Kabanata XV. Elias
I'm here at my office pondering whether I should go after her or not. I really want to stop her from going.. I really do but knowing that I might be stopping her from achieving her dreams... pains me.
Iniligay ko ang kamay ko sa lamesa na nasa harapan ko. I'm tapping my fingers out of nervousness. I don't know why did she gave me this kind of pressure, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pa ang gusto niyang papiliin, this is an actual torture.
I have loved her since the very first day I met her. There was something in her that made me fall for her immediately. She ain't that pretty, nor not that sexy but I know in my heart that she's... super attractive.
I lost her two years ago... I already lost her and I think I can't afford to lose her once again, but I also can't stop her... pangarap niyang lahat 'yon, her glow is different everytime she talks about that.. hindi ko atang magagawa siyang pigilan sa isang bagay na gusto niyang gawin.
Ginulo ko ang buhok ko sa sobrang inis. Hindi ko na alam. Naguguluhan ako. Hindi nagkakasundo ang puso at isip ko sa ganitong pagkakataon. Narinig kong bumukas ang pintuan ng opisina ko kaya inangat ko ang ulo ko para makita kung sino ang pumasok sa loob. It was Rachel.
"Elias, nakapagdesisyon kana ba? Oh God, you only have two hours left!" mas kinakabahan pa ata sakin si Rachel eh.
Rachel is my cousin on my mom's side, wala naman akong pinsan kay daddy dahil hindi nag-asawa si Tito Rommel. Rachel is one of those few people that I trust, hindi siya kagaya ng iba naming mga kamag-anak, actually nagkakasundo pa nga kami lalo na sa pangbabash sa pamilya namin.
"Can you please calm down, Rachel? I'm trying to think." I'm starting to lose my patience, ilang beses na rin siyang nagpabalik-balik dito sa loob ng opisina ko trying to remind me every single fucking time that I'm already losing so many minutes and seconds while thinking but what can I do? I still can't decide. This is probably by far, the most difficult decision I would make.
I want to be selfish but I know I can't especially when it comes to her dreams. Dun siya nagiging masaya, dun mas nagiging masaya si Autumn. I just hope that I can still go back sa nangyari two years ago... tangina naman kasi, wala naman kasi akong laban sa ginawa nila Angelo sakin. That was probably kidnapping, paggising ko nalang nasa America na ako and I can't even go back home. Pinablack list nila ako sa airport para hindi ako makaalis.
Yes, they would really go to that extent, because their family is the worst. I don't even know how did they found me but they did. I was trying yo escape from them, lumayas ako ng bahay at pumunta sa isa pa naming bahay which is yung malapit sa bakery nila Autumn. I also dropped school because of them and I insisted Autumn to hire me as their part timer.
That day, April 15, 2010, was not the first day I saw Autumn, the first day was way back 2008, and I fell for her immediately, months before my mother passed away. I never thought that I would actually came across her dahil ang main purpose ko lang naman ay maglayas at magtago, my other relatives never knew about that house, pero they ended up finding me for fucks sake.
God knows how many times I tried to escape from them nung nasa America pa ako at bumalik dito sa Pinas, kay Autumn but just like any other relatives that are like leeches- kung makadikit sayo sobra because they want my money. The money my parents left for me. Everything they had, ibinigay nila sakin and that's what they're after for.
Ang usapan two years lang akong titira sakanila, I need to study business so I can handle my parent's businesses but little did they know that I'm already planning something beforehand. After I graduated from that business school, sinampahan ko kaagad sila ng kaso and I really fought for my rights sa kompanya nila mama para wala silang makuha and because ako nga ang nakalagay sa loob ng will, saking talaga napunta ang lahat at wala silang nakuha.
