Twelve Reasons.

Chapter Four.

Wednesday 14th September.

I don't remember how I got home, I didn't really care either, but I remember my head throbbing when I woke up, but I was in my own room, I wasn't at Sam's and that confused me even more. The only thing I could really remember from the night before was kissing Perri. Or him kissing me. Either way it happened, which made me a cheat, which was enough to make me throw up without feeling sick anyway.

I pick up my phone which was rested on the pillow next to me, not where I would usually place it either. I pick it up, looking at the numerous missed calls from Sam, from Mitch, even from Jordan. I look at the messages, mainly asking where I had gone, was I okay, did I need a lift home. So, I didn't come home with Sam then, that was final.

I decide to call Sam, let him know i'm alive, make sure he is as well I guess. Sam picks up on the third ring, his loud voice making my inside's shake. "Em, where did you get to?" He asks, and I can hear the hangover in his voice as he quietens down. "I don't remember getting home, I didn't even drink" I mutter, touching my head, why had I got this bad of a headache from a sip of vodka. "Well, after you come back from wherever you walked you downed Ashley's vodka bottle then you got in a taxi saying you needed space" Sam whispers. "I kissed Perri" I mutter, feeling the sick feeling fill my throat again. "What you did what?" Sam shouts, making me take the phone away from my head. "Sam please just be quiet" I whisper. "You cheated on Harry?" He asks, laughing slightly, of course he would find the light in this situation. "Can we please not talk about this right now, I just need to work out how to get rid of this headache" I moan, placing my head in my hands, the memories of last night coming back slowly. "Have a shower, i'll pick you up in an hour" He whispers. I nod my head, not that he can see that. He hangs up the phone and I sit in bed for a few moments working out on how I would tell Harry. I couldn't not tell him, the guilt would eat me up alive, I couldn't lie to him either, that would be a slower death, and the road to more heartache in the end.

I decided after my shower, where I found myself in tears, crying because I had messed everything up with the one person I knew I loved. But the more I said loved the more I believed that we was slowly falling out of love anyway, things were getting harder between us, things were never as easy as they were when we got together and the distance all the time didn't help, but that didn't give me an excuse to go around and kiss someone who had sprained my ankle, and all for a dare. I was stood in the kitchen when Sam let himself in, I knew he would be on his way so I left the door unlocked for him to walk through. "How are you honestly feeling?" He asks, as I slide him a cup of coffee across the table. "Obviously not good because you know I like tea not coffee" He chuckles, as I realise I gave him my half drunk cup. "Sorry" I mumble, passing him his tea and taking my coffee back for me. "Why are you beating yourself up about it?" Sam asks, taking a sip of his tea. "I cheated on him, whether it was a kiss, or anything else" I sigh, placing my hand to my head again. "Are you going to tell Harry?" He asks, sitting down on the stool next to me. I look at Sam like he had just asked me if I was willing to jump off a cliff. "Look, Em I love you, but sometimes you just keep secrets" He whispers. I shake my head, regretting the sudden movement. "I cant lie to him, I cant just keep it from him either" I whisper, feeling the tears prick at my eyes. "Oh Em" He whispers, standing up and embracing me in a hug. "I've messed everything up" I whisper. Sam shakes his head. "His a dick anyway" He chuckles, making me smile slightly, but it didn't make me feel any better. "Were going to go out for dinner anyway, take your mind of a few things and then i'll be with you when you tell him" He whispers, kissing the top of my head. As much as I wanted to be mad at myself, mad at Perri for kissing me, I couldn't help but feel some relief. I knew that me and Harry was going sour, but I always assumed we would work through it, fix it like normal couples did, maybe this was what he wanted to?

---

Me and Sam went for dinner at a small café, just eating nice food in great company, I missed the days where he was always at the end of the phone, or still doing more plumbing jobs, but now it was all about dance, and I knew that one day they would be big, they would be well known, and I couldn't wait for that day for them all, they deserved it, but I did miss having my best friend around constantly. I missed Mitch.

