Spectacular Love

Chapter 31

Beg

"K-kailan pa?" I tried my best to sound as cold as I could. Pero makita ko pa lang ang mga luhang lumalandas mula sa mga mata ay nanghihina na ako. I wanted so bad to hug him, but I know I shouldn't.

Nasasaktan ako. Naiinis ako. Bakit niya kailangang itago sa akin 'yon? Na nakakaalala na pala siya. Para ano? Para pahirapan ako? Ipamukha sa akin kung ano ang sinayang ko? Putangina!

Matama ko siyang tinignan at kitang kita ko kung gaano siya nahihirapang sabihin ang sagot. I was about to turn my back on him when he suddenly pulled me and hugged me. Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko at sa pagkakayakap niya. I could hear his soft sobs and I felt like my world continuously being teared apart.

"Kailan pa?" Tanong kong muli.

He let out a deep sigh before speaking. "2 weeks ago, Tinay," he said. I could feel him trembling dahil sa takot. I tried to push him away, but his hug tightened, refusing to let go.

"H-how could... how could you not tell me?" Tuluyan nang nabasag ang boses ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. "Bakit, Jacob? Paano mo nagawa sa 'kin na hindi sabihin ang totoo, na nakakaalala ka na?"

"I'm sorry, Tinay. I'm sorry," he said in between his sobs. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Bago pa man tayo pumuntang Laguna alam mo na. That is why you were provoking me to tell you the truth, right?" Mas hinigpitan niya pa ang yakap sa akin bago tuluyang tumungo. Para bang alam niya na na sa oras na kumpirmahin niya 'yon ay itutulak ko ulit siya palayo at tama siya. I tried to push him away from me again, but I still failed.

"Please, baby, please. I'm sorry." He buried his face on my neck and I could feel his tears through my clothes. He's hurting and I'm hurting. Again.

"Pero... bakit, Cob?" I asked, whispering. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin? Para ano? Para gantihan ako? Para saktan din ako? Ganoon ba 'yon? You wanted to get back at me kaya mo pinatagal." I pushed him away. I keep pushing him away pero ayaw niyang bumitaw, tangina!

"No, Tinay! Hindi, hindi! Hindi ganoon 'yon," he said as he tightened his hug on me while continuously shaking his head, not agreeing with me. "I'm sorry, please." I pushed him again, but he kept tightening his hold on me. It is as if he was telling me that he will not let me go anymore, like he was afraid that he might lose me again just like what happened before.

"Let me go, please," I said, begging. Nanghihina na ako, tangina. Hinang hina na ako.

He shook his head lightly. "No," he said in between his sobs.

As much as I want to console him right now, and tell him that I'm not mad, I couldn't. Because I am mad, not at him but at myself. Galit ako sa sarili ko for ruining his life again. Because I came back, he remembered that painful past again that I tried so hard to keep from him. I ended up hurting him again.

Fuck. I am so selfish.

"Pakiusap, Jacob. Let me go," I begged once more however, he continued shaking his head, refusing to comply to what I want.

"No, baby. Hindi na kita ulit papakawalan," he firmly said. He sighed before continuing. "Can you please listen to what I have to say?" He asked. "Please, Tinay?"

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumango na lamang. Dahil alam kong wala talaga siyang balak pakawalan ako kaya minabuti kong makinig na lang sa kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

"Mahal kita, Tinay. Mahal na mahal kita," pagsisimula niya. "And I'm sorry that I lied to you. That I kept everything from you. I was just too scared, Tinay. Sobra akong natakot na sa oras na sabihin ko sa 'yo, na sa oras na malaman mong naaalala ko na lahat, lalayuan mo ako ulit. Ipagtatabuyan mo ako ulit." He was crying now. Rinig na rinig ko ang bawat paghikbi niya. He was hurting so much again.