Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 2- Anxiety Takes Over

**Demi's POV**
The car pulls up in the car park of the stadium. Max looks at me,
"Dem, are you okay?" He asks concerned.
"Y-y-yeah." I say trying to calm down before I have a panic attack
"Demi, breath, copy my breathing." He takes my hand and puts in on his heart. He always knows how to calm me down, I think of him as being like my uncle, not blood related but he always has my back.

"Thank you Max,"
"You're gonna kill it! Good luck," he hugs me and I get out the car and make my way to the doors. I reluctantly open the door. I feel really guilty for last night, I relapsed, but that's gonna help my relationship with the other judges, they'll like me if I'm skinny. Like my publicist said, I need to loose weight.

I walk backstage and I'm greeted by Simon. He pulls me into a hug.
"Hey darling, lovely to meet you. The other judges just arrived, come with me."

I follow him through to the area backstage for the judges with sofas, chairs, a TV, it's awesome. I get really nervous to meet the other judges, what if they hate me?
"Hey, Dem, calm down they'll love you." I reluctantly nod my head and give a slight smile.

There are 2 girls on the sofa, one with blonde curly hair and the other with straight black hair. They turn their attention towards us and look at me. I feel really self conscious when all the attention is on me, especially when I'm dressed and look like shit because we're getting everything done here.

"You must be Demi! I'm Kelly." She hugs me.
"I'm Paulina." She hugs me too. I normally hate hugs, it just shows how much fat you have on your body.

We all sit on the sofas and discuss the show and get to know each other.

We then get called to get hair and makeup done, and change into our clothing. I meet my makeup artist and she does natural makeup with heavier bronzer, and a smokey eye with eyeliner. Then we move onto my hair, we loosely curl my blonde to pink hair and it gives of a beachy look.

I make my way into my dressing room to meet my stylist to discuss clothing. We decide on a green skater dress with a black leather jacket. Let's just say, it's not flattering, it making my stomach look fat. I look down at my stomach trying not to cry, I hold it in because of my amazing makeup. It would be disrespectful if I ruined it, it's my fault I'm fat the makeup artist shouldn't have to redo my makeup because I don't like how I look.

I go backstage to find Kelly and Paulina on the couches again.
"Demi you look beautiful!" Kelly gushes.
"Kelly your figure.. wow." She laughs.
"Wait Demi, how old are you?" Kelly asks.
"I'm 19."
"No way! How are you so responsible and well put together?" Kelly says astonished.
"No I'm not hahaha."

We all carry on talking until Simon comes in, I feel a hand on my back making me flinch.
"Demi, chill, it's okay. The worst that will happen is you completely forget everything and your careers over." Simon said, he may be just joking, but that pushed my anxiety levels even higher.
"I'll uh, be right back."

I quickly race off to the bathroom. As soon as I get in there and see that nobody else is in any of the other stalls, I run into a stall and curl up in a ball. I'm hugging my legs close to my chest and trying to breathe, not letting a single tear fall. Everyone's gonna hate me, I replaced Britney Spears! Nobody wants Demi Lovato over Britney Spears! I hear the door open and try to muffle my cries and breaths.
"Dems are you in here?" It's Kelly. I just met her, she won't like me if she sees me like this.

I hear jiggling in the lock, maybe she's going into a stall. I bite down on my tongue, trying not to let any cries escape. Me stall opens and I see Kelly with a bobby pin and a very concerned look on her face.
"Come here," She says in a motherly voice, I worry she's gonna scream at me or hit me. She puts her arm on my back, making me flinch and pulls me into a hug.
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing"
She looks at me,
"Yes there is, come on. I know we just met but I really want to help." She says sweetly
"I'm just a little anxious,"
"'A little anxious' isn't being curled up in a ball crying and not breathe." She says,
"I know, I get anxiety attacks."
"Dem, if you feel overwhelmed or anxious, come to me. Even just squeeze my hand. I want to help." She takes my hand and leads me out of the bathroom.

We walk to the side of the stage waiting to be introduced onto the stage. I get really anxious and try to calm down, I can't make Kelly help me again. I just look at my hands and fiddle with them. I feel a slight nudge and Kelly puts her arm around me.

"Looks like you two are close," Simon says and chuckles.
"Yup we-" Kelly's interrupted by the voice of Mario Lopez introducing us.

"Welcome to the first auditions. Thank you all for joining us tonight Houston! For the first time ever, I would like to introduce our judges to the stage. We have Paulina Rubio, also known as the 'Queen of Latin Pop."

Everyone cheers and Paulina struts out onto the stage and takes a seat at the panel.

"We have the Boss Man, Simon Cowell!"

Simon walks on stage, gives his famous smirk and wink, then makes his way over to the panel.

"We have Destiny's Childs, Kelly Rowland!"

I panic because Kelly has to go. She grabs my hand and squeezes it and lets go to walk on stage.

"And lastly, we have Disney Princess Demi Lovato!"

He just fucking called me a Disney princess, that's so embarrassing. If people knew my daily thoughts they would see I'm far from a 'Disney Princess'. I walk onstage and give a small smile and wave and make my way to the panel.

I make sure to sit next to Kelly, and I end up between her and Simon with Paulina on the other side of Kelly.