His Ruthless Revenge (A Dark Bully Romance)

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Chase

The blank piece of paper stares back at me as I angrily rip it up and throw it away; frustrated with myself that I haven't managed to write a fucking word on it.
"What's up with you?" My cellmate asks, jumping out of his bed as he walks over to me.
"Mind your own business." I snap angrily, scowling at him so he's forced to take a step back.
"Chill out man." He replies hastily, holding his hands up. "I'm only asking because that's the third time you've done that. What the hell are you wanting to write about anyway?"
"You wouldn't understand." I sigh deeply, dragging my fingers through my hair as I lean back in my chair.
"Try me." He offers amiably, pulling up a chair beside me.
"It's a letter." I answer simply, reluctant to divulge anything else to him. "I can't figure out how to start it or what I should say."
"Then maybe you shouldn't write it." He adds foolishly, shrugging his shoulders.
"I have to." I respond sombrely, lowering my head.
"Why's that?"
"I just do." I retort brusquely, refusing to engage with him anymore.
"Well, I'm getting out of here before it's lock up again. You sure you don't want to step outside and take a breather?"
"Maybe later." I answer despondently, staring back at the next sheet of paper.
"Whatever."

He leaves me to it and I take a deep breath; grabbing hold of my pen as I lower it to the page.

You can do this. You have to.

"I have to." I murmur softly, nodding my head slowly. "I have to and she deserves it."

Dear April,

It's such a cliche to say that this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it actually is.
I've been sitting here for so long now, trying to figure out exactly what I want to say to you and how my words will somehow be able to bring you some comfort and understanding but I know that's not possible.
I know this because I also understand the indescribable pain that you're going through. I know how agonising it is to wake up each day and find that I'm not there beside you and how torturous an entire day can feel without me being there. I know all of this because I feel it too.
I still reach out for you in the dark and feel the excruciating loss when you're not there. I wake up with the expectation of finding you beside me and you're not. Every second of every minute hurts and that's why I want you to know that you're not alone when it comes to the heartache that you're feeling.
I also know that I don't want to prolong the misery that you're feeling any longer than I have to. You're not in control of anything in prison but the one thing I am in control of is this.

Letting you go.

You might not understand why I'm doing such a thing after spending the majority of my life fighting to have you in it. Even when you left me, I made it my life's mission to find you and bring you back. I never once considered the fact that it was your choice. It was always your choice and never should have been mine. I had no right to tell you who you should love or who you should be with but I thought I did. My own happiness came before everything and what I wanted came before anyone. Including you.
So this is why I'm going to do the right thing for the first time in my entire existance. The selfless thing. I'm finally letting you go.
What you do and who you love is your story. You're the author of your own life, April. It should never be anyone else and even though every single part of me wants to hold onto you for dear life and beg you to wait for me... I'm not going to.
I want you to be free. Free of me and my toxic, fucked up way of thinking and my screwed up mind. You've carried the weight of my anger and bitterness for far too long and I'll never fully forgive myself for all the heartache I've put you through. You never deserved any of it because you're the most incredible woman I've ever known. You deserve someone far greater than I am and as much as the thought of you with somebody else absolutely destroys me... if it's what's best for you then I want you to go out there and find it.
It might take a while. It might even take a lifetime but I know that happiness will find you again, April. It really will. Have faith that it's already yours because I truly believe it is.
Don't think about me too often if you can help it. I know how difficult that might be when you're feeling lost but I promise you that there's always light to be found in the darkness.
You were my light and you still all. You always will be but I've come to realise that you've spent so long being that beautiful light for me that you've not been able to find that for yourself. You deserve that, April. I want to give you the chance to find it.

You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me but I know I'm not yours. All I've ever done is cause you pain and suffering. Well, I'm finally putting an end to that. Today. I won't hurt you anymore and the only way I know how to do that is by saying goodbye.
Where I am today is my atonement. It's the price I have to pay for everything I've done to you and I'll do it because I know it's the only way there could ever be an ending to us. I would never have found the strength to walk away from you myself.

Goodbye my love. You can finally be free and find your own light in the darkness. A light you might even find within yourself. Trust and believe that you can do absolutely anything because you can, April. You really can.

Thank you for loving me. I'll cherish that forever.

I love you always... Chase.