The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xiii.

Hyungwon didn't go to class that Friday. He thought he'd managed to turn things around a bit when he had started attending school again on Monday, even going to a club meeting, but in the end, nothing had changed. He was still the same troubled person who had isolated himself for an entire week, and the only thing that he regretted about it was that it hadn't been longer.

At some point in the early afternoon, his phone rang, and he ignored it, not even bothering to look at the caller ID. Chances were that it was the insurance agency, or the unknown number that had been calling him for a few weeks now. Maybe it was his therapist checking in, but even if it were her, he had nothing to say. He didn't want to explain what had happened yesterday. Explanation implied logic, reasoning. He wasn't sure he'd had either of those in that moment, or even now.

A few minutes later, he looked over at his phone to check the time and saw that the call had come from an unknown number. This one, however, looked vaguely familiar. It took Hyungwon a few minutes to place it as Jooheon's number, the one he had scribbled on the back of a coupon, the one Hyungwon had never been able to completely decipher. The numbers he had been able to identify, however, looked similar to the call logged on his phone. He recalled having given his number to Jooheon at the club meeting yesterday at the other's request, but he didn't think he'd actually use it. Certainly not so soon.

Hyungwon stalled for a long moment before deciding that he really had nothing to lose. He called the number back, hitting the button for redial as he folded himself onto the couch, eyes flicking to the TV. He used the remote to turn it on, thinking that maybe he'd watch something to pass the time.

"Hyungwon!"

Hyungwon flinched at the eagerness in his tone as he went back to scrolling through titles on Netflix. "Yeah." He hesitated, knowing that he'd often come off as rude, but he didn't really have any reason to trust Jooheon as of yet. "What is it?"

"Me and some of the guys were going to head out, maybe grab a bite or something," Jooheon said. Hyungwon assumed that "the guys" were other Tri Chi members, although Hyungwon couldn't begin to guess why Jooheon had called him.

"Okay...? Have fun?" Hyungwon clicked on a horror movie to view more details. He really only liked low budget horror movies, as he didn't actually want to be scared but rather wanted to laugh at the horrible script and predictable consequences of the main character's poor decisions. This particular movie looked to be too high-budget for him, so he exited and continued his search.

Jooheon's laugh made Hyungwon flush in humiliation at having not understood his message correctly, and he stopped scrolling for a second, knitting his lips into a tight frown. "No, well I mean, I will, but I didn't call just to tell you my evening plans." Hyungwon could hear Jooheon's smile through the phone. "Well? Are you free?"

Hyungwon almost choked on the air he'd previously been trying to inhale. "Come again?"

"Can you hang out?" Jooheon rephrased. "And don't say no because I know you skipped school and are undoubtedly just chilling in your house."

Hyungwon stared at the television before flicking it off as though to deny Jooheon's assertion. He set the remote down and stretched out on the couch, his head slipping over the armrest and hanging upside down as he stared at the ceiling in contemplation. "Can I say no for a different reason?"

"Not really. But let's hear your excuse anyway."

"I'm...sick?" Hyungwon's eyes circled up to the ceiling. In all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure as to why he needed an excuse and why he couldn't just go with them. He was hungry, and buying a meal was a lot easier than cooking one.

"Come on Hyungwon, you can do better than that."

For some reason, the words brought a small smile to his lips. "I have to meet someone important?"

"Precisely, me. So you'd better be coming. We can pick you up in ten, sound okay?"

Hyungwon froze at the last sentence. He knew it was cowardly and he was only prolonging the inevitable, but he hadn't been in a car since the accident, minus the trip home from the hospital. He knew it was ridiculous, not to mention stupid, and that the odds of getting in two car crashes within half a year were slim to none, but he was stubborn and a little bit scared. He didn't know how to communicate that to Jooheon, though. "Um, I don't..I can't-"

"Are you still trying to avoid coming?" Jooheon asked with an exasperated laugh. "Hyungwon-"

"I can't get in a car," Hyungwon interrupted, realizing that if he didn't say it fast, they'd be pulling up in front of his house in a few minutes and expecting him to get in. He didn't care if it made him sound weak or unnecessarily stubborn. He hadn't exactly made a great impression on the previous two occasions.

"Oh," Jooheon said, his voice growing slightly muffled, and Hyungwon was left with the distinct impression that Jooheon had turned away so their conversation would be more private. "Hyungwon, it's okay, I get it," he said, his voice frustratingly gentle. It made Hyungwon feel like he was talking to his therapist.

Hyungwon sighed in relief, now wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. "Great then-"

"I'll walk with you," Jooheon offered immediately, and Hyungwon stilled, seeming to sink back into the couch. He sat up abruptly, his head light from hanging upside down.

"What?"

"The place we were planning on going to. It's not far from your house. Hoseok can drop me off there, and I can walk with you."

Hyungwon put the phone on speaker and set it on the armrest of the couch, wrapping his arms around himself. He was confused both with himself and Jooheon, and he decided this was as good a time as any to ask the question he'd been pondering for days. "Why- why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Jooheon sounded sincerely curious as though he had no idea what Hyungwon was talking about.

"Everything. Coming to my house to check up on me, talking to me on campus, dragging me to your club, inviting me out for dinner."

"Hey, it's not a date if that's what you were thinking," Jooheon said with a nervous chuckle.

"I wasn't," Hyungwon said, still completely serious. "It just feels like you're going really far out of your way for someone who isn't particularly nice, or fun, or friendly, or who possesses any redeemable characteristics whatsoever."

Hyungwon thought that Jooheon was going to laugh it off again, but the background noise on his end filtered out as though he'd moved into an empty room. "And you're wondering whether I'm going out of my way because I like charity cases?"

"I'm saying that if I hadn't been in a car crash, you wouldn't be talking to me right now." Hyungwon held his breath, his fingers digging into his sides as he waited for Jooheon's answer. He thought back to what his therapist had told him, that his subconscious craved human contact even if his mind didn't. But he was scared. Scared that he'd invest too much in someone that would break his trust or that would leave him.

"You're probably right," Jooheon agreed, and Hyungwon felt the air deflate out of his lungs as his words came crashing down, but Jooheon wasn't finished. "If you hadn't been in a car crash, I probably wouldn't have been interested in you. Which isn't to say that you aren't inherently a lovely, handsome person. Yeah, your circumstances are what lead me to you in the first place, that's true. But, Hyungwon, you're not some charity case to me. I'm not reaching out to you out of pity." A pause. "I always hated that, after...my crash. So I want to be clear that I'm not doing this because I feel like I need the moral validation or because I have a savior complex."

"Then why are you here?" Hyungwon asked, his voice soft and insecure.

"Because I thought you might need a friend. And I thought I might be just the guy."