Was It... Just Me?

Falling into magicians arms

Keo

Ok so first of all, you know how in almost everything there's that one thing the changes everything and, of course the universe is a place of cause and effect, as physics has explained: Everything affects Everything.

Well "10th GRADE", yup that's the one.
The force the set up a series of unforseen circumstances. One decision...changed everything.

Towards the end of 9th grade after everything that had happened ( to be explained). I had decided to change.
Change what? you ask...
Change Me. Reinvent myself. Be...reborn.

I had been convinced that, not having a relationship in highschool was outrageous. My head became obsessed with the idea of me:
Branching out, meeting new people, expanding my boundaries, going to new heights, stepping out of the box.

As much as I had the right intension,
I definitely didn't have the right motivation. ( P. S. The persistence of peer pressure may evoke loss of sight.)

Josh

There I was, my fingers lingering above the keyboard, deciding whether or not to reply to the everyday, courteous, unrequited "goodnight" text.

Then there was a reply, I didn't regret it in the moment, it was just new. The new me had decided to explore the Galaxy of Josh. Now, remember he wasn't my type, I only did it to "play along", see exactly, what his intentions were. I felt an encouraging feeling because, I knew I wasn't lying to myself about My intentions.

Reciprocating not just the texts but, also the effort put into them, was like opening some kind of door to an alternate universe. I discovered that this whole time I had been oblivious to one fact.

Yes, he had the "don't care attitude" but, he was also human. I then questioned my boundaries. This is where I really lost certainty in my sight.

In my pathway of reciprocation I discovered...

"I wanna be a lawyer", He too had hopes and dreams.

"What, really?"

"Yeah, why so surprised"

"I don't know, I guess... nevermind"

(I didn't say it but I never thought he took life seriously enough to want to be one...harsh I know)

"You listen to Coldplay?!?, That's crazy no one I've met listens to Coldplay"

"Yeah, they're pretty good, my dad and I could listen to them all day"

"No ways! My dad is totally obsessed with them, that's the only reason I love them so much"

...
"I never pegged you for a Harry Potter guy"

"Yeah, I've seen all of them"

"Really, the first three are kinda boring though"

(Me testing to see if he is lying. )
"Nah, they aren't that bad, they are the foundation".

(When I was younger I despised Harry Potter, my cousin loved it so much and I didn't understand why he did. One day we watched all 8 films from beginning to end and then I became obsessed, wondering how, I overlooked such a brilliant franchise. I realized it was because I didn't understand the storyline until that day and that's why I disliked it before. Anyway since that day my cousin and I share a love for Harry Potter.)

I always fantasized about a Decent guy who I could also share that love with, which in my would is Highly unlikely. That's why I doubted him. It was like the rebel admitting he is a nerd. I'm still pretty sure he said that just to get to me.