Twelve Reasons.

Chapter Nine.

Friday 22nd September

"I honestly feel like you're avoiding me which means you've done something that you don't want to talk about because you feel guilty" Sam mutters. I honestly wasn't avoiding him, I was avoiding Perri, but avoiding Perri meant avoiding Sam at the same time. So, right now I was sat in my lounge, trying to watch a box set I had hired but it resulted in Sam and Mitch crashing my binge day because they hadn't seen me in a few days. "So, tell me Em, why are you avoiding me?" He asks, sitting next to me as Mitch turns the TV off to have my full attention. "No need for the TV to go off" I mutter as Mitch takes the controls out of my reach smirking at me. "I'm not avoiding anyone or anything, I just want time to myself is that so hard to ask for?" I mutter, looking at Sam. "When you want time to yourself I usually find you sat on my sofa or cleaning my flat, so what changed?" He asks. "Nothing's changed, I just want to spend time here" I whisper, I didn't want to spend time here, in reality I had been looking at other flats, everything in this house reminded me of Harry and I couldn't deal with that anymore. I had been sleeping on the sofa majority of the time, this just didn't feel like home anymore.

I stare at the floor, blocking all the questions Sam was asking out of my head, out of my hearing range, I didn't feel like talking, I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted the world to stop for a moment, I wanted to be in that moment with Perri again at the lake. I wanted to forget everything bad that had happened. "Emmie?" I hear Sam whisper. I look up and realize that the lounge door has been shut and Mitch had left the room. I look at Sam's eyes which were glossy, what had he been saying? I let a single tear fall from my eye before Sam pulls me into this lap and I cry, I cry hard into his chest, not realizing I had all this emotion built up inside.

"Hey, its okay" He whispers, stroking my hair whilst my face was in his chest. "I cant cope" I whisper, trying hard to speak louder so he could hear what I was saying. "I know, I think you need to come and stay with me" He whispers. "I cant, I need to be strong by myself" I whisper, crying again. "No, you need to be around people who love and support you, not locking yourself away from the world because you can, this isn't healthy" He whispers, playing with my hair whilst I calm myself down. I pull myself out of his chest and look at him, noticing a tear fall down his face which I wipe away. "Why are you crying?" I ask, sitting up, my head resting on his shoulder whilst he still played with my hair. "Because I hate seeing you like this, we all do" He whispers. "Even Mitch?" I ask, looking up at him. "Even Mitch" He whispers, as Mitch enters the room with some drinks. "I care Emmie I do" Mitch whispers, walking over and sitting next to me, hugging my side. "I miss this" I whisper. "Then its settled, you're coming to mine, go pack a bag or two" Sam states, wiping his face. I nod my head, walking up to my room to pack some bags, maybe this was what I really needed.

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The drive to Sam's apartment was quick, once I walked in I felt at home, I felt happier. Sam and Mitch had popped to the studio for a rehearsal but I honestly didn't want to go, I was going to avoid Perri for as long as I could, even if my head was saying that I needed to see him. I was sat listening to break up songs on repeat, and I knew I shouldn't but it just made me feel something that wasn't guilt or confusion. But the songs lead to looking over mine and Harry's photos, looking over text messages that I knew I shouldn't.

Sam's front door knocked, and I assumed it would be some kind of delivery, he was always ordering new clothes, I swear he couldn't have anymore room in his room to put them. I open the door, and stand there shocked when I see Perri, part of me wanted to shut the door, the other part wanted to invite him in. "What are you doing here? shouldn't you be at some rehearsal or something?" I whisper, not meeting his eyes. "Can I come in?" He asks. I sigh, but move away from the door letting him in, and walking over the Bluetooth speaker, pressing the volume off. "Break up songs still?" He asks, sitting down on the sofa, making himself comfortable. "Why not" I mutter, sitting opposite him. "You didn't answer my question as to why you're here" I say, looking at him for the first time since he walked into Sam's flat. He was wearing some Diversity jumper, obviously the merchandise stock had come, and they were all walking around in it now. "I'm supposed to be, but I thought I would pop round see how you're doing, Mitch said you had moved into Sam's again for a few days" He replies, a small smile on his lips, which I was trying hard to ignore. "Okay then" I whisper, looking back to the ground. "Why do you do that? why do you look at the ground to avoid me?" He chuckles. I shrug "It's just something I do" I whisper. "You've been avoiding me, I even followed you on Instagram, I didn't get a request back" He replies. "Haven't been checking social media" I reply, looking back to him. "Because of Harry?" He asks, looking at me sympathetically. "Because of everything" I reply, standing up and walking to Sam's kitchen, making myself a drink. "So why are you avoiding me?" He asks, following me. "I'm not" I reply. "You are, Jord said you're always at the studio on your days off and you haven't been since I took you to the lake" He replies, smiling at me. That damn smile. "I just didn't feel like coming plus you're all supposed to be working hard for your shows" I mutter, pouring the hot water into my cup.

I feel Perri's presence behind me, as he touches my arm making me look at him, not fully turning my body to look at him. "So you've avoiding the studio not me?" He asks, looking into my eyes. I hesitate, biting my lip. "I wish you wouldn't do that" He whispers, stepping closer if that was even possible, the world around us slowly slowing down. "I'm not avoiding you" I whisper, looking behind him. "Tell me that to my face, look into my eyes and tell me you're not avoiding me" He replies, turning my head with his hand to look at him. "I cant" I reply, looking down at the ground. "I like you" He whispers. "I like you a lot" He says louder, making me look at him. "But you've just come out of a relationship, i'm not going to push you to do anything" He whispers, smiling at me. "Well I am glad to hear that" I whisper, looking up at him. "But I do want to kiss you right now" He whispers, his face inches away from mine. "Do you?" I whisper, smirking slightly. "Something about being in Sam's apartment and kissing you knowing he could walk back in at any moment is something that thrills me" He chuckles, his hands resting on my hips, closing that small gap that was left between us.

My heart was beating fast, and it was loud, i'm sure Perri could probably hear it. The intense look in his eyes made my stomach do flips, no one had ever looked at me this way before. "What would you do if he walked in?" I whisper, looking into his beautiful brown eyes. "I don't think it would bother me, it would be worth the look on his face" He smirks. "Is that all I am? something for you to wind Sam up with" I whisper, I know he had said he liked me, liked me a lot, but the comment about winding Sam up had now made me question things. "Sam told me I couldn't have you" He whispers, his lips lingering on mine, not fully kissing me, but not, not kissing me too. "What do you mean?" I ask, pulling away slightly, needing to hear his reply. "Sam told me to stay away, he didn't want me to have anything to do with you" He whispers, looking from my eyes to my lips and licking his own lips. "Fuck Sam" I mutter, pressing my lips to his.