No Matter What

Chapter 15

Meryl tried to sleep, but she couldn't. Her heart was too heavy. Her heart was heavy at everything her husband had gone through. Her heart was heavy at the thought that their children quite possibly could have lost their father, and she could have lost the love of her life. Her heart was heavy at what she had to do to save him. She knew he said he understood, but she was afraid he was just saying that. Now that things had settled down some, she didn't understand it. She couldn't believe she did that. She sat up in bed, watched her husband sleep, and twirled her wedding bands, terrified she had lost the best thing to EVER happen to her.

***

Don wasn't sure how long he had been asleep, but judging by the fact it was still dark out, he was sure it hadn't been very long. He thought he felt a shift in the bed and heard his wife crying. He realized he was right when he opened his eyes and saw his wife sitting up in bed, sobbing into her hands. He was immediately worried. Sure, they had all gone through hell the night before, but he felt it was something more. He carefully sat up. "Darl? What's wrong?"

"Damn it." Meryl swore under her breath as she removed her hands from her face and tried to give her husband a weak smile. "I'm fine, Don Man. I am so sorry I woke you up. Please go back to sleep, baby."

Don shook his head as she wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "Not going to happen while you are still awake and upset. Talk to me, M. Please. Don't treat me like you think I'm going to break."

"Okay." Meryl took a deep breath and told him what was on her mind and heart. "I fucked us up, didn't I? I ruined us. By one signature, I completely lost you and everything we built."

Don really wasn't following. "Darl, what are you talking about?"

"I feel this huge shift between us, and I know it is my fault, and I am so damn sorry." Meryl was sobbing all over again. "I really thought it was the only way to save you. I thought it was a means to an end, that's all. But every time I look into your eyes, I see you breaking, and I break. I feel you pulling away from me when all I want to do is be there for you. I know it is my fault, I know you think I didn't have any faith in us by doing us, but it's because I love you more than anything that I did..."

Don didn't need to hear anymore, he didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't take that his wife thought all that, and so he grabbed her head in his hands, and crushed his lips to hers, devouring her. He wanted to throw her on the bed and make love to her but knew that couldn't happen, instead, he just pressed his forehead to hers once they needed to breathe. "When you look into my eyes and think I'm breaking, it's because I am so fucking mad that whoever did this to me, did this to you. I see your anguish, baby, and it matches mine. NOT because at what you did, but at how much we were hurt. NONE of this is your fault. I know you, Mary Louise Gummer, better than anyone and anything, and I know you HAD to do this. I also know you have more faith in us than ANYTHING."

"You do?" Meryl cried in relief. "I didn't want to do it, Don Man, I was just desperate to save you and truly felt..."

Don placed his finger on her lips, not needing her to say anymore. "I know, baby. I am so sorry if you felt a distance from me. That has NOTHING to do with you. I just have so much I am trying to work out, most of all, how can someone do this to us? If you feel a distance, it is only because I love you so damn much and I am so ashamed that because of my mother you had to make this awful decision. It has nothing to do with you, baby. My god, if anything, I think I love you even more."

"I love you, baby, so damn much." Meryl hated she had put this on him. "You have been through so much, I am so sorry to put this on you."

Don shook his head as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Don't you dare apologize, I hate this was eating away at you. Baby, in these next few days, so much will happen that will be overwhelming. However, I NEVER want you to doubt that I know how much you love me; and most importantly, I never want you to doubt that I love you more than anything, my love. If you feel me pulling away it's only because I am trying to figure everything out. However, I ALWAYS want you to talk to me."