Dip$hits in Space, season 1

Episode 7: Public Fupar

A rather alarmed looking Captain stared at a viewscreen, or rather the lack of one. In the massive gaping hole where the front of the ship should have been was now a rather large gold and red warship. Marley looked up and shuttered a little.

"Permission to poop a lil?" he requested.

"Not just yet, Marley...the Captain has the right to do the first panic-shit and I'm not quite there." he said pondering his options. He couldn't think of any. The coms buzzed and a distorted voice came over the speakers.

"Unidentified craft, you are entering Delmarian Military space. Turn around or be destroyed." said the voice.

"Yea, so, here's the thing. We can't actually turn or slow down or do anything. As you have probably notices we are flying, or rather drifting in about 30 percent of a ship." he said as the rather open-layout slab of a ship slowly drifted.

"How...I don't understand what I am seeing." said the voice.

"Long story, but basically we have no roof or walls, or thrusters, half a control panel and are essentially surfing an open-faced sandwich of a ship." he said nervously.

"How are you breathing?" he asked.

"Haven't figured that out either. Apparently there is a bubble of survivable air around us and that is as far as we determined. Spent 3 days hunkered in the middle of the ship trying not to go near the sides. Assistance would be pretty sweet. We are wide open to suggestions at this point, force field, teleporters, or shuttle pod...whatever."

"What exactly happened to your ship?" asked the Delmarian.

"Well, I'd be happy discussing that on literally any other ship than this one because the ship appears to be slowly dematerializing and our habitable island of refuge is getting small. So how about you teleport us to something with walls and junk, maybe get us some food so we can think properly."

"You are entering Delmarian space. By every right I have the authority to destroy you and your...part of a ship. Why wouldn't I just let you dissolve and save ammunition?"

"Hmmm, was not thinking about that point, that's a very good question...do you guys got cloaking technology?" Lawg asked. "Would ya like to?" he grinned.

"Not exactly a warm meal and soft bed is it?" he complained, sitting on a metal shelf in a prison cells, staring at a softball sized wad of raw meat and bone in a metal bowl.

"I let you live, I gave you protein...start explaining this cloaking technology before I throw you into space." Said the 6 foot tall bunny wielding a rather large rifle and armor painted with what he assumed was the blood of his victims.

"We found a small ship; it was a one man vessel emitting a strange signature I thought was a stealth drive. Since ours quit working I thought having the means to evade quickly and lose enemies was something we needed. We investigated it, the pilot was dead and the ship pretty damaged so I took the device in the back and some rations and we left. I thought the device looked like a weapon and weapons fetch a good price."

"The device...what was it?" he asked, stomping closer.

"I'm getting there, you wanted the story not the ending, let me finish. Shit...do you have any wine, I'm famished?"

"Wine later." he barked.

"Got it. So my engineer deduced that this was an experimental cloaking device. We decided to install it and use it. Pretty good way of getting out of trouble."