The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xxxvii.

Hyungwon has been missing more school. Father is not kind, almost as though he can sense that all Hyungwon can think about is a bus ticket. Hyungwon notices how Jooheon looks at him more often now. He can tell that Jooheon is curious, and not in a good way.

Father frequently reminds Hyungwon what will happen if anyone finds out.

And so Hyungwon keeps silent about what happens at home while Father continues to torment him.

He's at Jooheon's house one time when his phone buzzes. It's Father, instructing Hyungwon to send explicit photos. Hyungwon freezes up; Jooheon is just several feet away, picking out a game to play. He hasn't seen the text.

Hyungwon texts back that he can't right now; he's at Jooheon's house. He doesn't want to at all, but he knows that if he outright refuses, tonight will be worse than usual.

But Father doesn't accept his excuse. He texts Hyungwon that he'll make sure he won't be able to go to school for a week if he doesn't send the pictures.

Hyungwon's hands are shaking as he slips his phone into his pocket and tells Jooheon that he has to use the bathroom. Jooheon just says okay and keeps looking over video games. He doesn't even look up.

Hyungwon returns several minutes later. His bangs are slightly wet; he had to splash water onto his face to stop himself from throwing up. Jooheon's finally picked out the game, and Hyungwon proceeds to lose the first round.

His phone buzzes again, and his stomach roils further. He doesn't want to look but he knows he'll make things worse for himself if he doesn't. He puts down the video game controller and pulls out his phone to find several obscene comments. Father's comments were always an incomprehensible mess, sometimes praising Hyungwon and sometimes criticizing him in the harshest of ways.

Hyungwon types back something vulgar in the way that Father likes him to. He feels filthy as he sends the message, and he feels even filthier when he imagines Father reading it and what he might be doing at this very moment in response to the pictures. But he's scared what will happen if he doesn't. Scared of what tonight will bring.

Jooheon sees him put the phone away but doesn't say anything, even when Hyungwon starts crying. Jooheon just turns off the game and remains sitting beside Hyungwon. He tries to put an arm around Hyungwon's shoulders to hold him, but Hyungwon smacks his arm away. He can't stand to be touched.

Jooheon waits a few minutes before saying anything. "Hyungwon, what's been going on with you?" he asks softly, and Hyungwon, who has been cold for so long now, heats up with panic.

He wipes at his tears in desperation, thinking foolishly that if he can just hide the tear tracks, they can forget this happened. He can't share his secret. He knows what Jooheon will think of him if he finds out, and Jooheon is all he has right now. But when he looks up, Jooheon is staring at him, waiting for an answer.

"You've been missing school a lot," Jooheon says carefully, his voice low. The twins tended to run around the house and could pop into Jooheon's room at any second if they thought something was happening. "And you always look scared when you check your phone. What's going on, Hyungwon? Who's doing this to you?"

Hyungwon just shakes his head.

"Is it that you won't tell me? Or that you can't?"

"Can't," Hyungwon chokes out because he knows he can't just get out of this by saying he's fine.

"Hyungwon," Jooheon says, his voice soft as he scoots closer, but he doesn't try touching Hyungwon again. "I can help you. I can tell our teacher or my parents and-"

"No," Hyungwon says immediately, his entirely body tensing up. He's ready to fight Jooheon – to injure him even – whatever it takes to stop Jooheon from following through on his words. "You can't say anything, not to anybody."

"Hyungwon, you're obviously not okay," Jooheon says, clenching his hands into fists. "Why can't you let me help you?"

Hyungwon clambers to his feet, phone heavy in his pocket, and Jooheon gets up too, hands up defensively as though Hyungwon is a skittish animal. "I don't want or need your help. I'm fine," he says, even though both of them know the words are empty. "If you tell anybody about this, I'll- I'll disappear and you'll never see me again. I mean it, Jooheon."

"Hyungwon, relax," Jooheon says, his palms still up. "It's okay," he says, and those are the least applicable words Hyungwon has ever heard. "I...I won't tell anyone, if that's what you want," Jooheon says after a moment, and Hyungwon wouldn't have believed him if he didn't see how hard it was for him to force the words out. "I won't tell anyone, okay? And...you don't have to tell me, if you don't want. Just...let me know if there's anything I can do. Whatever you need. If you need a place to stay, or if you decide you want to tell someone-"

Hyungwon tenses up again at that, and Jooheon takes a step back, trying to soothe him.

"Whatever you need," Jooheon repeats. There's a newfound hesitance in his eyes, and Hyungwon can tell that Jooheon doesn't know how to approach him anymore or what to say.

The two stand there, bodies tense, waiting for Hyungwon to say something. Eventually, he nods and sits back down on the carpet. For now, all he wants is to not have to go home just yet.

Jooheon seems to understand and turns the game back on, and they don't talk about it for the rest of the day.

--updated 08/03/20, part 2/3--