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I counted the days

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I counted the days.

One day...

Two days...

Three days...

When it was one week after their last visit, I thought that they would come. But they didn't. Again, I counted the days.

Ten days...

Twenty days...

Thirty days...

At first, I was proud of my attitude towards them. I fought for my rights. I stood for myself. I felt like a warrior. I felt like I won. I thought that they will come with my siblings. I thought about all the things I have done with my siblings if I had a normal life. I was happy. I wanted freedom. I thought I can make them understand me, my need to have a life like everyone else.

The days passed...

When they didn't come to visit me, I thought it was a bad idea to talk to them like that. I felt awful.

They took care of me all my life. They loved me. They gave me everything I wanted. They never said about any kind of problem to me. They tried to be happy to make me happy, even if their eyes betrayed them.

I thought about my parents. I thought about the pain they might have suffered to raise me without anyone knowing it. They might be living their life with the tension of someone finding me.

I blamed myself for everything, even if nothing has been my fault. My thoughts went like that till the time they came.

After one month, they came.

My parents like to take a long vacation before doing something. I thought. When I wanted an answer ten years ago, they gave it to me after six years. When I told them my desire to see my siblings, they took one month.

I thought about saying sorry for my attitude towards them, but when I saw their face, I was sure that I'm not going to apologize.

When I heard the sound of the door, I felt a kind of happiness. But it only lasted till I saw the expression on the faces of my parents. Their faces showed a mixture of anger and hatred. Their mouths were set into a thin line. I never saw them like this in my whole life. I felt like the ones that are standing in front of me are not my parents.

They climbed the steps without even looking at me. I climbed after them. They went straight to the reading room and sat on the chairs. There was no change in their expressions. I wondered if they were made of stones. I stood there, watching them.

My mother seemed to be a lot angrier than my father. It was not a good idea to stare at my mother when she was like that, so, I looked at my father. He stared at me. Minutes passed. They kept staring at me. At last, my father spoke.

"Are you sure that you want to meet your siblings?"

His words felt sharp. His eyes bore into mine. I wanted to answer him with the same sharpness in my words. But when I talked, it felt like a whisper.

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