The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xxix.

Hyungwon is twelve, and he's mostly alone in school now. After he gave away his game to one of the other kids in his class, kids wanted to play with that kid instead of him, and that was okay with Hyungwon. He used to enjoy playing with the other kids in his class, but he doesn't anymore and he's not sure why. He feels like things are different now, that he is different from them. He eats lunch alone in the classroom, and when the school day is over, he walks home.

Father tells him that they're going to go camping again. Hyungwon is upset because they go camping rather often and it isn't fun anymore. He doesn't even like looking at the stars at night. Father says they're going and that's that, but Hyungwon throws a tantrum.

Father apologizes and says that they don't have to go, but would Hyungwon still like to spend some time with Father? And Hyungwon, realizing how childish and selfish he is being and how much Father dislikes when he behaves that way, agrees.

And so that night, instead of camping out in a tent among the trees, Hyungwon and Father make a little blanket tent in Hyungwon's room. When they finish, Hyungwon says that his bed is too small for both of them, and Father says that it's okay, they'll just sleep close together. Hyungwon is unsure, but Father says it's okay and Hyungwon trusts Father.

Father helps Hyungwon change, pulling his shirt up over his head and helping him get his pants and underwear off. Father begins undressing too, and Hyungwon hesitates. He asks if Father is going to get pajamas, but Father says that if they're sleeping so close together, they'll get too hot with pajamas on. This makes sense to Hyungwon, so they both climb into Hyungwon's bed, Father's chest to Hyungwon's back. And Hyungwon realizes that Father is right, that even with no clothes on, he's already a little too warm.

He tells Father of this and says that maybe they should sleep in different rooms.

Father asks if that means that Hyungwon doesn't love him.

Hyungwon quickly tells Father that he loves him, and Father says that he isn't sure that he believes Hyungwon. Hyungwon is almost in tears and he tells Father that he really truly loves him, that he loves Father more than anyone else and how can he show Father that?

Father says that it's okay, he believes Hyungwon, and all he needs to do to convince Father is to just lay with him tonight, even if it's a little warm. Hyungwon tries to sleep, but it's difficult because he feels parts of Father pressing against him. Hyungwon turns over so he's face-to-face with Father, and Father asks him what's wrong.

Hyungwon tells Father, and Father asks Hyungwon what specifically he felt. Hyungwon points, and Father says, Don't point, I can't see well in the dark. Just touch whatever you felt, okay?

Hyungwon hesitates. It feels wrong somehow, even though Father has told him many times that it's perfectly okay and even though Father has touched parts of Hyungwon.

Father encourages him to go ahead, and after a second, Hyungwon puts his hand on what he had felt earlier. It feels wrong and dirty somehow, and he tells Father this, tears in his eyes even as his hand still rests on his Father's skin.

Father tells Hyungwon that it's okay, that he's okay, and he rubs a hand along Hyungwon's back and a little lower.

Even though they're on a mattress and not on the hard ground of the forest, Hyungwon can't sleep that night.

--updated 07/14/20, part 3/3--