The Aftermath

8 - Pain

A/N:I would recommend listening to some sad music during this, so enjoy.
Becky
I looked around trying to find some form of comfort, I so desperately wanted to scream until my lungs burned, I wanted to cry until I couldn't cry anymore. I never wanted to be pregnant again, not after what happened last time. I'm laying in the hospital bed without any of the people I love by my side. I'm not even engaged to Colby anymore, I feel horrible inside. I don't even know why I'm here, I see my bag is on the floor. I just about mange to lean over and grab it. I pull out my phone and instantly dial Ashley's number.

"Becks?"

"Why am I here?"

"I'll be up now, I was getting vending machine coffee."

"Oh see you in a minute."

I put the phone down and rubbed my face. I feel really sad, I'm no longer with Colby. I broke up with him, I threw my ring in his face. I know I'm a terrible person for doing that, but I really am not in the right mind set to be having kids. I don't think I'll ever be. My phone buzzed and I flipped it over to see a text from my mother.

"Rebecca please we haven't heard anything from you in weeks we're really worried, just please reply when you see this sweetheart."

TW:Mentions Of Miscarriage

I honestly didn't think I could feel any worse, but I guess I was wrong. I am such a shitty person sometimes, I know I was in jail but I could've called or got Colby to text my mum letting her know I was okay except I'm really not okay, I'm so scared that I'll go through with the pregnancy and get attached again and then I'll just lose it. I honestly don't think I could handle it, my heart is only being held together by a bit of tape and it keeps on almost getting ripped off. I can't afford to go back to the broken little girl. I really am terrified of being pregnant because I can't lose it. I can't have another miscarriage I just wouldn't be able to cope anymore, well I haven't been coping for years the closest I got to coping was when I was pregnant and then everything just went wrong.

"Becks you alright?"

"Yes, I mean no. I can't do this anymore Ash. I can't put myself through a pregnancy again!"

Everything I was holding on to was just coming out, the minute I admitted I wasn't alright I felt the tears start to fall.

"Again?"

"I was pregnant before and I lost it. What if that happens again! I would fall apart well and truly. I'm barely keeping myself together, I just can't do it!"

Ashley
I could see how upset she was, i can't even begin to imagine how she is feeling. If I lost one of the twins my life would be torn apart, I wouldn't even be able to function. When I was pregnant, I almost instantly fell in love with my babies and I don't even want to think about the pain it would of caused me if I'd lost them. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. I do the only thing I can and pull Rebecca in and give her a hug. I feel truly awful that she had to go through that alone, I also feel horrendous because she couldn't tell anyone. I understand why she didn't because of Randy and what he would have done to her. I haven't even got the strength to tell her that she had a seizure. Everything in Becky's life has been imploding for years and I was so damn self centred that I couldn't see the amount of pain she was in. I wish I'd been a better friend and paid more attention because maybe I could've saved Becky before it was too late. I hear a knock on the door and see Becky's doctor walk in, I pull away from Becky a little so I can wipe away her tears.

Becky
I don't even know what my doctor is going to say and I'm feeling so scared.

"Rebecca, this is your second seizure and you've also been pregnant for both of them."