The Consequence of a Dream

Ch. 13

Phoenix's pov

Does you heart ever beat so fast your chest hurts? Or you feel so anxious your stomach hurts? Or you're so nervous you're entire body's hot and your just sweating? Or you're so nervous your shaking? Or so nervous you can hear your heartbeat in your ears and everything around you is happening so quickly? Almost in fast forward? It's all just chaotic and crazy and you're just not ok?

Yeah, that's how I feel right now. With 3 minutes before I am set to go on stage I am honestly regretting this whole thing. I can't do this. Why did I think I could? I'm going to embarrass myself. Demi and Nicks fans are going to hate me. My dads likely to kill me after tonight.

"One minutes Phoenix." I hear.

Oh my god, I can't do this. What if I actually just freeze up on stage and can't sing? What if everyone laughs at me because I'm bad? They are here for nick and demi not me. They are going to hate me.

I stare at the floor until I hear, "Now Phoenix."

I fake a smile as I walk on stage with the mic I have and walk to the piano on stage. Demi's band walks on as well and I sit at the piano. I set the mic in the stand and remember what Demi said about stage presence and confidence. And as the motto goes, fake it til you make it. So I need to just fake every ounce of my confidence basically.

"How's everyone doing today?" I ask.

I get a small cheer and decide that's better than nothing, "My names Phoenix and I am going to sing a few of my original songs. This first song is called Ghost." I say.

Because I feel like a ghost. I'm invisible to most people and just disappear often.

I start the first verse very nervously and quietly. But when I don't hear booing, I feel a bit more comfortable. So by the chorus I sing it a bit more confidently and louder.

"You know I'm like a ghost, sometimes I have to fade
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it's gone cold, I say I'll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I'm like a ghost, I see it in your face
And it haunts me that I have to be this way
You say it's gone cold, I say I'll do better
But I always seem to disappear again
You know I'm like a ghost" I sing.

I sing verse two and overlook the people at barricade as I do so. I then look down at the piano for the pre-chorus, "Can't see myself in the mirror
Does that mean I'm not really here?
I'm losin' touch with everything I know
And I'm so scared that I'll end up, I'll end up, I'll end up alone." I sing.

I sing the chorus after that and then the beige and chorus once again. I take a deep breath once I finish. Ok, one song down. 6 more to go.

I sing the next 5 songs to the best of my abilities and I watch Demi's band walk off stage for me to do apologize alone. I feel more at ease by this point so I think I can do it alone.

"This last song was the first song I uploaded to YouTube which was called Apologize. I have a lot to thank because if this song, so I figured I'd sing this song tonight." I say before starting the piano intro.

I focus harder on this song that my original music. I focus on my piano playing because I don't have another instrument to hide my mess up. I focus on my vocals so that I don't go sharp or flat or miss a note. I am much more tense and uncomfortable at the piano doing it alone, but once I finish I give a thank you and walk off stage.

I pass my mic off to the tech guy along with my in ear pieces and head back to the dressing room which is where Demi told me to meet her. However since she's getting read, rather than walk in, I just sit against the wall across the hall from the dressing room door. I don't want to be in the way of anything she's doing.

I unlock my phone and open social media. I go to my Instagram account first and check back on my comment section.

@/demiswarrior: lmfao she really does try to be emo. I'm at the Atlanta show rn and she had a song called ghost. I'm laughing rn.

@/closetonick: Ngl she can sing, but damn she can't look pretty.

@demislovaticsss: I wish she'd go home. Why did demi bring her on tour? She's not that good. Bring fifth harmony, Cher lloyd, Christina Perri, Simone actually talented. She really settled for this girl 😭

@/nemiforveranever: this girl cant sing to save her life. I'm laughing, I'll post them on my page later 💀

After those comments I decide that's enough reading my comments. I get up from the floor and walk to the bathroom down the hall and lock the door behind me.

I take the hard shell off my phone and then take the silicon off it as well. I pull the blade from my phone case and pull down my jeans to expose my hip.

This is what my life's really resulted to hasn't it? Pain. If I don't have it from my dad, I give it to myself. Sad realization that I really use pain to cope with pain....

I put the cold metal onto my hip and drag it across. I drag it several times and loose count after that. I don't stop until my hips covered in blood and I can't cut another time.

I pull my jeans up not bothering to stop the bleeding. My jeans are so tight it'll cut the circulation and stop the bleeding anyway. I just put the blade back into the silicon and shove my phone into it. I then put the hard shell over it and just like that, the blades gone.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and wipe my tears before unlocking the bathroom door and stepping out.

With Max not on babysitting duty, I just decide to step outside and have some space. So I navigate through the confusing maze of halls before sneaking outside. I hear the door slam behind me causing me to jump at the unexpected sound.

I sit against the brick wall and just let my tears fall. Why do people hate me so much? I get why my dad does, I killed my mom. I killed the person he loved more than anything. But what did I do to everyone else? I don't understand.

I am animal walk slowly in my direction and I freeze feeling my heart race. Well, until the light of the building shoes it more clearer and I realize it's a dog. An underweight, beagle.

It timidly walks to me and sets its head in my lap. I give it a few pets and rest my arm on his filthy fur, "Well, at least you like me." I say quietly.

I stare down at it and gently pick it up. I open the door to the building and I sneak him to the bathroom I used earlier. I set her in the bathtub and give the nervous dog a few pets on the head.

"I'll be back, shhh." I whisper.

I walk out of the bathroom and walk to where I remember there being food and a I grab a few cereal cups before rushing back to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and set the cereal cups in the sink.

I open some Cheerios and set it on the side of the bathtub and let the dog eat it before I run the bath water.

I grab what I believe to be Demi's shampoo and set it beside me on the floor. I get the dog wet and as much mud off as I can before getting the shampoo into her fur.

I look at the cereal to see it's finished it and I quickly finish getting it clean before helping it out of the bathtub. I rinse the mud out of the tub and put Demi's shampoo back before grabbing the extra towel in the bathroom and wrapping it around the dog.

I grab the cereal and I pick the dog up and sneak right back outside. I sit against the building and open up another thing of cereal and hold it as I let it eat.

"There you go. You're clean and will get a little bit of food in your tummy. I don't care if I get hurt for helping you, it'll be worth it. You don't know how to fend for yourself like me." I whisper.

The dog doesn't do anything but eat all the food in the little cup. Not that I can blame her. I'm sure she wants to eat as much as she can since she doesn't know when her next meal will be. Something I understand.