Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 24- This Isn't Recovery

**Demi's POV**
Before the show I think about posting a couple pictures from last night, I sit down and go onto Instagram.

I look on Paulina's page and she posted a picture on me, her and Kelly in the pool before the boys photobombed.
@/paulinarubio : Te amo😘💕

On Liam and Harry's page they both just posted the group photo.
@/liampayne : Good night with the bros and these strangers😂
@/harrystyles : Chillin with the boys and these hotties🥵

However, on Louis' page he posted the video of my flashing everyone when I jumped into the pool, but he censored out my tits.
@/louistomlinson : Well that was an action-packed night.. right @/ddlovato ?😏

On Niall's page he posted the group photo, and a photo on me and him laughing and smiling when he had his hands around my waist and wouldn't let go of me.
@/niallofficial : Whole gangs together🤟 Swipe for a pic of @/ddlovato being restricted😂 Sorry Dem😏

On Kelly's page, and she posted the group photo, along with one of me on Niall's shoulders squirming around.
@/kellyrowland : Late night swim with my girls, and those boys, does anyone know who they are?😝 And how great does Demi look?🤩

Fuck. Kelly posted the picture I told her not to, the one where I'm on Niall's shoulders, and my stomach looks MASSIVE in it. And Louis posted a video of me jumping into the pool then flashing everyone, and I look so fat in it. AND the in group photo where I'm again, on Niall's shoulders, I'm slouching over slightly making me look humongous! What am I gonna do? I look back at the posts and notice a few of them have stuff on their stories..

All of the boys and Kelly posted a link to Louis' post of me flashing everyone, which is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen.

Harry posted the video of Niall picking me up bridal style and throwing me into the pool, and he posted a stupid video of Liam and Harry fighting. And of course Louis' post.

Kelly posted the video of me jumping on Niall's back and trying to get off, and he wouldn't let me go, and Louis' post.

I post the group photo of all of us,
@/ddlovato : love y'all🥰 well except u Louis, that video is PAINFUL to watch😢

I go onto everyone's posts and scroll through a lot of the comments, and 90% of them are about me, and about 30% of that 90% is about my appearance. Everyone commenting about how fat I look in the bikini, and what some people don't notice, is that saying I look 'healthy', 'full' and 'curvy' is just as fucking bad. It's not fucking healthy. Everyone also commenting about how I don't deserve Niall, like we're not even dating. I don't notice I'm crying until I see a tear drip onto my phone screen.

@/sarahhatesdemi : Demi shouldn't be wearing that...
@/taylorforlife : Sorry but she's like, fat how does she have the confidence to wear a bikini?
@/ddfatsvato : 🐳🐳🐳
@/selenagogomezz : Demi, honey no.. Try a diet, or like just don't eat.
@/carlyharris : Demi looks healthy and curvy😍
@/taytayshakeitoff : Demi tho💀
@/finlaysmith : But, Demi's fat why's she wearing a bikini-
@/hatevato : I- 🐋
@/horanslover : Get Demi off his back, she'll break it🤮 Love u Niall😘
@/chloefgy : Who told Demi she looked good💀
@/whalevato : Woah, she's, uhh, big?😳
@/gomezlover : Demi should try starving herself, she needs it.

And it goes on.

"Demi why are all on my Instagram comments- are you crying? Aw Dem," Kelly walks in. She comes over to me and sits on the sofa with one arm around me.
"Sweetie you can't read the comments," she says glancing at my phone.
"I'm not," I say trying to compose myself.
"Boo don't do this,"
"I know Kel, it's so hard not to. Practically all the comments are about how ugly and fat I am," I tell her.
"Half of them are from Selena and Taylor accounts, and Dem you're skipping past all the positive comments," she says pointing them out.

@/ ddlover : Demi's a serveee🔥🔥
@/lovaticstrong : Omg Qweenn
@/demismug : Demi just- wow😍
@/lionslovato : DEMI JUST DID THAT🥵🔥
@/staystrongdd : Unreal😍
@/queendemetria : WERKK🤩

"Dem, there are also these.." Kelly says reluctantly.

@/lovaticforever : Demi's weight is lower than before treatment..
@/demisqueen : Anyone else worries about her recovery from her ED rn?
@/demetriastay : There goes her ED recovery..
@/demischerry : Shes so thin it's worrying..
@/demetriaslife : Can someone help her please,

My jaw drops, no way. They've caught on. This is confusing me, and I fat or skinny?

Demetria you'll always be a fat whale.

People are calling me fat, then others are calling me really skinny, it doesn't make sense.
"Demi, your fans are worried and so am I.." Kelly tells me.
"Kelly I'm fine," I say with a bit of attitude.
"I'm better, I've recovered." I lie.
"Dem I want to help,"
"Kelly I'm fine!" I say stubbornly.

I walk out of the room and get my makeup artist to fix my under eye concealer and foundation.

"Demi! Wait up sis," I hear Paulina behind me. She walks faster and catches up with me.
"You okay? You seem a bit off.
"I'm fine." I say quite blunt.
"Oh, okay.. Do you know why Kelly seems sad? We should go over and check on her." Paulina says kindly.
"You should, she won't want to talk to me right now." I tell her.

**Paulina's POV**
My baby told to go over and check on Kelly, she didn't tell me how they fell out though.
"Hola Kelly. You okay? Demi's also a bit pissed off for some reason."
"Demi's not fucking recovering from her ED and I wanted to help, I wanted her to open up, but she won't. I want her to know I'm there for her and I hate seeing her struggling. She's shut off to the world and everyone one else, she'll get tired and eventually crack. And everyone thinks she's recovering, but she's doing the opposite, and I don't know what to do," Kelly said defeated.