Duffy sat on the floor, almost literally rolling with laugher as Uka stood with a look of utter loss, emotionless and dead inside, and staring at something she could not comprehend or accept as reality.
"I don't understand." she said calmly, looking lethargic.
"Luck of the Chafee!! Hollered Captain Lawg, jumping to the grappler controls
"I lost my mind...that must be it. First giant shrimp, and now another hot tub, just...floating in space." beside her stood Marley looking similarly perplexed.
"I mean...was Earth just 20 percent hot-tub by volume or something? The odds of this are just impossible. Let me guess, and I'm just pulling this out of nowhere based on a hunch and a pattern...this one is slightly better then ours, mint condition and just what you were wanting your whole career. How close am I?" he asked Lawg.
It's a T-700 series!" hooted Lawg, like a kid at Christmas. "Nine Person seating, 4 speaker sound system! Ultra-blue candy coat and foot bubbler!" he said almost in tears as he carefully moved into position. He eased the grappling arm in carefully to get the rubber jaws on a solid part. A boot bumped his arm and the grappler missed, sliding the claw across the tub and scraping the paint as it began to drift away.
"No, No, NO! FOOT BUBBLER!!!!" he shouted, as it bounced off of a nearby rock and little bits of plastic went everywhere.
"Awe, dukes...my bad." Uka said shuffling away.
"Guess that one is all buggered up now." said Marley "I mean, we can still snag it and sell it as an antique so, that's something." he said calmly sitting down in the passenger seat.
"You did that intentionally!" hollered Lawg.
"I'm sure she didn't mean to." yawned Marley.
"Yes I did!" hollered Uka from the bathroom stall. Duffy sat up from the couch.
"Hey!! What the hell Uka? Foot bubbler may have been awesome!" she bellowed, shuffling to the cockpit. Lawg sighed, looking depressed.
"She's still mad about that whole evil shrimp-trap thing." grumbled Lawg.
"Well, that was like 14 hours ago" noted Marley "and you did dive-bomb a chunk of space debris for the prospect of low-gravity jugs, based on what was clearly sarcasm. Then you did abandon her for a giant boob-shrimp and almost got her and the rest of us eaten by said shrimp." Marley said munching on some chips. Duffy snagged one and looked back.
"She doesn't have to take it out on the hot-tub. OTHER PEOPLE USE THAT TUB BESIDES THE CAPTAIN!!" bellowed Duffy towards the green plastic stall.
"Well, anyway, I got it. Scratched the paint all up. Foot bubbler is totally ruined." said a very calmly bummed out Lawg, guiding the tub into the Cargo bay. "Hey." he said discreetly to Duffy. "You think the shrimps would pay us if we returned her?" he asked.
"Did you see any money while we were on the shrimp-planet?" she asked, strolling off.
"No... Probably just shrimp-money if they did, wouldn't be worth anything at any bank or ATM." he muttered to himself.
"That...and they would kill us. You do remember how they don't have legs so they wouldn't have much use for a hot-tub or foot bubbler?"
"I bet we could pawn it, I know a guy." Lawg sighed.
Lawg stood in an alley, outside a window where a large alien was staring him down.
"350 credits." said the blob of green gelatinous goop behind the counter.
YOU ARE READING
Dip$hits in Space, season 1
Fiksi IlmiahAn eccentric comedy about space, and the Dipsh**s that end up in it. This hyper-self-aware comedy of stupid proportions centers around Captain William T Lawg (no relation) and his adventures as a guy who managed to afford a refitted soft-top icecrea...