I had a dream.
People used to say that when you are at the edge of dying, you actually dream.
You would be looking back from your past to present.
And that's what I'm looking at now.
I saw my deceased parents.
They were holding my small hands while running on a green field with bare foot.
My brother.
He used to be cute boy who takes care of me well.
But things changed when we get older.
I notice that I was reading my brother's books while he's watching the tv all the time.
He doesn't study while I did.
I could still remember how surprise my mom was when she saw me solving the maths that were supposed to be solve by my brother.
My father was surprise when I could speak english to him since he's an english school teacher.
Everything was peaceful until my brother start mixing around with bad people and had a girlfriend in high school.
I could even remember how he used to argue with my parents and lock himself in his room.
Maybe because of the drugs he's taking.
He's always moaning inside his room.
It came to an extent that my parents had given up on him.
And a week before they die, I complained to my parents which says I want to call the police and send my brother to jail.
For taking drugs. For doing sexual activities when there's an underage teen in the house.
It didn't end well. It never will.
Sometimes, i don't find being smart a good thing.
It's true that I could simply give out a law which tells which part of the law that my brother had breached.
It's true that I know he could be imprisoned for the rest of his life for what he did.
But being smart doesn't stop him from harming me once our parents died.
It doesn't stop him from doing bad things when all these while it was my father who are protecting me from him.
Yes, I do have my own room in the house.
But every night, my parents would want me to sleep with them.
Because of fearing what my brother could have done to me when they are sleeping.
He might not be as bad as a murderer but being a rapist itself is much more worse than a murderer.
There are so many times that I wished he would killed me out of rage instead of raping me as a revenge.
I wished he would simply throw my body into the river instead of jailing me in the house like a prisoner.
Sex.
All he wanted was sex when her girlfriend had been caught by the police for taking drugs.
And he had no one whom he could release his sexual needs.
I'm the only option in the house.
The first time happened in the house.
He came in to my room when I was sleeping.
