Spectacular Love

Chapter 22

Wounds

"M-Mom..."

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so useless and miserable. Mas grabeng sakit 'yong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ang bigat bigat na. Parang buhat buhat ko na ang buong mundo sa sobrang bigat at sakit ng nararamdaman ko.

Bakit 'yong mommy ko pa? Tangina, sana ako na lang. It was my fucking fault anyway. Tumatawag sa akin si Mommy kanina pero hindi ko iyon nasagot dahil nag-uusap kami ng Jacob. If only... if only I called her back right after I missed her call, hindi siguro ganito.

It was all my fault.

"I'm sorry." I broke down, and I felt everyone in the hospital was looking at me. Pero wala na akong pakialam. "I am so sorry, Dad." I was holding onto the hem of father's pants while crying loudly.

Walang humpay pag-iyak ang nagawa ko dahil sa halo-halong emosyon na nararamdaman. I tried to calm myself, but I couldn't. I slapped my chest continuously because it was making me hard to breathe.

The pain was too much. I could feel my heart breaking into small pieces and I don't think I could still mend it. It was beyond repair.

"I'm sorry, Mommy."

"Anak, you should eat," my father said nang kumalma na ako.

We are still here, though. Sa tapat ng emergency room. I have no fucking idea what's happening beyond that door. Hindi ko alam kung ino-operahan ba ang nanay ko. Hindi ko alam kung may dadatnan pa ba ako pagkatapos nila. Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko na alam.

"I'm not hungry, daddy," I said, and I lifted both my feet para itungtong sa bench. I buried my face in my arms on both my knees.

"Everything will be alright, honey. Let's believe in your mom," he said softly, and I just nodded, still not looking up as I was crying quietly in my arms and knees. "She's strong."

"Tinay?" When I heard her voice, my head automatically lifted up. She looked like she ran in a marathon. She was still panting pero dumalo na siya sa akin agad at niyakap ako.

"Ace," I said between my sobs.

"Hush. It's okay. Tita is strong. Kaya niya 'yon, okay?" She said while hugging me and rubbing my back to calm me down.

"Hindi ko kaya kapag nawala siya, hindi ko kaya," I said at pakiramdam ko mas lalo lang bumigat 'yong sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Alam kong hindi ko dapat 'yon iniisip and that I should remain positive and hopeful, but I couldn't. I would be lying if I would say that I'm not scared of what might happen, of what the results might be. Sobrang natatakot ako sa maaaring mangyari.

"I know, babe. We know," she said while nodding, still trying to calm me down. "Lei and Tonia will be here soon," she added, and I just nodded as I continued crying.

After some time, dumating na sina Lei at Tonia. They both looked worried and I also noticed that they were still wearing their ID's. They went here straight from school and I'm feeling guilty already. Dapat nasa condo na sila at nagpapahinga or baka naman hindi na nila natapos ang class dahil sa nalaman nila, maski si Ace, pero they still chose to be here with me.

I'm thankful and grateful for them, but I couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

"Tinay, ang pangit mo na." I arched a brow because of what Tonia said. She sighed then continued. "I know that this is a not a good time for this but please... smile," she said, cupping my face habang umuupo sa tabi ko.

"Tonia's right, Tinay," Lei agreed. "And we all know how much Tita Cecile would want you to smile," she added. I tried my best to stifle a faint smile and I did. They both smiled at me and tapped my shoulder, consoling me.