love is like a roller coaster

♥ nineteen ♥

it's me again.
i know i'm just imagining saying these words to you,
i'm actually writing them down in my notes app.
white text against a black page.
as i lay in my blanket at 8:02 am.
friday, march 27th,
2020.

i'd like to think that i am talking to you.
and while i'm saying these words,
(that mean so so much more then you'll ever know,)
i can look at you.
at your face,
still too perfect.
it's like you're not even real.
i haven't seen you in weeks.
i miss you.

do you remember that night?
i slept over at your house,
with our other friend.
and i got to sleep next to you.
in your bed.

a dream came true,
because of
rock
paper
scissors.

i woke up sometime during the night,
or maybe it was the morning.
i may never know.
it was during that strange haze where dreams and nightmares alike come alive and seep their way into the real world.

i'm rambling again.
i can't focus.
8:08 am.

when i opened my eyes,
i felt electricity coming from one of my legs.
i couldn't think of what it was,
until i realized where i was.
in your house.
in your room.
in your bed.
next to you.

your leg was pressed against mine,
and it sounds meaningless as i write this now,
but then,
the sun and moon had collided.
and i felt so special.
i got to look at your sleeping face.
angelic,
flawless,
all the things that i'll never say to you.
i was so in love.

and the fact that i still remember this
months later,
even as the world has turned upside down,

i'm still in love.
because i remember that night.
and a million other tiny things,
that really don't matter.
there is no reason for you to take up so much space inside my head.

8:14 am,
and the sun is up.
i just wish that instead of this white text on a black page,
that you were next to me,
and we were in the strange haze together,
and i was whispering how much i loved you,
and i always will.
but i still can't imagine you ever saying it back.
those three words.
it's 8:16 am now,

time to get up.
out of the dream.