Flowers For An Old Friend; DabiHawks (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 32; I Do Love You

Ten years ago

*Twelve year old Keigo's POV*

Everything was quiet. Like, really quiet.

That was alright, I guess. I mean, I didn't have any real problem with it. It was alright, but it just felt, off.

Touya was just sitting there, not saying anything, of doing anything. This was really abnormal, but it was just one thing that got me.

He was so, happy.

Now don't get me wrong. I love seeing Touya happy. He's just never this quiet when he's happy.

"Hey, Touya?"

"Yeah Birdie?"

"What are you doing?" Touya shrugged, staring up at the sky with a smile on his face.

"You know, I have no clue." He looked so relaxed, which was kinda what really threw me off. He never looked this relaxed unless we were further in the woods. What was up with him today?

He seemed so far away from me in that moment. He wasn't sitting beside me against our tree at our park. He was off in his own little world. I didn't know how I felt about it.

Well, I knew that there were the feelings I was supposed to have, then feelings that I actually felt. I should feel happy that he is happy, that he isn't on high alert and that he's most likely having a great day, but I don't feel that way.

I feel alone. I don't know why I feel alone like this, but I don't like it. Maybe it's the fact that it quiet, but that isn't the case at all. We've had so many times where we would sit in silence and it would be fine. There were .any times where he was happy, many combinations of both.

I've just never felt this lonely even though he isn't that far from me.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I heard from beside me. It startled me, but not much.

"Nothing really." I lied. "What are you thinking about?"

"Well, a lot of things." He turned to look at me with a small smile on his face. "You've got to be more specific."

"You seem really happy and calm today. I was just wondering what exactly is making you feel that way." Touya's face turned a light pink and he crossed his arms, looking back at the sky.

"Uh, well, I mean." He sighed, smiling up at the sky. I liked how he looked when he did that. The light from the sun made his hair seem to glow, and he was smiling. I loved how happy he looked.

"Birdie, have you ever met someone and thought that they were so, so, I don't know how to describe it."

"Can you try to describe it?" I asked, shifting slightly so I was closer to him.

"It's like, you want so badly to keep them with you for as long as you can? Or you feel like they are everything to you?" I nodded, a small smile on my lips.

"I feel that way with you." I confessed, my heart was going crazy. Heat gathered on my cheeks as I looked away and up at the tree.

"No, not like that. Like love."

"I do love you."

"Yeah, we're best friends." He chuckled, looking down at the ground. "Not that kinda love."

"Oh."

I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from saying anything else. My heart felt like it had been stabbed with thousands of tiny needles. Even after the initial feeling, there was still this dull ache.

"There's this girl I know. I've known her for, a year, maybe? I don't know." Oh. "I plan on asking her out. I really think she might like me back."

I could feel that weird feeling in my nose, but I refused to cry. I knew he wouldn't like me that way anyway. So why am I being such a baby now?

"I'm sure she'll say yes! I mean, who wouldn't say yes to you?" I reasured him. Not like he needed it.

"I hope so. I really like this girl." I gave him a smile before I stood up. "Where are you going?"

"Swings." I muttered, pointing to the swing set.

"Okay." He went back to staring at some unknown spot in the sky.

I headed to the swing, sitting down so I was facing away from Touya. Why did I even think that was going to be a good idea? Why would he look so happy because of me?

Even though Touya wasn't able to see my face, I still didn't allow myself to cry. I was twelve, I couldn't cry just because the guy I like doesn't think of me that way.

Or the fact that he's probably going to have a girlfriend before the week's out.

No, that wouldn't be fair for him. I have to be happy for him. Besides, why would he see me as anything other then a friend he meets with at the park?

Touya had left after saying bye to me, still looking extremely happy. I had smiled back at him as he walked away, but my smile didn't fade when he left. I stopped swinging, staring at the path that Touya had disappeared down.

I still felt that weird jumble of feelings. I wanted to feel happy for him, but I felt too upset myself. I couldn't focus on anything else. I couldn't figure out how I felt, but then it hit me.

Hurt, I felt hurt.

Betrayed maybe?

Probably both.

Yeah, both.

It wasn't fair. He didn't do anything wrong. Why did I feel so betrayed then?

Why can't I understand it?

***

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