Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 14- Are You Loosing Weight?

**Demi's POV**
"Demi... Y-you have bruises all over," Kelly whispers in shock. I'm just sitting their in my bra so I try to cover up my fat stomach with my arms.
"Dem stop covering up, these look bad," Her hand reaches over a bruise above my rib making me wince slightly.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you," she says.
"Kel it's not your fault, it's not your job to protect me." I say.
"But Dem I could have stopped this. Your like a little sister to me, I feel a need to protect you." She says lovingly.

She takes a closer look at a couple bruises and my stomach is practically hanging out, making me very uncomfortable. She's used to friends getting changed in the same room, but her friends are probably so much skinnier and prettier than me. I mean for god sakes, she's friends with Beyoncé!
"Dem, have you been trying to loose weight?" She says a little worried.
"No, I just gained a lot of weight in rehab and after a while my weights gone down a little because I exercise more." I say. I've practiced saying that so many times in the mirror to sound believable, and it payed off, well..
"Dem I can see right through you. I'm gonna ask you again, are you trying to loose weight?" She says suspiciously.
"No." I say without stuttering, that's a first.
"Dem, when I first met you like 2 weeks ago your ribs stuck out WAY less than this," She says pointing at my ribs. I raise my arms to cover my ribs and a bit of my stomach.
"If you say so," She says sighing slightly, making me feel really mean.

I reach for my shirt and throw it over my head, making me feel way more comfortable. I took of my sweatpants and starting butting on my black jeans. Out of the corner I can see Kelly  glancing at my bruised upper thighs while trying to hold back tears. I quickly pull the jeans up and put on the leather jacket. Kelly walks up to me and tugs slightly on my jeans,
"Dem these are far to big for you," She says and walks over to my case. She comes back with a belt and hands it to me.
"Dem you don't need to do this," She says, indicating my weight loss, or gain. The voices won't shut up.
"Kel I'm not doing anything," She looks a little hurt, all she wants me to do is let her in, but I can't do that.

I put on the belt and we make our way down to the lobby to meet Paulina.
"Hey PauPau," I say.
"Let's go in, I got us a table." She says and me and Kelly trail behind her inside the restaurant.

We are all handed menus, I can't make Kelly suspicious. I see a salad, but I also see the club burger.

You can't eat that, you're fat enough.
Think of the calories.
Imagine how many pounds you'd gain.
Think of what it would be like to be skinny.

I can't just get a salad, Kelly will be too suspicious, but I also don't want to get something to heavy and calorie filled. The club burger used to be my favourite, but imagine how fat I'd get from it. I see the club chicken burger, I settle on that. Chicken has close to no fat, so it's a win-win situation.
"Dee what are you get?" Paulina asks.
"The chicken club burger, what are you getting Pau?"
"The spaghetti, Kelly what are you have?" Paulina asks Kelly.
"The club burger," she says.

We just talk for a while, I've missed this. We spoke normally without focusing on anything in my fucked up life, I feel happy for the first time in a while. That all comes crashing down when I see the waitress making her way over to us with our food.

She lays the big calorie filled plate in front of me and I try to hide the disgust on my face. I try to relax by taking a big gulp of water and breathing properly. I reluctantly pick up the burger and hold it in my hands. I take the top piece on bun off because of the extra carbs I'd be eating. I pull it towards my face and my shaky jaw takes a bite. I chew and swallow, then drink water. I keep on doing this until the burger is 3/4 of the way gone. I put it down and look at the side salad, I pick up my fork and stab a few pieces of cucumber, tomatos and lettuce that weren't covered in the fatty salad dressing.

Purge.
Think of all the calories.
Purge.
Think of the 10 pounds you just gained.
Purge.
Think of how bloated you'll be.
Purge.
Thank of how fat you'll be.
Purge

"I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom." I tell them.
"No you won't," Kelly says.
"I'll go with you." Paulina says.
"Guys, seriously. I just want to take a piss in peace!" I moan at them.
"I know DemDem, how about Paulina stays outside the bathroom?" Kelly offers. What if she hears me throwing up? Worth the risk, I can't keep this in my system for much longer.

I walk hand-in-hand with PauPau and leave her to go into the bathroom. I check nobody else is in any of the stalls and quickly shove 2 fingers down my throat, I get really agitated when nothing comes up. After a few more tries, the content from that night was scattered all inside the toilet. I make my way over to the tap and wash out my mouth and head out to Paulina.

So much has happened with me recently, making Kelly and Paulina baby me slightly. Honestly I love it, but at the same time I don't want to be a burden. If they found out in tangled up in my old ways it would kill them.. No matter what I do, I need to keep this a secret, they'll blame themselves. This is my fault they feel so overwhelmed.