Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 28- Eyes Meet the Red Lines

**Demi's POV**

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool ya every time

Simon raises his hand, signaling for her to stop and the crowd erupts with cheering and clapping. Amy did better than her audition, but I still don't want to put her through. She keeps on shooting me glares, making me uneasy. She knows exactly what she's doing, I can't believe she's sang this song.

While the others give her critiques, it gives me time to process what just happened and what to do. I could just burst into tears, but I'm stronger than that, or am I? I clear my mind, and hear my name.
"Demi?" Simon says after giving his critique.
"Well, I- umm. I think this was better than your last performance. You have a great voice, but I just can't feel any emotion in what you're singing, making it hard to connect with you.." I say. She sends me a terrifying glare, who will I switch?
"I'll give you a seat. I'll switch you for.. I'm so sorry, Simone Torres." I say, instantly feeling shit and sorry for Simone.

I end up switching Primrose out for Ellona, but all I can think about is dealing with Amy. Her evil smirk is engraved in my brain and it won't go away. The show is finally called to an end, reminding me about Kelly wanting to talk to me, fuck. Before I speak to her, I need to put a bout more foundation of my cuts so it doesn't look as bad.

I rush trying to make my way to my dressing room before Kelly does. I feel a hand yank me back, I turn to see Kelly's worried face.
"Not so fast, come in here." She leads me into her dressing room.
"Dem, can you please take of your jacket?" She says.

No, she'll hate you.
She won't want to see your fat arms.
She'll tell everyone.
Don't trust her.

"Please DemDem?" When she notices my jacket is not coming off, she shifts behind me slipping it off both shoulders, and it falls to the ground. Without my jacket I feel bare, I feel naked. She's just going to judge me.

I turn my wrists to face towards me, and I press then against my stomach, attempting to hide the aggravated red lines. Kelly slowly reaches out her hands and grabs mine, she tries to pull them towards her so she can see my scars and fresh cuts. I try to pull my arms back, but I'm too weak. As soon as her eyes meet the red lines, they instantly fill with tears, she covers her mouth with one hand and lets a tear fall.
"D-Dem? Why didn't you say anything?" She says while lightly sobbing.

She hates you.
She's disappointed.
She doesn't care.
She doesn't want to deal with you.

"You hate me now don't you," I mumble quietly. I hear her sob louder.
"I'll never hate you babygirl, I wish you came to me I don't want to see you see you suffering. Is that everything?" She asks sceptical. No way. She doesn't know. She can't know.
"That's everything." I lie.
"Dem, please open up, I want to help." She pleads.
"Kel that's everything."
"Please know you come to me, about anything, when I say anything, I mean anything. And especially when you feel like doing this," she turns my wrist to face up and points at it, "come to me. I don't care if it's 5pm or 3am, whenever." She says firmly. She pulls me into a hug, I need to be more careful next time. She hasn't seen the worst of it, my hips have suffered the most damage, but she can't know that.

"What's on that pretty little mind of yours?" She asks hugging me from behind. Did I zone out?

That's a lie.
Your mind isn't pretty, neither are you.
Your not little, you're massive, you're a whale.

"Dem, be honest." She says. I quickly come up with something on the spot.
"I'm just worried." I say vaguely, Kelly senses not to push it further.
"Dem, when did this start?"
"The first day of auditions.."

**Flashback**
A small metal object catches my eye, why am I even clean? I was happier when I was cutting, why should I feel the need to stop to please others.
**Flashback Over**
"Oh sweetie," She protectively hugs me.
"Hey, I know it's tough, but I'm gonna help you through this." Kelly says comfortingly.

We hear a knock on the door, and Simon peaks his head in.
"Hey we're all just greeting the contestants, are you guys coming?" He asks. Kelly looks at me and I give a slight nod. I tense at the thought of seeing Amy again.

We follow Simon back to where everyone is, I hug all of my contestants, then reach Amy, she aggressively pulls me into a hug whispering in my ear.
"Hope you took advantage of my little present, if you tell anyone I'll tell everyone about this shit," she says aggressively grabbing my wrist, digging her nails in hard leaving me in excruciating pain. I try to hold back a scream, but in in so much pain I don't know if I even could scream. I try to hide the pain on my face, but Kelly notices.
"Demi? Demi? Are you okay?" She worries.
"I'm fine." I say, as the pain starts to fade, but not fully. She looks at me unconvinced,
"Come here for a second," she says grabbing my wrist, making me let out a squeal from the pain, she looks shocked, then they turns to sympathy. People turn to look at me, but just ignore it and look away. Kelly leads me off around the corner and lifts up my sleeve,
"Dem, theirs blood. From.. Nail marks I think, were you anxious?" She asks. Well, I mean it's from Amy, but there are probably a few marks from myself digging my nails into my wrist to, I was anxious about Amy.
"I-" I try to come up with a lie, but struggle. I guess I'll just tell her something semi-true. "Honestly I needed a release and I can't cut," I say, it's not a total lie, but I just left the whole Amy thing out. I see pain in Kelly's eyes, I didn't mean to make her sad. She pulls me in for a hug.

We start to walk back round the corner to everyone else when I see someone standing in the other corner, who just witnessed all of that.

A/N

idk if anyone actually reads this or wants to, but here's another chapter i guess. this is a draft from 7 months ago- i've got a few more drafts that i'll post, they're probably really shit so i apologise for that lmao.

i don't know where i can really go with this story- i've kinda moved on from it, but if anyone has any good ideas please comment! i stopped writing about 5-6 months ago when i was stuck in a massive writers block, so if you have any ideas/good storylines please comment :) ty guysss