Spectacular Love

Chapter 09

Listen

"I'm not avoiding you." I denied, looking away.

It is so unfair. Bakit niya ba nagagawang mahalata ako nang ganito? Bakit lahat na lang napapansin niya? Samantalang ako hindi ko man lang magawang mahulaan kung ano ang iniisip niya ngayon. I couldn't even determine if he has already moved on from his breakup with Mara. Naiinis ako. Why is it so unfair?

"Then why can't you look at me right now, Tinay?" I was a little bit taken aback by what he asked.

Mariin kong pinikit ang mga mata ko for a second then I opened them again and looked at him. I stiffened when I saw pain in his eyes. Is he feeling uneasy that I won't look at him? So, paano pa ako, hindi ba?

All this time, I only wanted him to look my way. All this freaking time, I always feel uneasy whenever he looked at Mara instead of me. Alam kong ang selfish ko, pero nagmamahal lang naman ako. Wala naman sigurong masama sa pagiging selfish kahit sa isip ko lang dahil aware naman ako kung anong lugar ko. Alam ko kung nasaang posisyon ako.

"Why do you want it so bad, Jacob?" I calmly said, while my eyes stared at his. "Why do you want me to look at you so bad?"

I saw him stiffened. He pursed his lips in frustration. He didn't know what to answer. But it's so funny because I want to hear his answer so bad, kahit sobrang sakit pa nito. I want to hear his thoughts. I want to hear what his heart was saying.

"Kasi, Cob. I don't know anymore," I sighed before continuing. "You want me to look at you right now? Ayan, I'm looking at you na." I finished and looked at him intently.

"Tinay." He called my name, kaya nagsimula na namang maghumirendo ang puso ko.

Umiling ako. But I'm still looking at him intently. I let out a bitter smile. Hinayaan ko siyang manahimik. Tama 'yan, Cob. For now, listen to me. You have to listen to what I'm about to say because this might cause everything to change. Your life, my life. Our friendship and even our hearts.

Ilang taon kong pinag-isipan 'to. Buong buhay ko na yata ang nilaan ko para pag-isipan ang bagay na 'to. I know, I should have done this years ago, bago pa tuluyang magsimula at magkagulo ang lahat.

"I have always been looking at you, Jacob." Pagsisimula ko. "Always. I have seen you smile. I have seen you cry. I have seen you get frustrated. I have seen you work hard. I have seen you fall in love. I have seen you get broken."

I saw everything that happened to you, Jacob. Because I have always been looking at you. I have always been watching you. Ever since you came to my 7th birthday. Ever since you helped me stood up when I fell down the stairs during my birthday. You were there when kids laughed at me.

You were there when I got accepted into my dream art school. You were there when people discriminate me for being bad at arts. You were the one who stood up for me, defended me. Every time I look at somewhere, I would always see you there.

At kapag hindi kita nakikita, hinahanap kita.

"Jacob," I called out his name. "You want me to look at you, but I already am looking at you. I have always been looking at you." I repeated.

I saw his lips parted at little. He still didn't know the right words to say. I decided to look away as tears started to run down my face. I wiped them immediately, but they kept on falling.

"Tinay-" I cut him off.

"Mahal kita, Cob." I said as calmly as I could. "Mahal na mahal kita."

Mas lalo siyang nagulat doon. He couldn't move anymore. Mukhang pino-proseso niya pa ang lahat ng sinabi ko. When he was able to recover, he tried to come near me, but I stepped back once again. I shook my head in frustration.