Twelve Reasons.

Chapter Sixteen.

Monday 1st October

It had been a long weekend, well what felt like a long weekend anyway. Sam was either at the studio rehearsing, or in his bedroom throwing clothes into a bag and taking them back out to throw them back in. I had offered to help a million times but each time he told me he knew what he was doing so in the end I left him to it and cooked some food. I kept watching Sam, nothing had changed, Jordan hadn't told him, but he had gave me and Perri a warning on telling him, and telling him soon. I had every intention of telling him when we got back from the small tour they were doing, but part of me didn't want to tell him, I didn't want to break his heart, I didn't want to ruin our friendship either which I knew it would, if anything went wrong with me and Perri things would go sour with me and Sam, Sam and Perri, Sam and Diversity, everything would change, a lot was riding on me and Perri being together, but day by day I was falling more and more for Perri.

"So I will come and pick you up on Friday" Sam says as he comes out of his room, pulling his bag that was clearly too heavy to carry but he had finally packed and closed for the final time. "Yeah" I whisper, it dawning on me that he was now leaving, and by the time we come back I would be in my new flat. I hadn't gone for the one round the corner like Warren had suggested, which did annoy Sam slightly, but I had gone for one closer to the town centre, a new start, a new place to make memories. "I'm going to miss you" He mumbles, walking over to me and looking at the breakfast I had made him. "I don't want to go" He moans, pulling me into a hug. "You're being slightly dramatic right now" I chuckle, pulling away from the hug. "Well sorry if I don't want to leave my best friend" He smiles, but the words friend were forced, I shrugged it off. "I'm literally at the end of the phone, if anyone's worrying it should be me, you're going off to finally preform for hundreds of people, people who are crazy to see you flip off things" I chuckle, sitting down at the table and picking at my toast, I wasn't hungry at all. "Doesn't mean i'll forget that you're here on your own" He mumbles. "i'm not on my own, I have Opie" I chuckle, as Opie makes her appearance in the living room. "Not the point" Sam shrugs, taking a bite of his toast. "Well, i'll be fine, i'm at the end of the phone if you drastically have the urge to call me about your hair being all over the place" I chuckle, making Sam roll his eyes. "Ash will be here in a minute" He mumbles, finishing his toast. I smile at him, I was proud of him, everything he had achieved.

"Right, I need to go" He mumbles, checking his phone. I nod my head, following him out of the flat. I watched as he tugs his bag down the stairs, trying not to make too much noise, it was still early. Once we step out into the daylight I remember how not so long ago I was sneaking back through my window after spending the night with Perri.

"Did he get you up Em" Ashley chuckles, picking Sam's bag up like it wasn't heavy and throwing it into the mini tour bus they had hired for the week. "She was already up, she's become a right early bird" Sam chuckles, standing next to me. "Maybe it's your snoring" Perri chuckles, stepping off the bus, he hadn't changed from when I had left him this morning, he was wearing his grey joggers and some overized hoodie that would be a knee length dress on me if I was to wear it. He had his afro out and it was messy, but he pulled the look off. Sam shot Perri a look and Perri just smirked at me. "I'm gonna miss you" Sam mumbles, pulling me into a hug, Perri's eyes watching us. I sigh "We've been through this Sam, i'm at the end of the phone, this isn't the end of the world" I chuckle. "Easier said than done, you don't have to spend the week with Pel" He mutters. Oh, if only he knew. "Just promise me you'll try and get along, I don't want to turn up on Friday and be the referee" I mumble. "For you, I'd do anything" He whispers, kissing the top of my head like he always does. Perri's face was a picture, if he wasn't already jealous when me and Sam hugged, he was fuming now. "I hate how you see the good in everybody" Sam mumbles, pulling away giving me a small smile. "Because this group of people right here are good people, you just hold a grudge for too long" I chuckle. "I'm going to say bye to rest of the guys" I smile, he nods his head, walking over to Mitch. I walk over to Jordan first, engulfing him in a hug. "Promise me you'll watch them two" I whisper. He looks down at me, his eyes showing concern. "I wont let them kill each other" He whispers back smiling. I nod my head. "It's going to be weird not seeing you guys for half the week" I mumble, he nods his head as Perri comes over. "i'll let you two talk" He smiles, walking over to Ashley. "Hey" I mumble, looking up at him. "I don't know how I'm going to cope without you" He mutters, smiling down at me. "I know" I whisper, giving him a small smile. He pulls me in for a hug, me inhaling his scent. I'm going to miss him a lot, I didn't know this was possible, I never missed Harry this much when he was away. Perri had become like my drug, I needed him a lot more than he needed me. Whenever I was stressed, whenever I was upset he just had to hug me, it was like it all went away in the blink of any eye. "I'd better let you go before people think I wont" He chuckles, pulling away from the hug, I instantly felt cold, I felt sad. "i'll ring you later" I whisper, giving him another small smile, it was all I could manage. He nods his head, walking over to Sam and Mitch, my heart dropping slightly, even if they formed a friendship over the next few days I knew it would disappear when I told Sam the truth.

I walk over to Ashley who had become like my big brother. "Anything you wanna tell me before I take everyone with me" He chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows, I roll my eyes. "Jord told you then" I whisper. He nods his head. "I gathered something was going on from the looks he would give you across the room, but you guys look like you'd be cute" He smiles. I shake my head. "It's going to kill Sam" I whisper. "He will be happy for you too Em, he will get over it" He smiles, his smile was infectious, anyone who didn't smile around Ashley Banjo had issues. "Have a good few shows yeah? I look forward to seeing the videos" I smile. "We will ring you every night, don't you worry" He chuckles, pulling me in for a hug. I smile into the hug, these guys were going to do amazing, I just knew it.

I pull away from the hug, and look around at all the guys gathered around, some getting on the bus, some standing around waiting for everyone else to chose their seats. I stand by the bushes to the pathway to Sam's flat, scared to watch them leave, knowing that I would have to watch them pull off and drive down the road, knowing that I just wanted to cry, part of me wanting to get on the bus with them, with Perri. I watch as Perri gets on the bus, taking a quick glance back, his head looking at the ground after making eye contact. I watch as Sam is the last one to get on the bus, walking behind Perri. He turns around and gives me a massive smile and a small wave, his smile dropping when he see's my face. I give him a small wave, and try my best to smile back at him.

I watch as the doors to the bus close, the engine starts and the bus pulls off. Perri is sat on the closest window to me, his hands made into a heart shape, blowing a quick kiss through the window, I smile and shake my head, laughter filling the quietness.

I watch as the bus pulls further and further down the road, my feet refusing to move until I know its gone. I take a deep breath and walk into Sam's flat, smiling at Opie who was lying on the floor, already missing Sam. "I know baby" I whisper, stroking her head, feeling her relax under my touch. I look at Sam's bedroom door that was wide open, clothing and towels thrown around the room, but I didn't have the heart to clean it for him, I wanted it to stay that way until I had to leave to go meet them, Sam was always messy, having a messy room would make it feel like he was here, even though I knew he wasn't.

I look at my make do bedroom for the next few days, Sam's spare room. I look over at the bed and see a white thing folded up on my bed, it definitely wasn't there when I left my room. I walk over and notice a piece of paper next to it.

i'm going to miss you so much, here's my top sprayed in a whole bottle of my cologne, missing you already baby P x

That's when the first tear falls.