His Ruthless Revenge (A Dark Bully Romance)

Chapter Twelve

Chase

I can't bring myself to get out of the shower. The cascading water pouring onto my face is so soothing, lulling me into a false sense of security. In here I can pretend that everything's alright. In here I can pretend that everything outside these four walls no longer exists.

Nothing can touch me.

April is suspicious. I just know she is. She has been for quite a while now and I keep on catching her giving me these covert glances, trying to figure out what's bothering me and why I'm acting so strangely.

God, I wish I could tell her.

I wish I was able to confess everything and tell her what I was forced to do to protect her. I long to free myself from this unbearable burden but I just can't. I can't because I've found out something else now.

I've found out there's a baby.

I've been avoiding all contact with Louise since she told me she was pregnant. She keeps calling and texting me incessantly but I just can't handle it. I can't even bring myself to accept that any of this is happening, let alone do something about it.
I step out of the shower and grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist before entering the bedroom. April is holding her book as though she's reading it but her eyes aren't moving across the page. They're fixated on the same spot so I know she's not really concentrating.
"Is everything ok?" I ask her, climbing into bed beside her.
"I think you got a text." She says calmly, nodding towards my phone.
"Shit, sorry." I apologise, grabbing it before she can see anything.
I can't believe I was so fucking stupid. Why the hell would I leave my phone out here where April could find it? I put a passcode on it a couple of days ago which is something I've never done before but it's not like I have much of a choice now Louise keeps trying to contact me.
"It's fine, I just hope it's nothing serious." She adds, sounding a little pissed off.
I make sure to keep my back to her while reading the text, worried the expression on my face might give something away if she's watching me.

I've booked the abortion so you don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm taking care of it.

I stare down at the message as I try and catch my breath, struggling to keep my emotions under control. I feel sick to my stomach and fight the inexplicable urge to drive my fist straight through the wall right in front of me.
"I-I have to go." I stutter, clambering for my clothes as I haul them on as fast as I can.
"Chase, it's midnight. Where the hell do you have to go?" She snaps harshly, frustrated and annoyed with me for dashing off again.
"It's a family thing. Curtis has fucked up and I need to take care of it." I lie, stumbling over my words as I try and come up with an excuse.
"Is he ok?"
"I guess I'll soon find out." I reply vaguely, refusing to look at her as I reach for my car keys and my phone. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
"This isn't like you, Chase. What's going on?" She demands firmly.
I freeze in the doorway, pausing a few seconds as I realise she's figured something out and I've been caught.
"I love you, April." I whisper softly, joining her on the bed so I can kiss her. "More than anybody or anything."
I race out of the room, hurling myself down the stairs and out the front door so I can deal with this once and for all.

I speed over to her house and hammer my fists against her front door, pounding against it relentlessly until Louise finally answers.
"What are you doing here?" She gasps, rubbing her tired eyes. "It's really late."
"I don't give a fuck what time it is." I retort sharply, barging my way inside. "You just sent me a text saying you're going to get rid of the baby."
"I thought that's what you wanted." She points out, closing the door behind her as she follows me inside.
"But you actually booked an appointment? You're really going through with it?"
"It's not like I have a choice."
"Except you do." I point out. "You can keep it."
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes." I sigh, forcing myself to admit it.
"What about April?"
"What about her?" I snap bitterly, glaring at her in annoyance.
"You'll have to tell her that I'm pregnant." She argues, folding her arms across her chest.
"April will never know anything about this." I growl menacingly, taking a step closer towards her.
"Don't be stupid, Chase. She has to know."
"She can't know any of this ever happened and I'll do everything in my power to make sure she never finds out." I promise her, clenching both my fists.
"How is that even possible?" Louise quizzes me, shaking her head.
"I don't know. I'll figure that out later. All I need to know right now is that you're not going to go through with this. You won't have the abortion."
"I can't promise anything." She replies evasively, frustrating me even more.
"You can and you will promise me." I command firmly, standing right in front of her.
"Why should I when you don't even plan on telling April?" She cries, her eyes filling up with tears.
"Because that's my business but this is our baby and I'm asking you... begging you to keep it." I whisper, swallowing my pride for the sake of my child. "Please."
She takes hold of my hand and I can't help but flinch, fighting every instinct to not snatch it away.
"The appointment isn't scheduled for another week." She informs me. "I'm not going to cancel it but I promise I won't do anything without telling you."
"Why should I believe anything you say?" I challenge her.
"You'll just have to trust me." She says softly, placing my hand against her stomach.
I leave it there for a few moments, still trying to get my head around the fact that I'm going to be a dad. My baby is in there and I love it already, despite the fact that Louise is its mother.
"I'll never trust you." I reply coldly, pulling my hand away.
"But you want this baby?"
"That's all I want." I clarify. "That doesn't mean I want you."
"Whatever you say." She gloats triumphantly. "You sure wanted me a couple weeks ago when you had sex with me."
I resist the urge to lash out at her and turn my back, trying to control my breathing and the rage building up inside of me.
"I fucked you because I had to. I didn't want you then and I never will. I hated every second of it and just thinking about you makes me feel sick."
"You don't mean that." She adds hastily, shaking her head in denial.
"Trust me, I do." I say calmly, making my way to the front door.
"Chase, don't go! There's still things we need to discuss." She calls after me, desperate to make me stay.
"There's nothing else to discuss." I reply despondently.
"Of course there is. We have to figure this out."
"I have to get back but we'll talk later. Don't you dare even think about harming that baby or I swear to God... I really will destroy you." I warn her, meaning every damn word.

