love is like a roller coaster

♥ fifty three ♥

i should be happy - lovelytheband

i should be happy but i'm not.
i don't understand why i'm crying
in the middle of the night.
when i have friends
that care about me
and will talk to me.
i don't understand why suddenly
in the middle of the day,
all at once a dark cloud
will overwhelm me
and make me feel worthless.
why should it,
when i have a nice family
that can make me forget
why i'm so tired.

there's parts of me that i should be healing.
catching up to life wasn't easy.
becoming older happened so quickly,
i barely had time to mourn my childhood.
i need to take a moment
to remember,
that bright-eyed,
book-loving,
ever-smiling,
happy
little girl.
i miss her.

the hurt always seems so appealing.
jumping into a new life,
even as i know it'll hurt me.
failing to forget those
who caused me pain.
still willing to forgive,
even though i suffered and they didn't.
i would do anything
for just a hint of real happiness.
faking it
for everyone else.
i've gotten used to it.

maybe i should try to understand why i'm crying.
or why the dark cloud keeps coming back.
where that little girl went.
why i keep forgiving others.

but for now,
i guess i'll just turn up this song,
put it on repeat,
and desperately try to sleep.