Dip$hits in Space, season 1

Episode 1 Pilot Episode (Part 1)

The first half of the first episode, because pilots are usually twice and long, and wattpad doesnt have bookmarkers for people on their phone.

"Hello, reader. I'm Greg, also known as Gizzy slightly later in. You don't know me yet, because my big blue-ass is not in this story till season 3, which as far as I am concerned...is when the story starts, and it's insulting. I mean, if it was my call I'd say skip the fist 2 seasons but the Author would insists you don't because: eeeugh you gotta know the backstory. Whatever, your call. as long as it's getting views they don't cancel us. The point is that I keep getting drug back into shameless time-travel promos and shit, and it's getting old, but apparently some of you heathens need me to draw something out in crayon for ya.

This is not an LGBT struggle story; it's not anti-LGBT either. None of us are trying to represent any group, or misrepresent, or offend you with pronouns. It's just comedy, and diversity is fun. Hell, if anything the Author is probably pro LGBT, he made the white captain character a brainless turd of a man-boy, and the gay/bi robot kicks his ass more then once. Actually I think everyone kicks his ass at some point. Lawg is a joke, LITERALLY. The point I'm trying to make here is...it's comedy. It's adult comedy, and due to the sheer fact that I'm in it, its gonna be raunchy and good after season 3. Everything I do is raunchy and good. I'm naked right now, you can't stop me. Try to stop me...try.

The Captain is not the hero, none of us are role models, and yes, some of us aliens weirdos may be multicolored and multiracial, or bisexual or whatever the shit label belongs on me. Am I a cross dresser? Am I transsexual? I don't know, you primates made up the labels, agree on something and shut up about it. Who cares, you easily offended, oversaturated, snowflake monkeys. I'm Greg, and I'm entertaining as Fuck...and thank F---, they let me get one of those off without censoring so I know the writer is seriously annoyed. That's right, they let me have the token F-word for all of 2 seasons in the disclaimer, just because I'm Greg. Do the dipshits get those? no they don't, because I'm special. Moving the F--- on.

Label me however you want, you Social Justice Clones, It's a space comedy, and if you get offended by technicalities on pronouns, and if the idea that I may swap genitals for a season frightens you, then don't read the stupid story, you dumbass, why are you even here? Did you lie when you clicked the thingy that says "Yes, I'm 18?" You're grounded missy, go back to Tic-tock. This is an R-rated alien cartoon probably shoved between Arch-- and Southpa-- on late-night comedy network or a streaming service that couldn't afford actual CG.

Stop over thinking it, sometimes a dark skinned alien is just an alien with dark skin, and sometimes I may feel the need to slap on some boobs and rock one of my girlfriend's dresses. Come at me bitch. I'm just here because apparently we need more obvious banner labeling than we already have, to keep people from reading a story that's gonna trigger them. Spoiler allert, It's gonna trigger you, because you shaved monkeys get butthurt about everything. It's not Adventure-land bublegum party for your 3 year old to watch, it's a bunch of losers trying to make illegal money, screw each other, not die, while annoying each other in space. If the idea of a an 8 foot gender-bending badass doing cocaine, and passing out in a hot tub with his balls out, while the Captain tosses the occasional slur his way, offends you...then stop reading this and go find yourself a vampire romance story about teenagers looking for love with a 200 year old pedo that just happens to look 15, because those are somehow still popular and I get flack for having tits and balls in the same season and making a joke about both of them. You crying? You gonna cry? You're either laughing or crying right now, and that should give you a hint as to what kind of story to expect, now don't it, punkin?

Comedy is subjective, the damn Author isn't secretly the misogynistic captain, and yes, the writer sucks at pronouns, it lazy writing, people, not intentional propaganda. And I swear to Odin's taint if you people bully Menace for being labeled weirdly, I'm gonna crawl through that screen and stuff your ass down this USB-hole and give you something to snowflake about. She's just a kid, stop being a dick and either read the story, or take it off your list. You want someone to pick on, Here's my number, stop picking on an innocent kid because some halfasses author rounded one way on the identifiers. English is stupid anyway. There's gonna be grammer problems, there's gonna be sex jokes, we're aliens, so labels don't really work regardless, mkay? Context...use it. Use your brain-words, read between the lines, don't be trolls, I've eaten troll before. Actually I've eaten people too, so that threat doesn't...whatever. Don't say you weren't warned, I think I get another disclaimer for season 3, so just...Stop picking on Menace. I need a burger. These time travel promos hurt do damn bad. Don't make me do this again, I will get belligerent. I hate humans so much, and now I remember why. Get off my back or in my chili. Don't care which.