Why Am I Here? I am lost

- Back To Work - #1

Monday morning. The beginning of the week. Some say Saturday or Sunday is the start of the week, but not for me. I start working on a Monday, every week. So, for me, Monday is that beginning.

I'm a good liar it seems... I have many masks, I'm an actor in a way. I'm good at it. For no purpose or intent. The show just happens and I never know which character to choose. Then the show goes on, with the only director (being me) not knowing when to end it.

I hate, that this is a trait of mine...

"Ah, sir?"

Or maybe they're the ones acting...
they're the ones that are lying.

"Sir?"

"Oh, ah... yes. Hello. Sorry, daydreaming"

I had a goofy smile and my eyebrows were frowning slightly. It was easy to tell I wasn't just daydreaming.

Stupid excuse...
"daydreaming"
yeah that'll work.

Paranoia within had consumed me.

"Oh that's fine! I do that all the time"

"On the job? You shouldn't be doing that"

We both starting laughing. Maybe the situation had been diffused, and I was back into normality for the moment. Being around other people really seem to help me. Help me to be distracted from the voices around me. Distracted from...
what it's like when I'm alone with them.

Is this... a good, or bad distraction though...?

Sometimes I feel the voices are trying to help me understand something I'm not seeing. Which is ironic, because when I look towards where I hear them, I cannot see them...
Maybe I'm looking in the wrong direction.

So, did she really not see my facial expression? Huh..
I guess not all people can tell if someone's in distress just by reading their face.
I think too much anyway.
It doesn't matter if she noticed or not, it's not her problem.

"Tick-tock, tick-tock"

The sound of a clock around us. I am still unsure why it was so damn loud.

"Tick-tock"
"Tick-tock, Tick-tock"

Please talk?

Stupid clock.

sweat dripped down the side of my head at that moment.

"I'm sweating?"
I asked myself

"Don't be too nervous"

...
I stayed quiet.
Then the flooding of voices surrounded me.

"You're still here with us, aren't you Sebastian?"
"Can you hear me?"

"Hear me"
"Hear me"
"Hear me"

Seemed to be the only thing I could hear.
Ha... isn't that ironic...

"Sebastian?!"

I noticed Joyce's worried expression, and wondered what she was thinking.

"Oh.. I'm so sorry. I, ugh"

I didn't know what to say...
I had too much on my mind with endless roads leading down paths I didn't understand.
So I decided to say; I'm having sleep withdrawals. That was my reason to why I wasn't concentrating too well.
I... am a liar.

"I'm hav-" "Sebastian!"

Before I could even finish what I wanted to say, someone called my name,
And it wasn't Joyce.

"Sebastian my boy! Good to see you back at last"

Eddy Palmer.
The boss of the company. He seemed happy to see me after my 3 month break, and I thought I was going to get fired for that.
I was such an idiot for taking so long off.
At that moment I thought to myself;
was I so afraid of coming back?
I couldn't remember...
My memory hadn't been the greatest of late.

"Hey Eddy! Sorry for the extended time I took off... problems came up and-"

"Stop right there my boy. I understand how life can be. After my father died, I seen life in a different light. It was darker than before..."

"Eddy.. I.."

"So whatever came up, that is fine. I pray for your happiness and closure within your soul. Any broken pieces that need amending, be fixed"

That's Eddy for you... heart of gold. He's always been this way. Through anything he had to deal with.
- stress from home
- stress from work
- life trauma
- dealing with his kids
- his grief

Everything.

Nothing ever changed him. At least... not fully. He went towards a touchy subject immediately - almost as if he knew what I was going through.

He always remained good, easy to talk to, and he never let his own demons overthrow him off of his throne...
And 'king' of the company he was...
He's the boss for a reason I suppose.

I learned from Eddy that day.
I also had increased love and respect for the Man.

On the topic of love...

Love is such a wide spread word, with a lot of meaning behind it.
Love could mean many things.
- Sexual love,
- Friendship love,
- Brotherly or sisterly love,
- Love for your family,

Even;

- Love for animals,
- The love of joy.

Love...
Is happiness through that.

My love for Eddy, is strong - but do not get it twisted for anything in particular. Mind you.

"Twisted" "mind"

The irony...

I need...