Dancing With The Devil

my miracle.

The few days leading up to the funeral were awful. The day he died wasn't as painful as the days following. We all spent time alone in our rooms, no one went down to eat or talk or do anything. We all just sulled by ourselves in our rooms. It was probably the most unhealthy way to mourn a loved one but nothing about our family was ever healthy. Hyunjin came everyday to check on me but I only pushed him away. I went out on my late nights runs a few times but only ended up crying when I went out. Izzy and Natalie had come up to my room quite often to make sure I hadn't completely lost my mind yet.

The funeral had been arranged by the company men and was set for 10 A.M. this morning. I straightened out my simple black dress, feeling the fabric beneath my fingertips smooth out. I slid on a pair of black heels and let my hair fall into place in its natural loose waves. I clutched my purse in my hand and made my way down to the front foyer.

Across the hall from my room was Sehun's slightly opened bedroom door. It took a lot for me to open the door and enter. His clothes were neatly folded in his suitcase that laid in the corner between the wall and his dresser. His superhero action figures from when he was little stayed in their same places since he last left them. A bottle of cologne with the cap beside it sat on his dresser along with a stick of deodorant and his folded boarding pass. He was such a minimalist person, satisfied at the simple things, something I've always admired about him. He didn't need much, he came and he went under the radar, never leaving any bad relationships behind him. Sehun's brotherly nature was different from the rest.

I make grave mistakes all the time and they all somehow work themselves out. But this one was one that I knew I'd have to carry with me forever. I felt as if I had dived into a deep, clear lake and discovered it was a shallow, knee- deep pond. And what do I have to do? Well, I stand up. I rinsed my mud-caked knees and pulled my feet out of the muck. And then I'm more cautious after that. I'll know, from then on, that the world was a smaller place than I expected. I shook this sudden grief from myself and head downstairs.

Dad stood waiting with Hyunjin, his special occasion suit was ironed to perfection and his remaining head of hair was combed neatly. He had his usual glass of bourbon in his hand and I rolled my eyes at him. "Do you really have to drink before the funeral?" I said, annoyed.

"Only way to get through the day, sweetheart," he said warmly.

"If you fuck things up today, I'll put a bullet in your head too" I threatened. Before he retaliated, Hyunjin stepped between us, "ok stop it."

"Good God, my sperm has created a monster" Dad joked under his breath. Hyunjin took my hand, pulling me to wait outside.

"You need to stop bickering with your father. It's not worth it, you know that" he said, holding me at arm's length away by the shoulder, "he's never going to listen"

"Who the fuck gets drunk before a funeral? His own son's funeral" I frowned.

"No one will ever understand that man" Hyunjin shook his head, pulling me into a hug. I rested my head against his chest and wrapped my arms around his torso.

The rest of my brothers and their families came out with Dad. It looked like Dad and Jaehyun had just finished another argument, both looking angry. We filed into the separate limos once again and had a silent ride to the chapel.

Just my father, my brothers, and I took a seat at the reserved front row of the chapel. Hyunjin and everyone else sat behind us. The chapel filled up very quickly with pretty much the same people as the gala. Sehun was buried in one of Dad's best suits along with Dad's infamous gold and diamond-encrusted watch. They did a great job with his makeup. He looked so peaceful and healthy, even looked alive. He had a small flower pinned to his breast pocket and his hair was ruffled naturally and neat.