Just By Putting On a Smile

Chapter 18- You're Staying With Me

**Demi's POV**

*On Call*
Da-"Gonna guess you've seen the screenshot.."
De-"Yes I fucking have Dallas! The one thing I didn't want happening is the world knowing about Patrick! And because of petty sister drama you had to blurt it out to the word, what is this gonna do for my career? I don't want to open up about Patrick, and because I won't open up they will all call me fake!"
Da-"It's not just 'petty sister drama'! You missed your own fathers funeral! I can't belie-"
De-"Not intentionally! It's not me fault I was rap-" I threw my hand over my mouth.
Da-"You were what? Cut the bullshit Demi! Because you don't want to fess up to not going to your fathers funeral? Demi that's pathetic I'm so disappointed in yo-" Dallas is cut off by Kelly who grabs my phone.
K-"No, Stop! She came straight back after she was raped, the police are involved, and she has bruises all over her body! You have NO idea what happened so please back off, she's fucking devastated she wasn't at the funeral! And to make thing worse, it was your dads FRIEND that did it! Not a stranger, notice how he wasn't there for the funeral either!?"
Da-"W-Which friend?"
De-"What's it to you?"
I hang up the phone.

I look at Kelly,
"Thank you." I tell her, she gives me a sympathetic smile.

-
A couple days pass, our days were so busy we barely had any time to ourselves, especially me with Scott still on the loose. Meaning I've had to eat more than I want to, so my bulimia is getting progressively worse, every single meal I eat. The last thing I remember keeping down is half an apple, 4 days ago. My throat constantly hurts, however I have to fight through the pain to be skinny, I hope I'll be skinny one day.

"Dem, where are you going for the break?" Kelly asks. Oh yeah, we're leaving today. We get 2 days to ourselves because the next stadium for auditions wasn't free for another 2 days, luckily for us.
"Uh, I'm not really on speaking terms with my family right now. And I've got the Ellen show tomorrow, so I'll just stay in my apartment in LA." I tell her.
"Alone? Dem, what if he finds you?" Kelly says worrying. I pretend I'm not frightened,
"I-I'll be okay," I say, trying to sound convincing.
"Dem, do you mind if I come with you?" She asks.
"Kel, I'd love that but surely you want some time to yourself, I get bloody annoying. I don't want you to feel obligated to come with me," I tell her.
"Dems I have nothing to do either, Pau is with her kids and Simon's with Lauren so they're busy but I've got nothing, we might as well spend it together. I've got a place just outside of LA.." She says.
"K you'd be staying with me don't worry, I'm not gonna make you get a hotel," I laugh.

-
We flew home and settled in my house, we had a chill night and fell asleep.

"Dem, Dem," Kelly whispers while slightly shaking me awake.
"5 more minutes.." I mumble back and turn over to lie on my other side. I feel an arm at my knee and an arm on my back, then I feel myself being elevated from my bed.
"You have Ellen, get uppp." Kelly whines.
"Kelly put me down in too heavy for this." I moan. Kelly looks at my sympathetically.
"No you're not Dem, I can literally hold you in one arm," she says and demonstrates, "See, honestly Demi you've gotten really skinny.. Too skinny.." Kelly says slightly suspiciously.

I squirm to get out of her arms, mainly to avoid this conversation. I finally wriggle loose, we both are laughing really hard.
"We have to be there in half an hour, it lakes like 5 minutes to drive."

We change into sweats because I'm getting hair, makeup and wardrobe done there. We still have 20 minutes before we have to leave.
"Dem let's go downstairs and get some breakfast," She says. Normally I'd just purge, but after I purge my voice sound slightly more strained than usual. But if I eat I'll be bloated.
"Can we eat after," I ask her, hoping she doesn't ask any follow up questions.
"Why? You haven't eaten in a while." Kelly says.
"I just uh, to be honest I just don't like eating before talk shows because I'm so nervous and it makes me feel sick." I say, semi-honestly.
"Dem but you can't just not eat, you must be hungry. Do you not what to eat so you're not bloated?" She asks,
"How did you know?" I ask her.
"I've been there, I get it. But maybe it would be better if you ate, your fans are starting to think your eating disorder is back, can you please be honest with me, are you restricting?" She asks softly.
"No, I'm better now." I say, finding it hard to lie to Kelly.
"Be honest babygirl," she says holding back a tear, making me feel even more guilty.
"No I'm fine." I say firmly.

We go down to the restaurant and Kelly gets a croissant with a fruit pot and a coffee. We both sit down at the table and she looks at me,
"Demi you can't just not eat anything, you know what?" She pushes her mini fruit pot in front of me and gets up to get herself another one.

I pick up the fork and look at the fruit, it's just fruit. It's healthy. It won't make me fat.

Are you really gonna eat that?
You're fat enough.
Demetria you need to loose weight, not gain.

I stab a piece of watermelon and shove it in my mouth so I don't look suspicious. I realise how hungry I actually am and finish the whole fruit pot, instantly feeling 10 pounds heavier. Before I can go to the bathroom to purge, Kelly grabs my hand and leads me to the car.
"We need to be quick," She says.

I can't get the thought and guilt of eating the fruit out of my head. It's just fruit, for the fist time it hit me. I've got a problem, but it's worth it to be skinny.