Why Am I Here? I am lost

- The Television -

A normal beginning to the day. Everything was calm. Enjoyable. Even funny at times.
A binge watch of a series I had already seen before. Just to rewatch it's genius.
Then it hit me.

A lot of the show shown what is going on with the world, as well as the experiences that I have had, and have been having. Just in its own way of course.
As movies or television series do.
Interpretations as well as predictions.
Insights in a way that other people can understand or perceive it to be, in their own way. (Even me).
Like how we as people explain things to a child or toddler in a different way. To make it easier to understand. Sex for an example. We tell and have been taught; the story of the birds and the bees. It's not how sex literally is. It's taught that way to someone small to prevent the imagery. To prevent hindering their minds.
we as people are also babies in our own mind at times. Cowering in our fears of normal things that should not cause fear. Even nurtured and kept away from dark secrets. It's sprinkled upon us like a fairy tale, or shown in a simpler light: without the dark side. The full story. Or the full truth.

I heard the voices, clear as could be. They had more focused/personified, personalities. Like they could feel emotions, in how they spoke...
When they called upon me, it sounded as though they were in distress.

"Don't go"
"Don't leave"

And more...

I have a hard time rationalising what is real, and what is not, most times. Almost all of the time. I... hate living like this. Living in confusion.

"Are you kidding me?"

Why, if this is real. if this is a real person, calling my name... why haven't you shown yourself? Why haven't you tried other methods of contacting me? Why aren't you outside when I follow this voice? Why can't I see you?!?!?!?
Why...
Why?

The neighbours already know there's a nutcase living next to them. I... scared them before. Now I have regret and fear of speaking with them. I'm probably the only one holding onto this event.
They are kind, loving people, and I'm the monster.
At least...
That's how I have pictured myself to be.
I don't want to scare them, or to scare other people with my madness. My 'episodes'
(ironically because I'm watching an episodic series)

I hear people, or at least I think it's people;
calling me names, trying to annoy me.

- all because I'm not doing what the voices want me to do.
So...
instead...
I should do the opposite.
Shouldn't I?!

I should go see a doctor...

Why will you give up..?