Dancing With The Devil

weakness.

A few weeks had passed and everything went back to the way they were supposed to. Joonho and Izzy flew back to Italy but promised to return for the holidays. As far as promises go, it sounded like a broken one. But only time will tell I guess.

Jaehyun had stepped down from his title of Head Commander at the Sicilian military camp and decided to settle down here for awhile. He left everything to Calvin along with an utter lack of a goodbye. I figured I shouldn't lecture him on being a better person than just abandoning his forever best friend so I kept my mouth shut, resisting the urge to. Also knowing I went against my word of bringing him back to Calvin in one piece was almost heartbreaking to me. Jaehyun claimed he was doing it for me but I didn't need to know a lot about my brother to know that he was running from something. Something about that place had broken him. For the sake of his pride, I know he'll never tell me — or anyone for that matter.

Taemin decided last minute that he wanted to move his family out to Seoul. After experiencing the thrill of being in a mafia again, he and Natalie found this life much more interesting than their fish store in a lifeless town. Taemin's biggest character flaw was that he had a cavity when he was 7. My biggest character flaw was that I murdered people. He had so many good things in his life to move onto, but I was glad to have made the cut for him to stay.

Even if Dad stepped down from his throne, which he wouldn't over his own dead body, I would gladly take over so Taemin was in the clear to have a normal life with his normal family.

The only person left was me. With my brothers back, I had no reason to leave. I couldn't leave my family after everything we went through and at the same time, I wanted to patch things up with my father. As an adult now, I wanted to make amends with him and not see him as the monster he always was to me. I wanted to see him in a way I never imagined. I wanted to see him as my father — if that man even still existed deep down, it was worth searching for.

I knew that we wouldn't be getting lunch together and having daddy-daughter dates but we could at least see things from the same perspective. As I led the mafia, I began to understand why he is the way he is. I'm no different. He wasn't the bad guy and neither was I. Our life was. In the end, we're all just victims, no matter how powerful we think we are.

There are other ways to clear your mind, to let the bad visions of murder pass like a song that you dislike. Once it passes, good things can start to grow. I wish Dad had taken a different route and steadied himself before the booze poisoned everything that was so wonderful about him. Bourbon took everything, burned his soul. I wanted to dig deep enough to find that lost soul again. If it's not too late.

As for my love life, I missed and loved Luke a lot but it was not nearly as strong as how I felt for Jungkook. Things were complicated between us, but Luke was merely my distraction and I was his. I dialed Ethan's number, feeling that I owed him an explanation. He answered after a few rings.

"Hey Grey"

"Hey Ethan"

"So? Are you coming back?"

"I've done a lot of thinking these past few weeks"

"And?"

"I'm sorry... I think Korea is where I belong and I'm not quite ready to leave it again" I said, holding my breath. I didn't want to disappoint him but for once, I needed to put myself first. It's a selfish act but if you're not selfish once in a while, you'll never live.

"I get it... I feel the same way about Chicago. Can't change where home is"

"Yeah, exactly"

"Thanks for letting me know"

"I'm sorry"

"No no. Don't be. Take care of yourself, Mads. If you ever need anything, you know where to find us" he said, hanging up. I couldn't tell if I was making the right decision but being home was the only place I could imagine myself right now. I never thought I'd say that in a million years.