Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 3- I Can't Cry

**Demi's POV**
I'm so embarrassed that everyone got a great introduction and they just referred to me as being a 'Disney Princess', that just looks really bad for me.

The first act walks on stage, introduces himself and starts singing. He's good, but he's not original in the slightest, he just reminds me of everyone else.

He finishes singing, and after Paulina and Kelly speak, Simon says my name.
"I think you have a great voice, you're talented, but I don't feel any emotion and your voice isn't too original. The think to think about going forward is how to make you different from all of the other guys back there."

Some of the audience start booing and I look at Kelly with fear in my eyes. I grab her hand and she rubs circles on the top of my hand with her thumb. Simon agreed with me. We all give him a yes and he walks off stage

Another 4 acts come on, and 1 of the 4 received yeses, Houston has some great talent. We call to a break and make our way backstage.
"Dem you did so well!" She pulls me into a hug.
"Kel you did great too."
"Hey, you okay?"
"You know how Mario called me a 'Disney Princess', do you think the audience and some of the acts might not take me seriously and say 'I'm just a kid'?" I ask her. Before she can answer, Simon buts in.
"Demi of course not. You pulled a Britney by going crazy and got out of Disney, everyone knows that. You'll be taken seriously."
"Thank you Simon."

(A/N - The first part of this is based of an actual audition, I'll link it below)

We continue on with the day and get through nearly everyone, we're now on the last act of the day. A girl about my age walks on.
"Hi, what's your name?" Simon asks.
"Hi I'm Jillian Jenson." She replies.
"How old are you?" Simon asks.
"I'm 19." She replies.
"Me too" I say in a funny way making people laugh.
"Yeah I think your a month before me in September." She directs at me.
"Yeah I'm August 20th, how did you know that?" I ask her with a smirk.
"Because, well I'm kind of a fan."
"Aww thanks!"
"What does 'kind of a fan' mean?" Simon questions her.
She shows me her stay strong tattoo.
"We have it for similar reasons," She says.

I don't want to talk about this, especially in front of the other judges. I don't want to seem weak. To try and avoid the subject I say something not to personal.
"Hey, we're up here. The bullies that bullied us are at home watching us on TV." I say with sass making everyone laugh.
"I just want to say thank you for everything you've done in support of anti-bullying, I really do appreciate it." I don't say anything because I'll sound weak so I just put my hand on my heart.
"That's so special, Jillian stay strong and do your thing." Paulina says.

As soon as I hear her voice tears well up my eyes. I can feel her emotion, her pain. I can't cry, I can't cry, I can't cry. I try to hold my tears back, I don't want to look even weaker. A tear trickles down my cheek and I wipe it as quickly as possible. Kelly notices and puts her hand on my knee. More tears start flowing down my face, a slight panic arises in me, I can't be seen like this. I grab Kelly's hand and she pulls me into her and I rest my head on her shoulder.

She finishes singing and I stand up and applaud her. She starts crying even more, I want to go up and hug her but honestly I don't have the courage to at my current state. I can barely even move I'm so stiff, I attempted to calm myself down but I really struggle.
"Demi," Simon says, okay Demi, compose yourself.
"I-I could really feel your emotion, I could tell you've been t-through a lot a-and your voice is amazing."

We all give her a yes and we have a big exit. We make our way backstage and sit on the sofas while we wait for a driver to pick us up and take us to the hotel.

"Dem you okay?" Kelly says.
"Y-yeah I'm o-okay." I reply knowing I'm about to cry. She notices and pulls me close.
"Sorry for you having to deal with me," I say looking down.
"Dem I wouldn't be worrying for you if I didn't want to. And I'm not 'dealing' with you, we're friends." I snuggle up to her.

"Guys the drivers here!" Simon shouts through to us. We all pile into the car, Simon's shotgun and I'm between Paulina and Kelly.
"Guys I don't know if I'll fit in the middle," I laugh.
"Shut up and get your skinny little ass in the car," Kelly says making us all laugh.

I feel I'm squishing both of them, why did I let myself get so big. After rehab I gained so much weight. Since I got out of rehab I've lost 32 pounds, but need to loose more.
"So guys I was thinking, when we get back do you want to change into something more casual then just go down to the hotel restaurant for dinner?" Simon asks us.
"Yeah that sounds good," Kelly says.
"Yes it's perfect time bonding," Paulina says. I want to get to know here better, she seems really nice.

(A/N - English is Paulina's second language so that's why her speech is written like that.)

They all look at me. I don't want to eat in front of them, but Paulina is right, it is a good chance to bond.
"Yeah we can get to know each other better." I say.
"So it's 4pm now, should we meet in the lobby at like 6:30?"
We all agree and make our way to our rooms.

I change into some black skinny jeans, a red fitted slightly cropped band tshirt and some heeled combat boots. I look in the mirror and turn to the side. I look at how much weight I've put on in my stomach and I'm disgusted. I might have to have a repeat of last night.