'you aint getting this love no more'. I post it and decide to walk to the studio, it wasn't that far and I didn't see the point of walking to mine to get my car to drive to the studio when there was going to be enough cars to go wherever we was going for food.

During the walk I thought about a lot of things, the main one being why Sam had told Perri to stay away from me. I knew Sam was always looking out for me and his heart was obviously in the right place but that didn't mean that what he had done was right. I didn't want to talk to him about it right now though because then he would know something was going on with me and Perri and from what I could piece together, that's not what Sam wanted. Another thought that crossed my mind was me and Perri at the lake, the worlds 'you've never been touched' going around and around in my head, how did he work that out? was he someone that was experienced, experienced in getting what he wanted? did he have some kind of reputation, I mean that night at the party he seemed pretty cosy with whatever her name was.

I walk into the studio and there was some music playing but not as loud as it usually was. I find Sam and run over to him, hugging him from behind. "Hey Emmie" He laughs, hugging me properly. "What you been up to today then?" He asks, looking at me. "Nothing really, just watched TV, listened to music" I reply, trying to think about not kissing Perri a couple of times. "Oh, good then, were heading to this new pizza place" He smiles, I laugh and nod my head.

I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest, Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

Halsey's 'You Should Be Sad' starts playing through the speakers and I grab Sam's hand. "Dance with me?" I smile, he shakes his head but reluctantly dances with me, spinning around in circles whilst I sing along and move my hips to the music. As I spin around with Sam laughing and singing along to the music I notice the boys eyes on us, I notice Perri's eyes on us.

No, you're not half the man you think that you are, And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars
I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you, Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Once my eyes had connected with Perri's it was almost impossible to break the eye connection with him. His face didn't look happy that I was dancing around with Sam, but who was he to tell me what I could do, we had kissed a couple of times, and I felt like there may or may not be something there, but that didn't mean he had the right to have the look on his face that he did right now. I sing along with Sam, moving my hips to the beat as Mitch starts dancing along, making me laugh.

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down, And then ran so fucking far, That you would never ever touch me again
Won't see your alligator tears, Cause I've had enough of them

I break away from Sam, letting him dance along to the beat, like most of the guys was now doing, apart from Perri who was still looking at me like I was an alien. I look at myself in the dance mirrors, still singing along to the words of the song. Just looking at myself, looking at how different I looked. I never wore make up with Harry, I never dressed like this with Harry either, it was always one of Harry's tops and some leggings, or trackie bottoms, I never dressed up around him when we moved in together, I didn't see the point. I watch the Diversity boys through the mirror, watching them all dance and have fun laughing, this is what I loved about them, what I loved about coming to rehearsals, it was always serious but there was always some kind of fun involved when it was needed, there was never a full serious day.

As I look back to my own reflection I the mirror, I notice the single tear falling down my face. I wasn't crying because I was sad, I was crying because I was happy. Having time to look back over the last few months I realised the exact moment where everything changed, and I couldn't just blame Harry for it, it was me as well, it takes two people to be in love, it only takes one to fall out.

I feel Sam's arms wrap around me from behind. "You okay?" He asks, I nod my head, wiping away the single tear. "I'm happy honest" I whisper, smiling at him. "Good because this pizza is calling my name" He chuckles, stepping away from me and spinning me to look at him. "You look good by the way" He smiles, looking down at the floor.

Was Sam complimenting me because he was my best friend? or was there more to this? is that why he warned Perri to stay away?

I look over at Perri who was stood with Terry and Warren, his eyes focused on me with his jaw clenched tight.

What was going on?