Why Am I Here? I am lost

- The Return -

As I lit up a cigar, I looked around me and took in the atmosphere that was cold.
This eerie silence all around. Police lights and barricades with tape, around a home that looked crooked. With heavy pouring rain, helping to drown out the tears and screams of agony, from the family next to us.
A murder had taken place here, and that's the mission for today.
To find out, exactly what had happened.
Why, it had happened.

Maybe we could find some clues here...
All we had was hope and determination.

My black coat had been drenched due to the rain, but that didn't bother me. I felt at peace in the rain, which seems like a grim twist considering the situation which was in play.

"Sebastian we have a gruesome scene inside. 18 stab wounds... the bastard that did this - must've really had it out for this guy.."

"I'll need to take a look. Bring me to the crime scene, Rodger."

As we both walked towards the house of misery, a feeling of retreat/complete fear surged through my body. A warning signal. A mental foreshadowing for what the future had in store...

"SEBASTIAN!"

Clarence... the other detective on the job. The kind of "don't fuck with me" guy. A softy at heart, I like to imagine. Or maybe his strive for justice is from righteousness. To finally catch who ever killed this man, as well as the other murders that keep on happening.
To put a stop to it all.
So in a way; his asshole attitude at times, is simply his own determination to succeed in this case.

"Hey Clarence. What have you found so far?"

"Multiple stab wounds and some broken teeth. The wounds look as if a damn Samurai Sword was used. Clean through the man. His stomach, right through to his back... fuck."

The victim looked mangled. Like some animal from a meat factory. The sight of it made my stomach churn. I don't understand why such torture was needed.

The man laying here with lifeless eyes wasn't anyone important.

Not a news reporter. Not some politician. Just a regular man, trying to get by in life.

His family were still outside in grief and disbelief.

My colleges were trying to calm them.
Regardless of their efforts... I decided to question the family myself.
In hopes they could provide any information that would help.

At least the other family members were safe...

"I'm going to question his wife and son."

"That's fine Sebastian. We're going to bring these bastards down.. I CAN FEEL IT THIS TIME!"

"We will... they seem to always be one step ahead. It's... bothering, but we will bring them justice Clarence. We... will bring them down together."

I left the crime scene and approached Miss Lockwell and her son.

As I walked past all the other officers, and crooked door ways - I looked back towards Clarence. He was talking to Joyce about the case - and how it's affecting them and their self esteem.
It's been 5 whole months and we are still steps behind the culprit behind these murders.

I still beat myself up about taking that time off...
I could have helped...
But; there's no need holding on to the past, especially now. I'd only be digging a hole. A hole into an already made abyss. Digging... for no reason to go deeper. Its ironic right now. Considering the circumstances. Excuse my dark humour, or... bad timing of jokes rather.

Not all doom and gloom has to be just that.
You have to laugh and make jokes every now and again.
If not...
You'd just be crying.
It's okay to cry at the beginning.
Just...
Not forever.

...life is hard...