Only Human | Sander Sides

Cramp Day~Intrulogical

INFO
-this oneshot is brought to you by me having a big remus day
-(by that i mean this happened to me and a lot of remus' lines are what i actually said and it just felt like i was an even bigger kinnie than usual bc of it)
-sadly tho, i had no logan. i had to suffer alone.
-trans guy remus (and logan bc i said so)

TRIGGER WARNINGS
-gore and violence
-cussing, like, a lot
-insulting god 
-dysphoria

***

"I want to rip my fucking ovaries out and shove them in God's stupid whore mouth." Logan hands Remus the pain medicine and a bottle of water. "Why was I made this way? I want to shove chopsticks so far into my eyeballs that they impale my brain." Logan searches through shows, "You can live without your frontal lobe." Remus smiles, "I fucking love you." He takes the medicine as Logan picks the show Bones. Remus squeals in delight as the corpse of the episode is shown, but that devolves into a pained groan, "Fuuuuck I wanna get impaled by an icicle!" Logan pauses the show and grabs a heating blanket. He plugs it in and drapes it over Remus, then lifts his head to rest on his lap. He unpauses the show and runs his hands through Remus's hair, "Is that better stardust?" Remus hums as his eyes threaten to close. 

He tries hard to focus on the show, but the pain still distracts him. His energy to be loud about it has worn out though, so he just goes through a mental list of gorey things he could do to himself, visualizing them a little too perfectly. Logan kisses his forehead, "Your stomach growled, love. What snack do you want?" A million different gross combinations went through his head, the common factor being chocolate, so that's what he said. Logan goes to the kitchen and digs through the snack box, getting three chocolate-covered granola bars. He knows that Remus could eat an entire box of these things without realizing it. He returns to his spot and Remus tears into the granola bars like a wild animal, making Logan laugh. Remus makes a noise of delight as the chocolate gradually makes his cramps fade. He even gets to fall asleep. 

When he wakes up a couple of hours later, Logan is still there, watching Bones. He kisses Remus' head again, "Good morning. The moon is up, do you want to go stargaze?" Remus smiles, "Only if we bring snacks and I don't have to wear any stupid pants, or a shirt." Logan nods and the two grab a blanket and a box of snacks. Remus throws off his giant shirt, it had gotten a little too hot. Besides, laying in a field on a blanket next to Logan in nothing but a bra and some boxers? The best. They lay out the blanket and open some snacks, Logan pointing out some of the lesser-known constellations. Fuck the big dipper, that bitch is overrated. Remus made out a couple of new constellations, "That one's a dick. That's a pair of boobs. Oh, that one is definitely a butt." Logan smiles and kisses Remus, making him smile too. Cramp days sucked, but at least Logan knew how to distract him.