Was It... Just Me?

17- Over thinkers worst nightmare

Harry Harry Harry
When will it end

Thoughts that replayed in my head too many times.
I had been avoiding him lately
It was easy considering Physics was the only class we had together this year.

***
There I was minding my business in class and then
He was there
Leaning
close into me!
Looking at my book
With his smell surrounding me

K: what are you doing?

H: I need answers

That makes two of us

K: But you can't read my handwriting and Lola's book is right next to mine

For some who's so smart you'd think he'd have more common sense

He just kept quiet and carried on

I just don't know what to do with him

***
A few days later

I walk out of my boring Economics lesson only to be bombarded by Harry and his friends outside

Peachy

Christian (Harry's friend):
Keo ?? I didn't know you take economics

Keo: um yes, I always have

I say as though it's obvious

Harry: yes she always has, she takes physics, Economics and Life Sciences right?

I try not to be shocked that Harry actually pays enough attention to know what subjects I take.

Keo: yes that is correct, well we should go

I say as Leslie and Angel finally exit the class

For a while I haven't been giving Harry much thought , I've been too busy to and besides it keeps me sane.

***
In a matter of weeks life went form normal to surreal in the worst way possible

Covid-19 hit, school was closing and just like that I had 5 months apart from everyone and it was nothing but me and my thoughts an overthinker's worst nightmare.

At first it was great
I had more time with my family
We were working out and
Online school was...okay I guess.

Inevitably I became depressed.

I don't mean really sad, I mean depressed
I had to take a break from social media

There were many reasons
I missed my friends, being outside with actual people.
I was realizing all the things I hadn't accomplished.
I was re-analysing all of my relationships,
I simply didn't feel like myself
Spearing the other details

I'll give you the ones you came for

Harry's Birthday came around in April shortly after the President announced a national Lockdown.

It took a lot out of me to wish him happy birthday.
I found myself wondering why.
Why was it hard to wish him happy birthday
He'd think I cared
I didn't
Or did I?
Why it was hard to Not wish him happy birthday
He'd think I didn't care
It would hurt him
I didn't want to hurt him
I did care
Didn't I?

I remembered how much the chocolate ment to him... Well the chocolate from me.

I also couldn't help but think he wished me 'happy birthday', because I wished him.
Would he have said happy birthday if my birthday was first?
Would he have given me a chocolate if I didn't?

Or did he just feel obligated to because I did?

After I while I concluded I had been blocking out my feelings for Harry this year, I had not actually been dealing with them. I was avoiding him not just in person, but in my head too.

I kept replaying the last time I saw him

^^^

It was after school and Leslie, Emily and I were talking, waiting to go home.

Harry's friends had just left so he came to join us.

Harry: why did the conversation stop when I came, was it about me?

He asked cockily

Keo: um no, not everything is about you, the conversation was just over that's why.

All my bottled up annoyance from his #180ing was slipping a bit.

I don't remember what we spoke about after but eventually we had to leave.

I hugged Harry first and...
He gave me,
Me?
the "f-boy" hug
Can you Imagine???

I can't explain it
It's just something you know and feel.
It wasn't like his normal sweet hugs
It was the 'showing you off' kind of hug

And Then

He had the audacity to do give the same hug to Emily and Leslie

I squinted my eyes watching in disbelief as I, internally nodded my head in that moment of realization that I was just like every other girl to him.

So what do you say to that
How do you let go and go along with that
When the sweet moments also keep replaying as well
The the good and the bad keep counteracting each other.

I was trying to figure out what to do.

The world had stopped

and it was usually spinning when people turned "17"

Hey guys

Harry's POV on the way😆😆😆

Don't forget to vote❤️