The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xliii.

--warning: this chapter is more direct/visual in the themes of violence and referenced sexual abuse--

"I got a call from your counselor," Father tells him. It's the first thing he says to Hyungwon when he gets home, and Hyungwon knows this won't end well.

"It was just a routine visit," Hyungwon says, trying to brush past Father, but he catches Hyungwon's wrist, applying enough pressure to make Hyungwon wince in pain.

"You're a little fucking liar," Father whispers in his ear. "I bet you tried to tell her about our secret, didn't you."

Hyungwon squeezes his eyes shut. "I didn't, I swear," Hyungwon says. It feels like his wrist is going to break. "I didn't tell her anything. She wouldn't believe me anyway," Hyungwon says, and he feels Father's grip relax just a touch.

"That's right," Father says, and he releases Hyungwon's wrist to stroke his cheek.

Hyungwon tenses, willing himself to stay still even though he wants to slap the hand away.

"And don't you ever forget that," Father says, and his hand moves to Hyungwon's throat, skimming over the delicate skin for a moment before bring up his other hand and tightening his grip, and Hyungwon can't breathe – hasn't been able to breathe all day – but he knows he isn't allowed to pass out or break free.

He remembers the deal he made with Father. If this is what Father wants, then Hyungwon needs to be obedient and receive it willingly.

His vision flickers, black spots appearing and multiplying, and Hyungwon is just starting to think that he really might die when Father eases up. Hyungwon's first breath burns, and none of the following breaths seem to do anything at all for a while. Father's hand is in his hair, smoothing it and pulling at it abruptly to expose Hyungwon's neck, which he knows from experience now displays a new necklace of bruising skin.

"Beautiful," Father whispers as he presses his lips to Hyungwon's throat, and Hyungwon gasps, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he's finally able to get a little bit of air, and it hurts so much to breathe. Father pulls back from his neck but keeps his hand curled around Hyungwon's hair, holding his head back at a painful angle so Hyungwon has to look up at Father. "My little whore," Father says, and Hyungwon trembles at the name. "So obedient and well-trained. Aren't you a good little boy?"

There's something horribly perverse about the phrase, a twisting of innocence and youth. Hyungwon shudders at the moniker, the one from his childhood when he didn't yet know what horrors awaited him.

"Well?" Father asks, yanking at his hair, and Hyungwon gasps, his throat arching painfully. "Are you or aren't you?"

"I'm a- a good little boy," Hyungwon chokes out, his voice rough, and it hurts to talk.

"Whose good little boy?"

"Yours," Hyungwon whispers, and he hates the light in Father's eyes, hates the enjoyment he's taking out of Hyungwon's pain. "I'm your good little boy."

Father smiles and finally lets go of Hyungwon, and it's all Hyungwon can do to not start coughing and sucking in breaths of air. "My good little boy," Father muses, a hand settling on Hyungwon's waist before creeping down further and scratching at Hyungwon's skin through the fabric of his pants. Hyungwon flinches, his heart beating fast with the horrible thought that maybe Father would demand his company right now while Mi-Yeon was undoubtedly playing in her room just a few doors down, but then Father just pinches Hyungwon and steps back, allowing Hyungwon a clear path to his room. "Just like how things used to be."

And Hyungwon forces himself to give a small nod before he slowly walks to his room. He wants to run, he wants to scream and dissipate into the air in a million particles, but he just walks to his room, shuts the door, and falls to the floor until he's needed again.

--

He tells Father that night while Mi-Yeon is sleeping that he's no longer friends with Jooheon. Father is happy; he is a little gentler with Hyungwon that night, and Hyungwon feels guilty for only a moment that he gave away his friend for a brief respite from the usual pain. While his body is being violated, Hyungwon pictures Mi-Yeon's face. He tells himself he is doing this for her, that he can save her.

But in his mind, Mi-Yeon is crying, and Hyungwon can do nothing to stop it.

--updated 08/17/20, part 2/5--