Dip$hits in Space, season 1

Episode 2. Shit Happens

"Lawg Vlog number 2. I have been documenting my adventures for future generations of explorers in case some day I discover that I am not immortal. I mean, I might be, this is space so anything is possible and I should have probably died by now from any number of insane situations I've been exposed to. The point is I'm probably immortal, but in case I'm not I want the Lawg legacy to continue. Now that I think about it...I probably have kids already. Damn I should really look into that. If they exist, they would be half me and that's still pretty awesome. Maybe somewhere there is a really awesome kid of mine, like still young enough to follow in my boot-prints but not young enough to need supervision all the time. Definitely a boy, women are too much hassle. Oh damn...then I would have future competition. If he's anything like me, by the time he's 18 he would be a regular poon prowler. I'd have to start installing doors and that would really limit my privacy options. Ugh, screw that, no kids, nevermind. I'll just have to live forever like I've been doing so far. I mean it's working fine so why change things? Which reminds me, we need to find a space port at some point for fuel and poon. Maybe some milk too, I found some cereal I've been dying to try but apparently you need milk. Whatever. Log out." he said closing his video tab and noticing a 4 foot bunny in the reflection, waiting patiently.

"We got a problem, we're really in deep shit Lawg." He muttered.

"What kind of problem?"

"Deep shit." He repeated.

"I mean specifically what kind of problem, I get that it's serious." He said frustrated. Marley blinked silently and sighed.

"You need to see this."

Lawg stood with a look of terror and disgust on his face, staring down at the most horrifying thing he ever saw.

"The toilets are broken. We are 6 days from the next station and the crapper isn't letting go." said Marley.

"I can see that...ugh geese, what did you eat that resulted in that?" he said shutting the door.

"Hey, that isn't just mine, you guys have baked some loafs of your own. You carnivores are particularly disgusting. I only take credit for the discreet little pebblettes in that desecration of food long lost." he defended.

"Okay, I get it. Why is there numerous deuces adding up to one big sum in the toilet? I know I have been flushing and that accumulation is at least 7 days of 2s. That's 14!" He objected. Marley pulled out a pocket scanner and ran a laser over the pipes.

"Yea just what I thought...the pipes run under the gravity plating. It's a bad design. It works for a while but with too much use, it corrodes the plating at the tailpipe and it causes zero-G cloggage. The debris starts floating and attracting to the pipe. It's a real issue in the older ships. Whatever idiot put these pipes in should be slapped." He noted.

"Hey, it was a short-range cruiser. It was only designed to transport frozen food for 12 hour runs. You don't get many runs in those runs, all the waste just went into a tank and it had to be removed and dumped after every mission. The Captain doesn't do routine poop shuffles, so I just ran the pipe to the rear of the ship and put a dump valve on it. Eliminated the work, dump the dumps." Log grinned proudly.

"You also didn't use stainless pipe. The gravitanium coating on the septic tank was what kept things flowing. Now you have a straight pipe in line with the gravity plane and corrosive metal for the last 40 feet of pipe. It's a wonder we have had full gravitational backslosh by now." he said pointing to numbers on his scanner.

"When the hell did you get all smart?" he asked.

"I've always been smart." Marley pointed out.