Melting Ice

Chapter 41

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He doesn't reply.
I'm stuffed from an array of exotic food. Everything, from the simplest dish to caviar inside a lobster, inside a pig, inside my mouth. Surprisingly, it was nice. And edible. I hope!
I feel silk on my body as the back of the, what I think, dress is zipped up.
"Not too tight?", Lillian asks.
"It's perfect", I tell her.
"Open your eyes".
It's that feeling all over again, like the first time. When I finally realise, maybe I'm not so ugly. Maybe I am. But right now I feel dangerous, I feel good about myself. The many layers of silk all hug me gently and I turn to see the back. A zip with thousands of diamonds running along either side.
"This looks familiar", I frown. It's has the exact same look, exact same feel as my first interview dress.
"I know", she replies.
"Why?", I ask turning to face her.
"Orders".
"I didn't think we would get that anymore", I mumble.
"Not everything as changed". I mumble some words which hardly make sense to myself. I slip into shoes gently and adjust my balance and posture. Isabelle would be very proud! The air feels like it's closing in on me, not the first time. My mind drifts back to all the other times it has happened: the reaping, the train ride, the games... Everything about the games. It was frightening and still is whenever I think of it. The games change people. The games always win.
When I was younger, I would watch the Reapings from the safety of my mothers arms. I can still vividly remember the gasp, the single tear followed by silent sobs, when Isabelle volunteered. The same for Cane. Kayla and I would sell cookies each Hunger Games in order to raise money for out tribute, generally the female. It haunts me that I did absolutely nothing to help Kayla. Maybe she would of been safer if I could of done something. Cato tells me that I wasn't my fault, that she is safe and alive now. He would hold me in his strong arms, his lips brushing my forehead, whispering reassuring worlds into my ears. Sure, I helped but he is no God, no saviour. But, he is a warrior. My warrior.
"Come now Clove, the stage awaits", informs Lillian which snaps me out of day dreaming.
"Right", I say softly.
My knees don't tremble, I don't feel weak, my hands don't shake. It's like it's part of my everyday life. As if I wake up each day, follow the same tedious routine, then repeat. As if none of this means anything to me. However, it does. It's a chance to escape; not from Cato, not from Brianna, not from them. A chance to escape from Panem, just for a short while. Just enough to experience what freedom truly feels like.
A hand presses into my back, guiding me towards the right wing of the stage. Caesar sits in the middle, waiting for his cue, his moment to shine. My eyes find the left wing, I imagine Cato there. He would mouth something to me, something cute and flirtatious. It would make my stomach go weak.
The music begins and it's more upbeat than the last time. Caesar does that stupid smile that, somehow, drives the women insane. Stupid purple freak?. But, you've gotta love him. Somehow.
"Welcome, welcome all citizens of Panem! Tonight, we have an extra extra special guest here to tell you about an extra extra extra special mission. You love her, Cato loves here, she's our diamond, our saviour, the capitols favourite ever, in the history of everything, tribute. It's....Clove Kentwell!". The crowd erupts like an exploding volcano, left untouched for thousands of years. I am told to walk onto the glowing stage and towards Caesar. Making sure I don't trip on my heels, I do so and join him in the middle where all the light shine directly on us. It's hard not the squint. Instead, I focus on smiling and waving at the crowd,who are slightly below me when I eventually open my eyes properly and take in my surroundings.
"Welcome back Clove!", exclaims Caesar, squishing me in a big hug. He lets go, "My, aren't you looking fabulous!". I laugh slightly and blush before thanking him, "Thank you Caesar! It's good to be back", I lie.
"A lot has happened in these past years, hasn't it my dear?", I nod sheepishly. The reaping, the games, Brianna, Kayla's games, fights, murders, bombs, district 13...defiantly at lot has happened. "Take a seat, take a seat Clove!", he gestures towards a red plush armchair with golden arm rests and legs. I feel my weight sink into it slightly as I sit down slowly.
"Question time!", he squeals excitedly waving his purplish hands about above his purple hair. I sit back a bit further, this could take a while...
A wave of words, forming a sentence, forming a question, is thrown at me.
"First of all, how is that adorable little Brianna of yours?", he asks with such excitement in his eyes it's unreal.
"Well, there is so much to-".
"Tell me everything!", he interrupts.
"Well", I start again, "Brianna started pre school a little while back and is meeting lots of new people and her social skills are developing rapidly". Really? That's the best I can think of?
"She is such a clever little girl, isn't she?".
"Yes, in so many ways! Cato and I are extremely proud of her".
"Wonderful, just so wonderful! Speaking of Cato", he pauses and wriggles his eyebrows at the audience,"How is your relationship going?".
I laugh softly, "We are very very happy together and I can't wait for the moment we are back together".
"Nothing about perhaps...a wedding? Maybe another child?". My heart sinks slightly, like my small body in this chair.
"Not yet...but I promise you'll know all the details for anything in the future". Will we get married? Will we have another child? Will I ever see him again?