I don't know where I'm driving but I can't stop. I just can't bring myself to go back home to April now I know the consequences of my actions. The same consequences I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.
April will always come first but I can't just turn my back on my unborn child. She's made it clear she doesn't ever want to have kids and I was willing to go along with that but now there's an actual baby involved it's different.
My protective instincts kicked in as soon as Louise told me she'd booked the appointment. I thought that was what I wanted but once I found out it was actually happening I couldn't sit back and do nothing.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did this have to happen?! Why is this happening to me?! I slam my fist against the steering wheel several times in frustration, desperate to numb the pain searing through me by hitting something else instead.
It's all ruined. April will never, ever forgive me if she finds out I got another woman pregnant and I don't blame her. This is why she can never know.
Ever.
I'll make sure I provide for the baby and I'll settle for the occasional photograph or something. That's the only involvement I can have and as much as that hurts me, I know it's the way it has to be. I can't ever be a proper dad to this kid and the knowledge of that kills me. I'd give anything to raise a child properly and prove I can do a far better job than my own dad ever did.

But I can't lose April.

I pull into a lay-by and switch off the engine, letting my head fall back against the head rest as I close my eyes. I'm in the middle of nowhere and take a few moments, seeking a sense of clarity amidst the chaos threatening to consume me.
It's eerily silent and the only sound I can hear is my own heart beating rapidly. I try to focus on the rhythm of my breathing but the volcanic eruption inside my mind is too powerful to ignore.
Please, please, God... help me figure this out. Show me what to do for the best but above all else don't let me lose April.
A single tear falls from my eye and I wipe it furiously, angry with myself for being so weak and pathetic. All I ever wanted was to be happy. I never knew it was possible but April proved to me that it was. She saved me and now I have to save her.
Which is why I'm going to have to live with this secret. I'll live with this guilt for the rest of my life if I have to and she'll never know about the baby. I'll even sacrifice the part I get to play in its life for that to happen.
Maybe I can write to him or her when they're older? Louise can say I work away and that's why I'm never around. My mind floods with possibilities, still trying to process the fact that I'm going to be a dad.
I'd give anything for April to be the one carrying my child and not someone I hate. I never thought this was how things would turn out but I guess I'm stuck with it.
I just can't imagine going to sleep tonight, holding April in my arms and knowing there's a part of me growing inside someone else. It's sickening to me that this happened with the woman who tried to destroy us. The woman who blackmailed me and threatened to destroy everything I've ever cared about.
I clear my throat and wipe my eyes one last time, shaking my head in the hope it will clear my mind before driving home.
I don't know what the hell is going to happen next. I don't know if there's a world where I can be with April and still be a father but I have to try.
All I know is I need them both. I need my baby in my life and I was kidding myself thinking I'd be ok being an absent parent. It's not like I trust Louise to do a good job at being a mum and I can't subject my baby to a life without their father.
There's still so many questions I don't have the answer to. There's so many things I'll have to figure out along the way but I know I can do it. I'll figure it out for April and my baby because they're all that matter to me now. They're all I care about and God help anyone who tries to come between that.