s v t o n e s h o t s

insecurities | junhao

junhao angst

(NOT PROOF READ- I JUST FELT LIKE WRITING ANGSTY JUNHAO AND NOW WE'RE HERE)

all of his insecurities and fears stemmed from the one he loved most.

***

it was another sleepless night.

how could he sleep when he had so much he needed to work on?

minghao had already gone home hours ago- probably around three, if jun wasn't mistaken. jun told him that he'd be at the dorm soon, just another hour. but one hour became two. and two became three. so on, until it reached eight in the morning.

he refused to go home until he'd gotten the dance down entirely. minghao was talented enough to get the move down quickly, while jun had been struggling. why can't i just... be better?

jun ran a hand through his sweat covered hair, realizing that he'd spent far too long on his break. he'd been resting for ten minutes- ten minutes that he could've spent on dancing.

the dancer felt like he would pass out at any second. but at this point, he wouldn't even care. all he wanted was to get the fucking move down. he needed it to be perfect.

either way, about to pass out or not, he got up and played the song on loop.

jun wasn't stupid. as much as he acted like he was, he really thought through things, examined every small detail. he just stayed silent about his ideas and thoughts.

he could see that he was holding minghao back. holding him down from trying new things. jun wanted to stay in his comfort zone, while minghao wanted to try new things.

they were so different, and that's what made them perfect. or at least, that's what they thought.

when they first met each other, the two's differences were already apparent. jun was so bright and outgoing, while minghao was shy and more quiet. oh, how the tables have turned.

"h-hello?" a small boy, couldn't be older than fifteen, tapped on jun's shoulder. the first thing that jun noticed about him was his poor korean, which made jun feel a little happy, since he also could barely handle a korean conversation, "do you... do you know where- where pledis academy is?"

"oh, you're going to pledis?" jun asked with a small lisp that was caused by his braces. when the boy bit his lip and nodded, jun smiled widely, "i am too!"

"o-oh."

"my name is wen junhui- er, or moon junhwi," jun spoke happily, grabbing the boy's hand and walking in the direction of the academy.

"is- is that chinese?" he asked a little hesitantly.

"mhm! prince of china right here," the older threw up a peace sign, as if there were people taking pictures of him. he then turned to the boy, "what's your name?"

"xu minghao," the boy, minghao, smiled softly. "a pleasure to meet you, wen junhui,"

"the pleasure is all mine, haohao,"

jun smiled at the memory as he continued his dance movements.

the two boys got along well for two or so years, before they started making videos. it started as a joke. something that jun thought would be fun to try. so, they released videos of themselves dancing.

then those gained popularity.

they got scouted by a company, and the two's dreams came true. it was almost like heaven for the pair.

but minghao's goals started to differ from jun's. the older wasn't sure when it started, but he started noticing minghao yearning to drift from jun.

jun didn't want to leave minghao, though. while minghao continued growing his goals, jun was content with his life as long as minghao was there beside him the entire way.

minghao was such a kind person too. he wasn't going to put his wants and dreams and wishes before jun's. and jun recognized that and took advantage of that. it was fine for the first few months, but now it just hurt both of them.

it hurt jun to see minghao longing for something new, and he started to feel like a burden. minghao could be so much happier without me.

minghao would never leave jun- chances are that he wouldn't even talk to jun about him wanting to leave. and jun wasn't going to be the one to bring it up. not like minghao would even notice his pain. jun was an actor, he's been able to lie for years and years.

all this and more goes through jun's head as he dances, trying to let the emotion out movement by movement. every detail represented his pain. every motion told him that minghao's life would be better without him. every heavy breath asked him 'why am i not good enough?'.

because the truth was that he wasn't. if he was, why would minghao want more? minghao wasn't content with jun, like jun was with him. why do you think that is?

it's because minghao deserves better than whatever jun can give him. minghao deserved the world. the universe. any and all universes. and that wasn't what jun could give him.

jun wasn't enough for him.

but he was all that jun wanted.

"junhui...?"

"oh- uh- hi, haohao!" jun put on a smile as minghao walked into the practice room. he walked over to the music to turn it off. "what are you doing here so early?"

"it's eight thirty, jun," minghao let out a small chuckle. his eyes then met jun's. "jun.. are you crying?"

the older's hand reached up to touch under his eye, feeling wetness. he didn't notice when he started. fuck... jun wiped his tears quickly, "no,"

"jun, i'm not an idiot," minghao crossed his arms. "why are you crying?"

silence overtook the room. it felt like minutes before someone spoke again.

"jun?"

"i'm quitting,"