The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xv.

Hyungwon followed Jooheon into the restaurant, which was tucked neatly into a corner and had perpendicular bays of windows overlooking the street. Jooheon immediately made for the west wall, waving to the others as he sat down at the back table. He looked over his shoulder at Hyungwon, who had hesitated just inside the door. "What are you waiting for?"

Hyungwon realized that he drew more attention the longer he just stood there, so he went to the table but stopped short once again. The seats next to Jooheon were already taken by Minhuyk and Hoseok. Hyungwon felt unreasonably angry at Jooheon for a second for dragging him all the way out here only to abandon him at the table, but he knew it had been unintentional and that Jooheon hadn't considered how awkward Hyungwon might feel sitting beside strangers. He didn't want to voice any of this to Jooheon and be regarded as petty and small-minded - of course, he was absolutely guilty of the first count - so he just slid into the booth opposite them, the windows to his back. That was another stroke of misfortune; Hyungwon had planned on looking out the window to pass the time of this social outing, but now he couldn't.

He was sitting directly across from Minhyuk, who grinned at him, but Hyungwon could only manage a faint upturning of the lips in return. There was expectation within Minhyuk's body language that they would have a conversation, but Hyungwon tried with his own body language to discourage that notion by turning slightly inward and propping his head up on his left palm. The only other person in the booth was Hyunwoo, who Hyungwon strangely enough felt a strange kinship with. Probably because Hyunwoo wasn't paying much attention to him but was quietly and meticulously pouring over the menu that was on the table between the two of them. The light streaming in behind them caught on the shiny skin of Hyunwoo's scar, and Hyungwon's stomach tightened, but not unpleasantly.

He decided that he was in fact okay with the seating arrangement.

"Where's Kiki? And the newbie?" Jooheon asked, looking at Hyunwoo, who Hyungwon surmised to have some sort of seniority or authority over the group.

Hyunwoo, to his credit, didn't look up from the menu as he answered in a calm voice that Hyungwon was growing to like. "Kihyun said he would rather double his student loan and move to France than hang out with Minhyuk, and Changkyun said he already had plans."

Jooheon looked over at Minhyuk. "Are you two fighting again?"

Minhyuk just smirked, looking for all the world like the Chesire cat. "Let's just say that Kihyun lost a bet and now he's pissed at me for his own poor judgement."

Jooheon and Minhyuk struck up a conversation about the bet that Hyungwon tuned out, and he got the feeling that Hoseok was looking at him and waiting for him to look up so they could talk, but Hyungwon avoided him as well.

It was a few minutes before a waitress stopped by their table to ask for their drink orders. He stared down at the menu between him and Hyunwoo because it was easier than meeting any of the others' eyes. There was a moment of silence that seemed to grow in intensity, and Hyungwon realized she must have already taken all their orders while he'd zoned out.

"Uh, can I just get a water?" he asked the waitress, looking up, and he immediately felt stupid because of course they had water and obviously they weren't going to withhold it from him.

She stared at him for a second, and Hyungwon abruptly remembered that he'd left his face mask at home after being dragged out of his house by Jooheon. He knew she was staring at his scars in abject horror, so he quickly dipped his head back down, wishing he had something he could hide behind.

He heard her clear her throat before scribbling something on her notepad. "Sure, a water, of course. I'll be right back with your drink." And then she was gone.

"Damn, it looked like she was ready to jump you, Hyungwon," Minhyuk said with a bubbling laugh, and Hyungwon felt his face burn, both in remembrance and in humiliation.

"Shut up," he whispered, but not loud enough for the other side of the table to hear him. He picked up the menu, holding it in front of his face to hide from their sight.

Hyunwoo looked over though, concern shaping his brows as he took in Hyungwon's hunched over form. "Give it a rest," he told Minhyuk, and after a short protest, the others resumed their earlier conversation. Hyunwoo shifted so he was occupying the middle seat of the booth. "Are you okay?" he asked in a soft voice, leaning in slightly so his face was also hidden by the menu and so the others wouldn't ask to hear what they were talking about.

Hyungwon just stared at Hyunwoo for a long moment before swallowing and nodding. "I'm fine," he said. He was still a bit shaky from the encounter and the look she'd given him, but it was more than that. He'd forgotten his mask. When had he gotten so careless? The thought worried him.

When the waitress came back, Hyungwon kept his head down, mumbling a "thank you" as a glass of water was setting before him but not giving her an opportunity to gawk at his scars again.

Once she left, he kept himself occupied by using the straw to stir his water, swirling it so the water lapped against the sides of the glass, almost overcoming the rim but never quite reaching that high. The others kept up constant conversation, and Hyungwon was starting to get a headache. He was just beginning to wonder if it would be rude of him to excuse himself and leave when the waitress returned to take their orders for food. Hyungwon panicked at the idea of having to order anything; even though he'd been hungry earlier, his appetite had completely dissolved. But he knew that not ordering would only draw more attention so he picked the cheapest entree on the menu, still avoiding eye contact with the waitress.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and just stood in front of the mirror for a long moment, hands on either side of the sink to prop himself up. He grabbed a paper towel and folded it twice into a small compress before holding it under the faucet for a moment. Then he turned off the faucet and held the cold paper towel against his forehead. He thought that maybe it would get rid of his headache, but really he just needed the cold against his skull to calm down his thoughts. He got overheated when he was anxious, and he needed to keep it together until he could leave.

He threw the paper towel away and raked his fingers through his wet bangs, flicking his hand so the water droplets fell back into the sink, whereupon they crept down into the drain and disappeared. After he was satisfied that no one would notice a difference in his appearance, he exited the bathroom, sliding back into the booth but still avoiding conversation. Every now and then, Hoseok or Minhyuk would ask him a question, and he'd deliver a short but polite enough answer, usually just a nod, and then the conversation would bounce away on some divergent path.

He thought about faking a phone call as an excuse to leave, but he didn't think they'd believe that he had anyone in his phone aside from his therapist. If Jooheon's number hadn't been added, then he wouldn't have believed it, either. But he couldn't exactly enlist Jooheon's assistance in ditching the outing Jooheon had invited him to, and he didn't want to fake sick on the off chance that anyone got worried. He thought that if he just up and left, they would probably attribute the rude behavior to the recent death of his family, and that worked well enough for him. It wasn't really a lie.

Once the food came, Hyungwon got a to-go box and, with a quick wave and a "thanks for inviting me," slipped back out the front door and hurried down the sidewalk, keeping his eyes away from the bay of windows where he knew they were probably all staring at him in confusion.

Hyungwon couldn't really explain it, but sometimes,he just needed to not be around people.

hey y'all, just a heads up, there could potentially be some triggering content coming up, but i promise nothing will be graphic or explicit. still, if you're concerned, feel free to dm me about it and i'll let you know what might come up (but i'd rather not just blurt it out here and spoil things). thanks :)