The Consequence of a Dream

Ch. 18

Phoenix's pov

I'm forced to sit in the passengers seat with Harley in my lap and I watch Demi type on her phone before setting it down in a cup holder.

"Are you hungry?" She asks.

"No."

"Ok, how about we just drive around and I give you the best tour of Brooklyn that I can as we talk?" She asks.

It's not like I have any other option.

"Ok."

"I didn't get to tell you, but I really liked the new song on the setlist. When did you write that one?" She asks.

I give a shrug not wanting to talk about anything about the concert. My feelings haven't recovered from that either.

"I didn't even hear you rehearse it, did you rehearse it this week?" She asks.

I shake my head and she goes right to her next question, "Are you happy with your setlist?" She asks.

Not even the slightest. My music isn't good enough and everyone hates me. Why would I be happy?

I give a shrug as we hit a red light. She turns her head to me as if to examine me, "It seems like after I got off stage some things weren't right. Did anything happen?" She asks.

Other than one of your fans start an entire tumblr post to ruin me and one of your fans try and throw a water bottle at me? Or me be added in with a group chat of your fans personal accounts only to find out they were using me to try and get to you? Or you yell at me for not hearing something you muttered so quietly? Or you slam a door in my face? No.

I shake my head lying, "Are comments starting to effect you?"

I turn my head to her to see her looking at me with a look of concern. I shake my head and I see her frown, "I think you're lying to me because you're uncomfortable and don't trust me to talk to."

Why does she know me so well? I keep lying and she keeps figuring everything out. Why does she know so much? I thought I was good at lying. Why is she seeing straight through what I say?

I try to speak but I'm cut off before I can, "Phoenix, what you tell me isn't anything I'll tell anyone else. I promise you that. I ask because I care, not because I'm trying to get info out of you to use against you or tell other people. I promise when I tell you this, I'm not gonna hurt you." She says.

Phoenix don't break. You have managed alone this whole time. You don't need to spill everything to someone who'll leave you in 4 months and then forget about you in a month. You don't matter to your own dad, you wont matter to a pop star either.

She turns head as the light turns green and then focuses on driving again. I sit in silence as I try and gather my thoughts.

"One of the worst things that's happened to me was when I was in school and someone started a petition. It got passed around and it was a petition to sign if anyone wanted me to commit suicide. People are mean, I know that. I've seen your comments and they hurt me to read. Hate comments are meant to hurt. But it doesn't mean what they are typing is true. What I read on your page isn't true. You're a beautiful little girl with so much talent. You're very smart and sweet. You've got to know your worth and realize what they are typing isn't true, just something to try and hurt and break you. People can be so cruel and that's something I learned a while ago." She says.

Ok if I talk to her I still don't have to trust her enough to tell her everything. I don't even have to trust her enough to hug me or hold me either. I can just tell her some things but not all of it.

"I don't pay attention to the comments on my Instagram or twitter. I just post there to keep it active and for all the accounts on YouTube telling me I should create Instagram and twitter accounts. Those accounts were just for the people who wanted to see what I do off YouTube and stuff. I think of those accounts as my second accounts. Because my real main account is private. Both are. I have another Instagram and twitter account. I made one after I saw how many creepy old men followed me. I didn't want to post anything there that old men would fetish. I used to not pay attention to them at least. I stayed logged into my private accounts. But my account on tumblr is my only account and once I started getting hate their, I started staying logged into my second accounts. And when I did that I became aware of some things happening on a tumblr post that someone made. And at first I thought it wasn't serious. But it's becoming more and more real the longer it's up because people are set on making it a reality. And that's the only things that hurts. Just the amount of people working together on that post and spreading that post link on my own posts, all over twitter, everywhere. It's not the comments I read that hurt, I've figured out why they are there. Its just knowing that they are there because everyone following one post and agreed to do that, that hurts." I say.

"What was the post about?" She asks.

"Just a list of instructions to do. Such as leave so many hate comments that I leave tour. For people already seen the plan for all her fans to just dislike my YouTube videos to make my dislikes out weight my likes. Theres a plan for people Houston show to actually boo me off stage since it's my hometown show. There's a plan to film everything I do so if it's embarrassing, it can be posted. Theres a plan for people at barricade to throw water bottles or anything that'll hurt at me. Theres a plan to start a rumor about me that isn't true to get more people to hate me. There was a plan to hack my social media. Just a lot of things."

"Phoenix, I'm so sorry hun. That had to have really hurt to seen. Did one of my fans start that?" She asks.

I shrug, "I didn't pay enough attention to the user who posted it originally. Just the amount of people who commented and liked. Which is at about a million."

"Has any of it happened yet?" She asks.

"The hate comments, the dislike of my YouTube videos, and someone threw a water bottle tonight, but it was caught by one of the security people. It won't be the last one, just the first one." I mumble.

"Someone threw a water bottle at you?" She asks alarmed.

"Tried." I say.

I see her shake her head in the corner of my eye and it causes me to turn my head. Does she think I'm lying?

When I look at her, I see her eyes water, "I never thought my fans would do something like this. Especially when I've mentioned more than once what bullying someone can do. I'm sorry Phoenix."

"It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

And it's the truth. It's not.

"It's still awful Phoenix."

"It's not your fault, you shouldn't be the one apologizing." I say.

It's not anyone's fault but her fans. She's not really responsible for her fans. They all have their own thoughts and opinions. It's not something that she's in control of.

But still, it doesn't make it hurt any less that this is what her fans are doing to me. It hurts a lot, but she clearly already feels bad enough so I don't want to make her feel worse. I already have said too much anyway.