Was It... Just Me?

Letter's to you all

Hey guys☺️

Just wanted to let you know
I will be updating the rest of the book
Pretty soon 🤗
We have somehow gone from 17 chapters to 23
So my weird dream of having 17 chapters because I'm 17 pretty much left the chat😔
I have not fully edited this book or the next chapters
Incase you haven't already figured out🌚
When I do
A few minor things will change
So that it makes more sense😅

Anyway
Don't be a silent reader🙂
Please
Comment, vote, enjoy❤️

Btw what's your favorite movie genre? 🤔

Love K❤️❤️

Since you are the inspiration, it is only suited you receive your own letter's. Letters that don't narrate but, elaborate. There are Forever and Always two sides to a story. You have yours and I have mine. In my story I will believe myself to be rational, as you do in yours. I will also probably neglect some of my faults therefore our stories will Never be the same.

Prepare for my rant

In True Lara Jean style, here are your letters.

Dear Peter

3 years is a long time. I won't start at the beginning.

I guess I should have been honest when you asked me, if we were past "that point". The point where we liked each other and could have a relationship. I lied, that point is long over due. I thought you would have known. Communication is not my strong suit. I am able to read people, so I usually expect people to read me.

Here's the thing you are not just people, you've known me for 3 years and you still can't read me?

So I lied I couldn't break it to you. I couldn't crush the forever fantasy we had of "you and me" right there and then on the field.

I'm afraid now it's just you. I apologise for giving you false hope. I think it's because you've always been my backup. If all else failed we were each other's last resort, but that's the thing, I realized relationships and life aren't about last resorts.

You say you like me and care and make all these promises. Which are supposed to be security and a safety belt but, here's the thing about safety belts they weren't made for more than one person. You can't secure me and every other girl you have a fling with and make promises to at the same time.

This safety belt is holding me back, I can't move forward. I feel like I've just been waiting, to hear you say what you mean not with words but, with actions.

For words without actions, are just meaningless promises and false hope.

When you buy new clothes you wear them, you don't wait for some magical day to wear them. (Bad comparison I know)

Time pasted and we wore each other out in the closet.

I'm sorry. I wish you well. What a great story. You were the first one. I really did like you. I know now I wasn't an act but, Was it just me?  I will never know. Did you actually care at some point or was it all for show? Either way now I must let you go. It's better for us both.

Keo

Dear Josh

I don't know where to start. You are...just different. You were the one I least expected. You came out of nowhere and made your mark.

You have faults and so do I. After everything you caused more good than harm.

Word of advice, next time you like a girl, don't ask for homework as a conversation starter, don't switchup and DON'T Just show up at her house, this is not a movie.

I'm a "people's" person, I need to spend time with you, like in person, I need to grasp what it's like to be around you, be able to imagine what your text sounds like, if you would have said it in person. I don't know your persona when we chat sometimes I get lost reading the texts not sure how to interpret them. It's like there's a ghost on the other side. Of course I couldn't say all of this to you. That's just what I was thinking. I feel my reasons are reasonable

I don't know... Maybe I was  unreasonable. Josh you are  just a confusing guy, I Never know what you are  feeling. That's the real problem actually. It's like you say all these sweet things, without me knowing if there is real emotion, they mean nothing.

If according to you we were so close online, my question was, why were we strangers in real life?
Relationships are about the connection. I may sound harsh but, I couldn't only connect with words on a screen.

I just, believe if it is/was so "real" it wouldn't be so easy to go from everything to nothing. But hey, that's just me.

I think we are just very different people.

I do wanna thank you though.
For showing me that friendship and clear efforts from the male species is definitely possible. I Never knew for sure until you and even then it took me a while to see. You showed what you wanted and I think if I was actually interested things...
would have gone well??

However I wasn't. I was just lost and exploring your universe, and I feel like deep down you knew that and wanted to save me but, we both knew I was never ment to be saved by you.

Keo

Dear Harry

First off, I want to thank you,
Had you not disturbed that natural spin of my universe I would still think being someone's "back-up" is acceptable

Now down to business.

You are flawless, and yet you doubt yourself.

Time is a curious thing. I have endured your presence for little over a year and I swear it feels like five.

I just can't figure you out. Are you just as confused as I am? Is that why you stare at me? Tell me what you're thinking? Why let me in one day and push me out the next?

ANSWERS!! I need them.

This whole thing has been taking it's toll on me.

How can you be stuck in my head and yet whenever I'm with you, you say nothing.

I'm an introverted extrovert. I adjust according to people. You however I cannot adjust to.

I ask myself what are my faults?

Do I become too much of an extrovert? Am I too loud? Do I dig too deep? Am I crazy? Was it all in my head? Was it just me?

I need you to tell me

You see I can't handle this any longer.
I need to from my own closure but that's very hard to do without answers from you.

I try put myself in your shoes.
To see your side of the story, thinking it will help me understand. But to understand you need knowledge. You need to know how the other person thinks.

That's where the problem comes in.
Like me you have walls. Walls taller than anything I've see before.

I tore my down my walls thinking, you would do the same, but you didn't.

Then as soon as I rebuilt them you took down yours and I was too tired, hurt and annoyed to care. It is as though we were star-crossed like Romeo and his Juliet.

I never understood as child, why time and the universe could not spare them a moment and it would not have resulted in a tragedy. Now I know had they survived their families would most likely still be filled with selfishness and found a way to split them apart.

"The universe knows what it's doing"
Is what I tell myself for closure

I have run out of energy, I cannot go breakdown my walls again with no guarantee that I will not have to build them up by myself again

For in life everything is what it is.
And yet still Harry, in moments I ask myself
Has the universe spoken?
And should we be done listening?

Keo