The Consequence of a Dream

Ch. 20

Phoenix's pov

I hear footsteps the next morning and wake up to see Demi sit in front of my bed. I don't really mind it like I would at one points. Something that's sort of scary for me. Because I know she's getting through the wall I have up.

"How do you feel this morning?" She asks.

"Ok."

"Do you feel better than last night?" She asks.

I give a small nod and she pushes my hair out of my eyes and face, "Can you promise me a few things?"

I look at her confused, "What?"

What do I have to promise and why?

"That you'll talk to me when something's really upsetting you so that we can try and find solutions to it?" She asks.

Ok I can do that. I did last night.

"Ok, I promise." I say.

"That you won't run away." She says.

Well I can't do that anymore. She's able to hunt me down and I still don't know how she did. So it's pointless to even attempt to run away again. I know she'll manage to find me again.

"I promise."

"And when you want to hurt yourself or take it a step further, you'll come talk to me. Because despite what you think, I do care. And it took everything inside of me to not cry with you last night. I promise I'm not going to judge or laugh. I promise I won't tell anyone what you feel or think. I promise I'll be here whenever you need me. Even if it's 2 am in the morning when you decide you need to talk." She says.

"I promise."

It feels weird to have someone actually care about me like this. It's not normal for me and why she cares so much about me, I don't know. I'm not sure I ever will.

"I promise."

I mean she's already seen me try and end it. It's not like she doesn't know that's how I think and feel at times. So talking about it could be easier now that she already knows.

"Are you hungry?" She asks.

"No ma'am."

My appetite is dead, which I guess is good. I'm not hungry so that's good. I mean probably not in Demi's eyes, she wants me to eat. It's probably not good for me to skip meals either. But I'm my defense, before now, I didn't have a choice. My dad didn't feed me everyday. Sometimes not even for two or three weeks. Seeing me weak and I pain was something he loved.

"Well, I put some food in Harley's food bowl. So whenever she decides she's hungry, it's there." She says.

"Thank you." I say.

"No problem." She says.

I hear a door open and I watch Nick walk out of his room and to the kitchen. Thankfully not a word is exchanged between him and I. I'm no where near comfortable around him. I don't trust men. I never will. Not after my dad.

"You still look a bit sleepy." Demi says.

"I'll be ok." I say.

I've made it through the day sleepier than this, I'll be fine.

"Well, we'll have a hotel room tomorrow so hopefully you can get some better sleep there. It's not too easy sleeping in a tiny bunk ok a moving bus." She says.

It definitely feels weird, I'll admit that.

"Ok."

"Do you want to get up and get dressed first this morning? I'm gonna eat and I think Nick has the same plan. So the bathrooms free to use. Or you can wait and use it last, it doesn't matter." She says.

"I'll use it now." I say and she nods.

She gets up and walks to the kitchen and I get out of my bunk causing Harley to do the same. Except she goes to her food and water bowl. I go to my suitcase in the bunk above me and grab some sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

I make my way to the small bathroom and get undressed and pick up the paper towel that falls onto the floor. I wrap it in toilet paper and hide it under the other garbage in the trash can.

I then take a shower and do my best to ignore the pain in my body. It hits all the bruises and cuts and it hurts. It hurts a lot. But I continue the shower and once I finish, I get changed and put my hair into a wet messy bun.

I then do my make up and hide all the light bruising in my face and the cuts on my arms before I step out of the bathroom.

I make my way back to my bed and lift my mattress up and grab my songwriting journal. I flip open to a blank page and grab my phone.

I open Instagram and check my direct messages and stare at the muted group chat. Despite everything telling me to not go look at it, I ignore my gut and do just that. Of course, I'm reminded why I am hurt and do what's best, leave. But me being the person I am, I block them all before I do leave. That way I don't get added back in.

I toss my phone at the end of my bed and stare down at the blank page. I grab the pencil between the pages and get to work on a song.

The lyrics just happen with ease and just as I finish, Demi sits next to me, "What are you up to?" She asks.

I say nothing as I title the song 'All My Friends Are Fake' and flip to the end of the book and grab the yellow highlighter. I flip back to the new song and highlight the entire heading space of the page.

I always do this, it lets me know where my favorite songs are. Anything yellow means it's a favorite. I put the highlighter back and show Demi the song.

"This is a really good song. What are you thinking sound like?" She asks.

"Something like stupid. Maybe a bit slower, but not like happy face." I say.

"I'm interested. I want to hear it when you finish." She says.

I give a small nod and she passes me my songwriting journal back, "You're such a strong songwriter." She says.

"Thank you." I say.

By the time I finish this song, I'll have an entirely new setlist. Because I'll be changing apologize to part of me by Katy Perry. It feels more honest to do that song. Because it seems like everyone is just trying to take pieces of me until I'm nothing.

I think I'll be somewhat happier with this setlist then the one I started with. Even if no one likes the songs, I do at least. I have come to the realization no one will ever like me no matter what I do. So I might as well do what makes me happy. Because even if I don't, I'll never make people happy. So it's better to do what makes me happy so that at least I'm not miserable as I fail making other people happy.