The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xix.

Hyungwon arrived for his appointment a little early next week with a folded piece of paper clenched in his right hand. He'd tried to write down the "episodes," as she'd called them. They were strange. Not scary, really. Just...odd. Like he'd see someone riding a bike, and just for a second, it would turn red, but then he'd blink again and it would be blue or green or whatever color it was supposed to be. Not scary, but...odd.

There were, in total, about a dozen different moments listed on the sheet of paper. He didn't know what they meant – he was concerned that maybe he'd gotten a head injury from the crash that had never been addressed – but he was hoping she could tell him today.

Even though he was just under half an hour early, she opened the door and popped her head out. "Hyungwon," she greeted, seeming surprised but also like she was in a rush, which was very out of character for her. "Why don't you come in?"

Hyungwon's eyes darted past her, trying to see inside the room, but he couldn't make out much. "Don't have you another person right now?" He felt weird calling them clients. And then he felt weird for thinking of himself as a client.

"I cancelled all my other appointments today," she said, and Hyungwon felt a small flame of panic ignite in his stomach. "I just thought that we have a lot to talk about." She paused, misreading his nerves. "Don't worry, Hyungwon, I won't charge you for any extra time today. I just think that we're very close to something, and I think it's best if we try to figure that out today, however long it may take."

Don't be scared, I'm right here. The words were from a memory, one that hadn't yet crystallized in his mind, but instead of providing him calm, he felt a spike of panic.

After a moment, Hyungwon nodded, putting the unclear memory out of his mind. He wanted to know what was wrong with himself as well, after all. He followed her in and took his usual seat, setting the folded paper on the table, but he blinked because he had the acute sense that something was missing.

The yarn. The ball of yarn wasn't on the table where it normally was.

He looked up as she closed the door. He felt like asking her about it would be stupid, but she seemed to notice his distress as she sat down.

"I'm sorry, Hyungwon. I decided to put the yarn away for today because I've noticed that you use it to avoid thinking about things or answering honestly sometimes, and I think that honesty is especially important today."

Hyungwon frowned but nodded. Maybe it was due to all the changes – starting early, her cancelling her other appointments, her general demeanor, the missing yarn – but he could feel his anxiety growing.

"I know I usually ask you to start our conversations," she said. Beside her armchair was a small coffee table upon which rested a notepad. She glanced over at it, her frown dipping before she looked back at him. "But today, I'm hoping that it's all right for me to start off with a few things. Is that okay, Hyungwon?"

He nodded because she was the expert on psychology, not him.

"Okay," she said, and she took a deep breath as though in an attempt to calm some of her own nervous energy, but it didn't seem to work. "Last week, you mentioned your new friend Jooheon and the club you've joined, right?"

Hyungwon shrugged, his fingers itching for the yarn. He didn't like sitting still. "I haven't officially joined, but yes."

She was silent for a long moment before exhaling sharply. "Hyungwon, I've had a week to work on your case and think over what to do, but I don't know exactly how to go about this. Please forgive me if I will have made this process more painful for you, but it's my job to help you grow past what's holding you back and to speak truth to you, even if it's not always what you want to hear."