The Consequence of a Dream

Ch. 12

Phoenix's pov

*sunday June 26*

Anxiety. That's all I've felt the past couple days. Something that's been triggered significantly today. This is the biggest thing I've ever done. I've never sang in front of this many people before.

"How do you feel Phoenix?" Demi asks.

"Ok." I lie.

A nervous wreck. I know Phil doesn't like me. Ever since the whole hotel thing he's been keeping such a close eye on me. So I know that if I don't rise to his expectations I'll be done here. That's scary. Because if I fail, I will not feel the end of it from my dad. Because I will be abused to probable death. Because I'll be an embarrassment in his eyes. Which is far worse than a regret.

"You look pretty nervous. Everything will be ok. I believe in you and everyone around you does. The first shows the hardest and it won't be perfect. My first shows I always mess up on. Whether it be technical errors, lighting errors, sound errors, or me messing up myself. If you mess up, don't worry about it. Just keep going. You've just got to believe in yourself though Phoenix." She says.

Am I that readable right now? Why is it that I can't hide my feelings anymore? I used to be so good at hiding my feelings and emotions and Demi's seeing right through them right now. Is everyone able to? Am I not doing good enough at hiding my feelings?

"Yes ma'am."

"And I'd be lying if i said I wasn't nervous too. It's normal to feel nervous. Just let the nerves push you to do your best. But don't let fear hold you back." She says.

"Yes ma'am." I say.

I watch her hair stylist work on her hair and make up and I just sit on the couch. I feel a bit wrong sitting in her dressing room like this. I feel like I'm invading her privacy. I'd rather sit in the hallway than right here.

"Phoenix is that what you're wearing on stage?" One of Demi's stylist asks.

I look down at my outfit choice of black jeans and my sparkly black sweatshirt and vans before looking back at him, "Yes sir."

"That's her stage outfit for her whole tour?" He asks Demi.

"Well, yeah, but it's what she's comfortable in." Demi says.

What's wrong with my outfit? Is it not good enough! Do I look bad? Why doesn't he want me to wear it?

"I'll make sure she has another outfit by next week. She needs an outfit to make her shine. What's your favorite color Phoenix?" He asks.

"Any color is ok." I say quietly.

I don't like this. Demi isn't going to be happy is she? She just wanted me to wear this and now her stylist is making me wear something else. I basically stole her stylist.

"But what's your favorite?" He asks.

"I don't have one." I lie.

Feeling uncomfortable in the room I stare at the carpet in the dressing room, "How about you go ahead and do your make up Phoenix. You mentioned wanting to wear some tonight." Demi suggests.

I take the subtle hint and grab my make up bag and exit the room. I walk down the hall to the bathroom and lock the door behind me and let out a deep breath.

It's the first day of the official tour and I've already managed to be see through with my emotions. I've managed to upset Demi enough to make her ask me to leave her dressing room. And not I have stolen her stylist...

If I don't get kicked off this tour, I'll be surprised.

Demi's pov

"I think she's really look good in blue." My stylist says.

I let out a sigh, "What she has is all she has. That's the best thing she has and it's ok enough. I know you didn't mean any harm, but you embarrassed her a bit. It's why I haven't said anything to her." I sigh.

"Well you know I can't let her wear that when I can get her something to make her feel better on stage." He says.

I sigh, "I know, but she's gonna have to wear that until you do and I don't want her to be self cautious about it either."

"Well you do your thing and make her feel better. And I'll do my thing to make her feel better on stage. What's her favorite color?" He asks.

"I don't know, she wears a lot of black. So maybe black." I say.

"Anything I shouldn't do?" He asks.

"It needs to be long sleeves and at least to her knees. She's got a lot of scars on her arms she'll want to keep hidden. I don't want any of it see through either." I say.

I feel a bit like a mom to her right now and I honestly don't mind. Someone needs to look out for her and protect her because her dad sure as hell isn't.

"Could I do a long top then long skirt?" He asks.

"As long as the top touches the skirt. I want no skin shown." I say.

Because I know that'd be so far out of her comfort zone. All she wears is jeans and long sleeves. I'm sure a skirt will be pushing the comfort zone for her. But showing skin would be too much. I already know that.

"I can work with that, how does she feel about sequins?" He asks.

"I think she likes sequins." I say.

I think Phoenix likes some sparkle as long as it's not all the tine. Or I at least assume that about her.

"Can I get at least high top vans with this outfit?" He asks.

"Go for it." I say.

She needs new shoes. I already know that. But I know just buying her a pair of new shoes would come off as offensive to her. I also don't want to embarrass her by doing that.

The conversation is broke as soon as the door opens and Phoenix walks into the room quietly. I take a look at her make up and smile at her, "You did a really good job on your make up. Your eyeliner looks better than what I could ever pull off. And the eyeshadow is so well blended." I say.

She flashes me a fake smile, "Thank you."

I'm dying to see her give a real smile. I know her smile would be so beautiful. But it's sad that I haven't been able to see it yet.

I doubt I will today. It's a stressful day period. This is her first ever big performance. So even if she didn't have her past, it'd be hard to smile when your worried about so much. But with her past, it's impossible to smile period. So I can't expect her to smile today or all days.

All I hope is at some point on this tour I can have her trust me and I can see a real smile from her. That's really my only goals now.