Falling For My Boyfriend's Brother

Chapter 17

Knock Knock.

The sound of the knocking continued to reverberate through the air. Knock knock. Moments had passed still I didn't. My body stay pressed against the front door, my heart beating erratically and a million thoughts running through my mind. Do I open the door? Do I pretend to be out? No, of course not. He would know.

My breath caught in my throat as I heard him sigh- like he knew I was there on the other side of the door. The only barrier between us. 

My head shot up as if I just realised that the sound had stopped. Stopped as if it was never these. Without thinking, I opened the door, frantically searching for him. My eyes landed on the back of his frozen form. His head was slightly to the side as if he was making sure I was there. As if he couldn't turn round completely in case he didn't see what he really wanted to see.

He swivelled round. 'You took your time.' A smile was on his lips but it was small and withdrawn.

'John,' was all I could say.

'Can I come in?' He asked. I could tell he was expecting me to say no. 

I nodded and headed inside. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

'Do you wanna get a coffee? Or hot chocolate? I know coffee wreaks hell on your stomach.' He smiled and it was real this time. But I could tell he was nervous. That just made me feel nervous too. John was a naturally confident and uptight person. His emotions would never suffuse his face.

'Ok,' I replied. 'Let me just grab my jacket and purse.' I ran upstairs and quickly grabbed everything but then I took my time as I came back down.

As I sat in John's car and he drove us into town I realised how nervous I was. So nervous I had an overwhelming need to shit. I sat back and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm my stomach. 

'Penelope, are you ok?' John asked. It was the first thing he said.

'Yeah,' I took another deep breath.

'You wanna shit, don't you?'

My head snapped his way and I gawped at him. 'What?'

'You're nervous,' he responded bluntly. 'So nervous you need to run to the toilet.'

As I continued to stare at him and not reply he must've felt like he needed to elaborate since he carried on.

'You told me that when we first got together, you would get so nervous you were afraid that you'd shit yourself.'

'Oh,' I said sheepishly. It was true. I was so happy that we were together and so afraid that something would go wrong that I used to get huge sets of nerves. Or maybe it was just my IBS.

'I'm sorry I'm making you feel like that. Looks like we've taken three steps back, huh?'

Suddenly the nerves stopped. They stopped because John was normal again. He wasn't nervous but his usual blunt self. That made me feel comfortable. 

I looked him, wondering what to say. He didn't look back though- he was concentrating on the road.

'Actually, I'm feeling ok now. It's just I haven't seen you in some time and you're nervous too. It's weird seeing you nervous. I mean you never get nervous.'

John gave me a quick glance. 'Of course I do. It's just that it doesn't come across that clearly.'

'You were clearly nervous in my house,' I countered. 

'Well, right now I have a lot more to lose.' 

***

I sipped on the hot chocolate, my eyes staring intently at the art decor of the cafe. There were several retro magazines scattered across the oak tables. I tried to read them more as an avoidance tactic rather than genuine interest.