The Aftermath

10 - Losing you

Becky
They let me stay with Colby for a while, my tears were still falling heavily. I've just lost the love of my life, nothing or nobody can fix me. He was still so young, I'm so young. We'd gone through so much, he was my forever and now he's gone. I can't listen to the the voice memo but I know I have too. Ashley has just come in, I see her crying almost instantly. I laced my fingers with Colby and spoke softly.

"I can't believe I just lost you. I'm so sorry for everything, I wish you knew just how much you meant to me. My life will never be the same but let me promise you this I will do my best to protect our little baby, I will tell it all about how amazing there dad is. Every bed time story will be something from our life, I'll never forget you and I will always love you."

I took a step back and watched as Colby was taken away from me, I turned to Joe and Ashley who were both crying. I walked over to them and hugged them both.

"I don't know how I'm gonna keep on going. But I have to try for Colby."

I knew I had to listen to that voice memo, it was the last thing Colby ever said. I walked up to the multi faith room and sat down, I tried to wipe away the tears that were still falling. I pulled out Colby's phone and clicked on 'Dear Becky'

"Dear Rebecca, I'm so sorry for everything. I never should have pushed you and I'm so so sorry that I did. I'm sorry I haven't been the best boyfriend, I'm sorry I couldn't see how much pain you were in. I feel like such a terrible person and nothing I do will change that. Maybe I should've just talked to you but the guilt of making you have a seizure is crushing me. When you broke off our engagement I felt a pain I haven't felt since my mother died and I know it was all my fault. I'm just so so sorry for everything and I just want you to know I love you and you should never change because you are perfect and I'm sorry for not telling you that enough when I was able too. If you are to find me, I'm just so sorry that you have to feel in pain but I have to do this. There is no other way and I'm just so so sorry. I love you and I hope to see you again."

My tears fell hard, I knew how dangerous it was for me to be on my own right now. I wish Colby knew how much I loved him, I wish I could've saved him but it was just too late. I pulled out my phone and dialled Krisi's number.

"Hiya Becky."

"..."

"Becky?"

"You need to get to the hospital."

"What's happened?"

"I thinks it's best I tell you in person."

"I'm on my way."

I walked back up to Colby's room and saw the empty bed and then it all hit me harder than a truck. My tears somehow got harder, I don't know what it was I guess I just realised I'm really never going to hear his voice again or see his face. I fell to the floor and Ashley rushed to catch me and sat on the floor with me as we both cried heavily. I can't actually believe he's gone, he's never coming back. He's never gonna buy me coffee or meet our baby. I wish I could've saved him, why couldn't I have just saved him. I hear a knock at the door and just about manage to stand up and open the door. Krisi sees my face and instantly hugs me.

"Where is he?"

"Krisi I'm so so so sorry."

"No"

"He's gone."

"NO"

I pulled her into my chest and just let her cry, nobody will ever understand the pain I'm going through right now. I never imagined I would have to feel this pain, I never thought I would lose him. We were perfect for each other and now it's all over. I know I have to find some way to keep going, no matter how much pain I'm in. It's just so hard knowing that I'll never be able to marry Colby, I'll never be able to be in a tag match with him again. My life is completely fractured and I don't know how to feel or what to think. Colby's still universal champion so I'll have to go speak to WWE soon just to let them know, why am I thinking about work right now. I shakily take a deep breath and pull away from Krisi, I hear another knock on the door and I answer it and I get handed a bag of Colby's stuff and I see at the top of the bag my engagement ring. Ashley has to catch me again as my legs just give up on me.

"I can't do this Ash."

"I know, I'm so sorry Rebecca."

"He's never coming back! I'll never get to cuddle him again or kiss him. I just can't do it."

"I-I'm so sorry."

She stayed with me all night, caught me whenever I fell down. Tried to make me feel better, nothing was helping. She helped me look through Colby's things, I put my ring back on and grabbed his ring and put in on my chain and wore it. I looked through his wallet and saw he had photos of us together which broke my heart. His clothes still smelt like him, I put on his leather jacket even though it was too big for me. I knew I had to go home, I know how much it's going to hurt but I can't stay in the hospital forever. I put all of Colby's things back into the bag but I keep on his jacket. I take Krisi and Joe's hands and we walk out of the hospital together. Ashley offers to drive and we all get in the car. The quiet hum of the engine is the only noise in the silent yet painful night. The waves of darkness wash over the car as we start to drive home. Once we get to the house I get out first, I walk down the path and unlock the door. I'm so exhausted, I really don't think I can go into mine and Colby's room, not tonight. I sluggishly walk over to my beige couch and sit down. I know Ashley's mother has the twins which I'm glad about, Ashley came and sat next to me.

"You should go to bed Becks."

"I can't, I really can't go in that room. Please just let me stay here on the couch."

"Becks."

"Please Ashley, please I won't do anything stupid I'm pregnant."

"Okay, try and get some sleep I'll see you tomorrow ."

I saw her walk over to Joe, he looks just as exhausted as me. I have enough rooms for everyone to sleep in but I really don't fancy staying in a guest room or my bedroom right now. I watch as Krisi comes in but goes straight upstairs, I feel terrible for her I really do. My heart is broken and I know I keep saying this but my life will never be the same again. I just miss him so much it's only be a few hours!

"Hey, you up there listen to me. I miss you so much I hope your looking down on me right now because I love you so much and miss you alright?"

I laid down on the sofa, pulled a blanket over my body and tried to somehow sleep through all the pain.