"What are you thinking about now?" Sam asks, taking a chip from my plate and placing it in his mouth, I shake my head chuckling. "Nothing, just how different everything is I guess" I whisper, eating a chip myself. "As in different with you and Harry or life in general?" He asks. I shrug. "Everything? Like one day you're going to be selling out the O2 in London, flipping for thousands of people" I whisper. The realisation hitting me. "But you'll always be our number one fan" He smiles and me and I nod my head, he was right. "The boys are at training now if you wanna nip in and say hi, I need to check one of the costumes over and then I was thinking the cinema? my treat" He chuckles, I didn't really want to go to the studio encase Perri was there, but I didn't want to miss out on seeing everyone else, they was like a second family to me. "Lets go then" I whisper, instantly regretting that answer.

The drive with Sam was safe, he was a good driver, when he wanted to be anyway. "Right, the lads are in studio one, I'll meet you in there after I've seen Dani" He smiles, as we walk into the reception. I smile at him and head to the studio, hearing the music pumping through the floor, just like last night, my headache slowly coming back to life. "Em" Jord shouts, lifting me up in the air, making me feel sick again. "Careful" I shout, holding my head, trying to keep it in one place so that I didn't go as dizzy as I already felt. "Someone's hungover" Ash chimes, hugging me from behind. "I didn't even drink that much" I mutter, looking at the ground. "You drank my whole vodka bottle, may have been one bottle but it was at least 70% alcohol" Ash chuckles, rubbing my shoulders. "Is Perri here?" I ask, not wanting to know the answer. "Yeah, why?" Jord says, pulling me to the crash mat where everyone else was sat down. ""No particular reason" I mutter. "Awe has Emmie got a crush" Mitch calls from behind me, making me roll my eyes. "You know i'm with Harry" I mutter. He rolls his eyes back, but gives me a small smile, I smile back at him, accepting his smile, it didn't happen often. "How is Harry?" a voice calls from the back of the room, but I knew the voice, I knew who was asking, and I felt sick to my stomach that he would even ask. "His fine thank you for asking" I reply, not taking my eyes of the crashmat. Perri comes and sits down joining the rest of the group. "When Em's foot is better she will have to show you her back flip she's great at them" Jordan smiles, nudging my shoulder. I nod my head, not really sure what I am actually agreeing too. "Em, you okay?" Sam asks, walking into the room and sitting down in front of me, his eyes showing worry. I nod my head. "Surprised she's okay with the vodka she necked last night" Ash chuckles. "Yeah, for someone who doesn't drink you sure lit the party up" Warren chuckles. I just give a small smile. "Right, erm, did you say we was going?" I ask Sam, standing up, trying to steady myself, although I could walk a lot better, I had found that I struggled putting my bad foot to the floor first when I stood up. "Where are you guys going?" Perri asks, looking at me through his eyelashes. "Cinema, can make it a group thing if you all want?" Sam says, standing up and doing his jacket up. I look at Sam, shooting him daggers, sending him telepathic signals, why would he ask if he wanted everyone to come, more importantly, why would he ask Perri if he wanted to come, was he completely unaware of what happened last night, how I was currently feeling. "Well I guess we-" Perri starts but my phone ringing cuts his sentence off, thank the lord. I look down at the caller ID. Harry. Maybe not thank the lord. "I'd better take this" I mutter to Sam, who gives me a soothing smile. "It'll be okay" He whispers as I walk out the studio.

"Hey" I whisper. "Hey Babe, how are you?" He beams down the phone, he was in a good mood, he wasn't going to be for long. "Feeling worse for wear, ended up drinking a lot last night" I mutter. "You don't drink though? who corrupted you?" He chuckles, if only he knew. "End up doing anything stupid?" He asks, he was joking, but the tone of his voice wasn't joking. "Not really, just vodka" I whisper, I couldn't tell him over the phone it wasn't fair. "Well, i'm back tomorrow night, I cant wait to see you" He whispers. I nod my head, aware that he cant see, but it gives me time to work out how to tell him. Tell him that I cheated on hi, tell him something that was going to break this heart, break him. "I cant wait to see you too" I whisper, as he hangs up the phone.